Emergency Induction Port
by SilentPony
Summary: This is a collection of one-shots involving mostly Tali and Shepard. Some rewrites of scenes from the ME3, others are original scenes. Hope you enjoy. Spoilers: Best to have beat the game. I won't give much away, but still... Updated!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, before anyone worries, no I have not forgotten my other stories. No they are not on hold; not even close. I'm finishing up the next few chapters in the next few days, and I hope to post in a week's time.

Anyway, I was playing Mass Effect 3(Like you do) and this idea popped into my mind and it just wouldn't leave me alone. So I had to quickly write it up.

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The door to the Normandy's lounge hissed open on rough hydraulics. Instantly Shepard was aware the normal running lights had been dimmed and the sound system was playing some sort of jazz. It took a few heartbeats for his eyes to adjust to the darkened room. The door hissed closed behind him. It was only then the figure at the bar seemed to notice she had company. Two slanted eyes of pearl turned to face him, hidden behind a tinted plas-glass visor. Few outside the Quarian fleet knew anything at all about the body language of its people. Maybe a hand full of Asari matriarchs with memories from before the Geth uprising had an idea, but few others. But John Shepard had learned to read every nuance of Tali's movements. It was important to him that he knows everything he could about his love.

When their eyes first met, before she recognized him, Shepard saw a deep brooding in his Quarian girlfriend. But when he stepped closer in the dim light, her eyes brightened and he knew she was smiling under her visor.

"Tali." He said simply.

"Shepard!" Tail raised a glass of bright yellow liquid. Shepard raised an eyebrow; her voice was slurred and her movement was way too smooth, like liquid. Was she…drunk?

"Want a drink?" She spun in her bar stool and motioned to the stock of blue, green and brown bottles on the wall, "I'm toasting Miranda…I think…" She sipped from her glass. Shepard walked over to the bar and took his time selecting a bottle. He was aware Tail was staring longingly at his back and broad shoulders, so he stretched and flexed his back. He was rewarded with muffled gasp from Tali. Shepard grinned and selected a bottle of whiskey. He poured himself a tall glass and turned to face the Quarian at the bar.

"So…how are you getting drunk, anyway?" Shepard asked and sipped from his glass. Tali almost giggled, obviously proud.

"Very carefully." She reached out and teased her finger along his nose, "Turian brandy…tripled filtered and introduced into the suit through this…emergency induction port." She dipped her mask to the plastic tube in her glass and took swig to underline her point. Shepard grinned and suppressed a laugh.

"That's a straw, Tali." Shepard corrected. Tali placed her glass carefully on the counter and glared needles at him. Shepard winked and sipped from his glass. Tali reached out and took his arm in a vice grip.

"Emergency. Induction. Port." She said and Shepard was sure she was growling. He raised his hands as a sign of understanding. Tali dipped her head down into her drink but it took her a few tried to get it settled, "It's actually getting a little harder getting it into the slot. I think that means its working…" Tali let a silence fall between them. Only the random song she was chosen on the sound system could be heard.

Her thoughts drifted to a certain Cerberus operative. Even though Miranda had escaped with her sister, both none the worse for wear, a dark cloud hung over Tali's thoughts. She remembered her first meeting with the _perfect_ woman. Miranda knew half the men of the Normandy would check her out when they though she wasn't looking, and she made damn sure the other women aboard knew who was at the top. Every conversation Tali had ever had with her, Miranda would fold her arms under her breasts or rest her hands on her hips. Miranda knew what she had over Tali. The Quarian glanced at Shepard; she knew what she had over Miranda.

"She was so rude." Tali said after a moment and sipped from the emergency induction port. Shepard was silent, "What did Jack call her? Cerberus cheerleader?" She took another sip and let the harsh liquid burn down her throat. Already her thoughts were becoming more unfiltered; an ironic result of a triple filtered drink.

"With her perfect genes and her attitude and…" Tali almost let slip the word 'body'. No woman from the Normandy would ever admit it, but they were all jealous of Miranda's looks; well not Jack, but most were. Miranda had been handed everything in life. She was such a spoiled boshtet.

"And still…she got it done." Tali said before she could stop herself, "She stopped her father." Tali finished her drink quickly and reached for the filtering station on the bar. She put her glass under the nozzle and pressed a button. A motor inside the device whirred and a stream of Turian brandy began to fill her glass. Shepard finished his whiskey in one gulp and poured himself another glass.

Shepard motioned to the leather couch near the bar and for Tali to follow him. The Quarian stood and took a step, and suddenly she was dizzy. It was as if the room was spinning or the gravity generators had malfunctions. Shepard was quickly at her side and let her lean on him. Tali snaked her hand over Shepard's bicep. It was rock hard and she couldn't get her entire hand around it. She inwardly sighed but shook her head clear of those thoughts.

"I didn't realize this would be so hard on you." Shepard said as the two sat down. He sipped from his glass as Tali just stared into hers, composing a reply. She played with the white plastic straw and carefully sipped again.

"I didn't _like_ her. Keelah…" Tali chuckled as a few choice memories flashed in her mind, "she was such a bitch." She sipped again and felt pleasant warmth beginning to grow in her stomach, "But I respected her. Sometimes that's better than liking."

"She did whatever it took to stop her father." Tali's voice began to waver and Shepard placed his glass on the table, his attention fully on her. Memories of her life aboard the flotilla flashed in her mind. Tali remembered being the best in all her classes and excelling at every physical contest or feat of arms. She remembered her father's stony eyes, always unwavering and always unimpressed. Shepard had once described her eyes as pearls of light. Her father's could only be shards of hard marble.

When she spoke again, Tali's voice was angry and she hissed through her teeth, "She never gave into him. Never changed herself to please him!" Tali took a huge sip from her glass, slurping as the liquid drained into her throat. It burned but she didn't care. She just wanted the memories to stop. She just wanted her father's ghost to leave her alone.

"Ahhhh…" Shepard said with a tight grin and reached again for his glass. Tali shot him a glare and purposefully looked away.

"Don't 'ah' me, Shepard." She mumbled, "You sound like a vorcha." What did he know about how she felt? Shepard's parents had died on Mindoir years ago. Despite that tragedy, Shepard had never had to look at his father not as a parental figure, but as an equal; as flawed.

"Seeing a bit of yourself in Miranda fighting her father?" Shepard asked after a moment. Tali hissed suddenly and fought back a few hot tears. Okay, maybe he did at least understand what she meant.

"I spent my life trying to please him." She felt Shepard put a hand on her shoulder, so she turned to face him. "Then after he…I was making up for his mistakes." She laughed bitterly, "Doing what he'd have wanted…keelah, he's dead and it feels like he's still running my life. Why can't I…"

"It's never that easy." Shepard said and pulled her a little closer. Tali closed the distance between them and rested her helmet on his shoulder. She finally let a few of the tears roll. With her head buzzing with brandy it was an odd feeling.

"When do we get to stop reacting to our parents …" She looked over at Shepard and placed a gloved hand on his handsome face, "And start living for ourselves?" She whispered this last part. Part of her thought of her relationship with Shepard. Would her father ever approve of it? She grinned; never. Maybe…maybe she was starting to live for herself.

Shepard let go of her, took her glass and made his way back to the bar. He was careful not to give her too much brandy or even to breathe near the glass. Tali smiled. He was always looking out for her. Shepard held out the brandy to her. Tali took it and traced her fingers over Shepard's knuckles as she did.

"The answer to that is at the bottom of that glass." Shepard said and drank from his whiskey glass. Tali giggled.

"I may need some help with emergency induction straw…" She bit her lip to suppress a laugh from her mistake, "Port. You know what I mean." Shepard plopped down next to her, rested his boots on the table and put his arm around Tali's shoulder. She happily snuggled into him and just watched the stars fly by the window. After a moment, she looked at her glass then to Shepard's whiskey and then back to hers.

"Everything okay?" Shepard asked, noticing her movements.

"I'm having a drink with my boyfriend!" Tali couldn't keep the grin from her face and looked over at Shepard. Her commander had a tight grin on his face, but his eyes and body language spoke volumes of happiness. Tali felt giddy, "My _human_ boyfriend." She put as much seduction as her foggy mind could allow into her voice. Shepard closed his eyes and she saw a well controlled shudder run through his body. Tali laughed.

"Keelah, my father would have hated you." The two laughed and Shepard raised his glass.

"Here's to him then." Tali clinked her glass against his.

"And to Miranda. Nice job you genetically perfect Cerberus cheerleader boshtet. Keelah se'lia!" Shepard downed his glass in one big gulp. Tali sipped vigorously from her Turian brandy and almost gagged but kept drinking. How many was this for her? Three? Four? Her body felt like it was on fire in her suit. Shepard leaned back and let out a low chuckle.

"I can't remember the last time I even got buzzed, let alone drunk." He said. Tali began to trace her fingers in aimlessly circles on Shepard's shoulder.

"Buzzed?" Tali asked. Human words were so bizarre.

"It means…I guess slightly drunk." Shepard said matter-of-factly, "Like when your head feels fuzzy and you just want to admit to something."

"I think I might be buzzed then." Tali said and overly dramatically draped herself across Shepard's lap. The commander smiled and ran a hand over her hood and down to her collar bone. Tali began to squirm a little as her body heated up and more of the brandy took its toll on her mind.

"Then why don't you tell me something?" Tali asked after a moment, "Come on Shepard. Admit to doing something wrong."

Shepard's brow furrowed as he thought. He smiled bashfully, "Well I don't know if you would consider it wrong…but…"

"Yes?" Tali asked, suddenly very interested.

"When I was in lock up, back on Earth…" He paused and his eyes glassed over for a moment, "Before the Reapers attacked…" He trailed off.

"Shepard?" Tali took his hand in hers and squeezed. He smiled sadly at her and shook his head.

"Sorry. Anyway, when I was in lock up…I created an escape plan." Shepard looked away as if ashamed, "I missed you and I wanted to see you and…and for almost two months I tracked every guard's movements and their schedule rotations. I calculated the gaps in the camera overlap fields. I even spent a week trying to guess the access code that led out of my wing of the base." Tali stood up straight.

"How far did you get?" She managed. Her voice was breaking and her chest was tightening up. Keelah, he really had been thinking about her the entire time they were apart. Tali suddenly felt like she didn't deserve him. Sure she had tried to contact Shepard at least once a week, but she had never thought of trying to break him out.

"It worked Tali." Shepard said, "I got to the shuttle pads without anyone noticing. I had a clear path to orbit and I'm sure if I contacted Joker he would have broken the Normandy out of dry-dock."

"But you didn't go through with it?" Tali asked, although she knew it was obvious he had not.

"I thought about it for a long time." Shepard smiled at her, "I couldn't do that to you."

"What? Come see me?"

"No. Put you between me and Alliance brass. I couldn't do that to the Quarian people." Shepard scratched his chin, "I mean harboring an escaped fugitive? That wouldn't do much for the Quarian reputation, would it?"

"No." Tali laughed and scooted out of his lap, "I guess not. I missed you too…during those days…"

"Hey, it all worked out in the end, didn't it?" Shepard asked and put a hand to her mask, "The Quarians and the Geth are at peace, I got my old ship back. And I got you." Tali smiled under her mask. Her body flushed at the idea and she hugged him.

"That's quite the story, Shepard." Tali teased, "Daring to go against the entire Alliance military just to see your girlfriend? I didn't realize you were the sentimental type."

"Well you know how it goes." Shepard smirked, "Don't hear anything for six months; I was worried some smooth talking Quarian marine had swept my Tali off her feet." Tali playfully punched Shepard in the shoulder.

"Never!" She laughed at the idea. Even Kal' Reeger, Keelah rest his soul, wouldn't have been able to take her away from Shepard. A silence descended between them and Tali felt the need to confess something too.

"I _was_ worried, you know." She began slowly, awkwardly.

"When I was in lock-up?"

"No, well yes of course!" Tali stammered, the brandy making her reactions both quick and completely unfiltered, "I tried messaging you, but the Alliance firewalls kept blocking me. But I meant on the Geth Dreadnought...when the platform was collapsing."

"I remember." Shepard said with a grin, "Your reputation was at stake."

"Keelah Shepard, I thought you were going to die!" Tali exclaimed and pulled him a little closer. She ran her gloved fingers over his shoulders and took his hands in hers, "I don't want you to die…" She smiled, "I can't imagine facing down the Reapers without you as my shield."

"Of course." Shepard laughed, "What's a Quarian engineer without her human boyfriend shield?"

"I'm glad we've come to an understanding. " Tali teased and sipped the last pooled remnants of her brandy. When she pulled away, Tali quickly looked down at her hands and nodded her head several times, as if mentally preparing herself.

"I…I want to show you something." Tali hesitated for a moment before reaching for a pouch on her belt. Her hand shook slightly as she placed its contents on the table. Shepard was about to place a hand on her shoulder but he gaze was drawn to the object she had placed in front of him. It was small, smooth and the color of a desert mesa.

"The rock from Rannoch?" Shepard chuckled and picked it up, "You actually kept it?"

"It was silly, I know…but…" Tali trailed off as she rung her hands together. Shepard looked at her.

"Tali?" She didn't say anything; she just looked at her lap. Shepard looked back at the rock and noticed something. An inscription had been laser burned into the rock with an engineer's micro-torch. It was a flowing series of letters, dashes and arches. He couldn't read it at all; it must have been in Keelish. Shepard traced his finger over the inscription and heard Tali take a sudden breath.

"It's beautiful Tali…" He whispered, "But what's it say? Tali'Zorah? Rannoch? Home?"

"It…our people call them 'promise relics'." Tali began carefully, "I guess you humans would call it a 'good luck charm', although a relic is for a specific goal not just luck. Many Quarians carry them during their Pilgrimages, usually made from scrap metal and saying something like 'starship' or 'credits' or even 'food stuffs'. It's what they hope to achieve or bring back." She took the rock from his hands and ran her gloved hand over it.

"Did you carry one on your Pilgrimage?" Shepard asked. His voice was hushed; he was aware this was important to her.

"No." Tali laughed, "I always thought it was silly. Superstitious even." Tali sighed, "After…after you died I thought about carrying one in your memory. Someone to live up to. I was going to make one before the Collector's base; 'victory' or something like that…but I was…busy that night." Shepard and Tali both grinned at the memory. After a moment Tali reached to her belt to put the relic back. Shepard shot out his hand and stopped her. Tali looked at him, then at their hands as Shepard took the relic in his hand.

"Tali, what does this one say?" He asked. He reached out and ran a hand along the side of her helmet. Tali leaned into his touch and placed a hand over his.

"It says what I most want…" She looked away, "It says Tali'Shepard Nar Rayya Vas Normandy Jar Rannoch." Shepard was silent for a long moment. He put the relic down on the table and put both hands on her shoulders.

"Tali-"

"It's stupid I know." Tali interrupted, "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Keelah, I don't even know why I made the damn thing."

"Tali, stop. It's not stupid." Shepard said with a smile, "I wish I had one to carry around." This gave Tali a start. The brandy must be making her hear things.

"What?"

"You heard me." Shepard took her hands in his, "I don't know if Quarians use the word marriage or even have an official ceremony but-"

"We call it a bonding." Tali said. The breath had been stolen from her lungs and her heart hammered so loud she couldn't hear anything else.

"Then yes." Shepard said, "When the Reapers have been destroyed, I'll take you back to Rannoch and build you a home. I'll bond with you, Tali. I'll make you Tali'Shepard Jar Rannoch. I promise." Tali felt like she was hyperventilating. She was ecstatic.

Tali crawled over Shepard and sat in his lap so that she was straddling him. She hugged him so hard she was sure a bone in one of them would break. Tears of hope and joy rolled down her face and she looked into his blue eyes. The brandy from earlier was making her suit incredibly warm and her proximity to Shepard wasn't helping. She could see the cocky grin on his beautiful, luscious lips and suddenly all she could think of was her lips on his. Tali leaned in close so that her voice-light was only a few inches from his face.

"Really Shepard?" She breathed, "You know it's not nice to play with a girl's dreams." Shepard put both hands on the small of her back and pulled her closer. Tali gasped in delight and found herself staring down at Shepard's lustful, smug grin.

"Who says I'm playing?" He asked, raising his face so that it was hovering under her mask, "I meant every word." Tali ran her hands over his scalp, feeling a slight sandy texture from his buzzed hair. Tali could see the whiskey Shepard had had was running through his veins. His eyes were hooded and he ran his hands up and down her body.

"We're going to have a home together…" Tali breathed, still finding it hard to believe Shepard wanted to bond with her. She knew he loved her but this was beyond even what she thought possible, "I'm going to have a home, Shepard. With you. You will be my bond-mate."

"Yes Tali, and you'll be my bond-mate." Shepard said solemnly. Tali ran her hands up and down Shepard's body.

"Mine." She whispered, "Mine. Mine. Mine. You're all mine, Shepard." The commander reached out and stopped both of Tali's hands. She gave him a puzzled look until he brought her gloved hands to his lips and kissed them.

"Yes. I am." Tali almost squealed but instead began running her hand up his arm. She felt pressure at her fingertips and the rubber of her suit. She could feel the iron hard muscles of Shepard's arm but she was painfully aware she couldn't feel Shepard himself.

The brandy was returning in almost full force and Tali felt as if the temperature in her suit was spiking. She began to run her hands quickly and firmly over Shepard's body in a vain attempt to feel him. Shepard reacted in kind and ran his hands over her suited body. Tali wanted to feel his warm hard hands on her bare flesh.

Tail leaned back and allowed Sheaprd to run his hand up her chest and finally to her helmet where he stroked her gently. Tali longed to have his skin on hers, but her suit. Her Keelah damned suit was in the way. Tali lunged forward and put both hands on the side of his head.

"I hate this mask." She breathed, her voice slurred and heavy and her mind thick with fog"I hate this suit. I want to feel you whenever I want. I want to be able to kiss my boyfriend. I want to kiss you all the damn time, Shepard. I want you. _Now._" Tali reached for the seals of her mask. The brandy was making her mind sluggish and all she could think about was kissing Shepard. Her immune system be damned!

Shepard shot out his hands to stop her, "Tali!"

"I want you Shepard." Tali hissed at him, "I don't care about this suit or this mask."

"I can't let you risk your immune system Tali. I won't let you get sick."

"Then take me to your cabin!" Tali growled and pushed her mask against his neck as if trying to bite him through the glass, "Take me to your cabin and make love with me Shepard."

"Are you sure?" Shepard asked lustfully, "Think you can handle me?" Tali slammed him back against the couch.

"I told you before; I'm not going to beg." She snarled at him and held her visor just out of reach of his lips, "I plan on making you beg." Shepard stared into her eyes with just as much fire as she surely felt inside her suit.

"Show me."

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I might do more later, if readers want me to. But I want to stress that I will update and finish my other stories before launching into a full multi-chapter Mass Effect story. Even if I did, it would probably be unrelated one-shots and re-writes of various ME3 scenes.

Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll be posting more soon!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: (Forgot one last time) I do not own Mass Effect or any other characters therein.

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"Tali." The word was spoken directly into the Quarian's ear and she almost yelped in surprise. She had been so engrossed in her work, she had completely missed the soft blue light of her heads-up display indicating she had an incoming vox-message. Tal quickly finished entering a new line of programming code into the engineering console she was stationed at and blinked at the 'receive' icon in her helmet. A still image from a dossier popped up; a smooth blue face with eyes too hard and old for such youthful features.

"Liara?" Tali asked, surprised. The Asari scientist turned Shadow Broker was not on the best of terms with Tali'Zorah. The Quarian had always considered her a threat for Shepard's affections, and the rumor mill from the original Normandy was that the two had had a fling of sorts. Shepard denied it of course, and Tali couldn't work up the courage to ask Liara. Part of her didn't want to know if the beautiful Asari had melded with Shepard. It struck a bitter chord in Tali's stomach; all things being equal, Liara could easily steal Shepard away. She was smart, caring, gorgeous and more important she wasn't trapped in a rubber and synthetic weave suit. Liara was confident and menacing; her friends respected her and her enemies feared her. She was everything Tali wished she could be. The perfect woman for Shepard.

When Tali spoke again, her voice carried the unmistakable tone of guarded reluctance, "What can I do for you?"

"If you're free at the moment, I would like to see you in my office." Liara's raspy voice replied. Either she was unaware of Tali's resentment or worse didn't consider her a legitimate threat, "I have some things I wish to discuss."

"I well…" Tali looked around at her work station, searching for any reason to ignore the summons. A thought crept into her mind; what would Shepard do? Tali smiled. He faced down every horror the Galaxy threw at him. So the least she could do was talk with Liara for a few minutes, "I'll be right up."

"Thank you." The line went dead. Tali sighed. Liara's time as an information broker had made her already stunted interpersonal skills clipped and bordering on rude. As far as Tali cared though, the less time she spent with Liara the better. If the Asari could condense a five-minute conversation to a thirty second monologue, all the better. It meant that when Shepard did his daily rounds, he wasn't in Liara's office long…with the door closed…and soundproof walls…and…_and_….

Tali pushed the familiar line of reasoning aside. Shepard had been nothing but loyal to her. On the first Normandy she had been an actual part of his crew, not some pesky Quarian rodent to be shuffled into the corner. Shepard had been the one to invite Tail to the squad's weekly poker games, and it had been Shepard who had taught her how to play the human card game. He had held her close when her father died, defended Tali's reputation at her trial, and waited patiently for weeks while Tali worked up the nerve to go to his cabin for her first intimate experience. He had kept his promise of returning Rannoch to the Quarians. He had waited months just to see her face again. He was everything to Tali; how could she doubt him even if Liara was on the same ship again?

"I'm going up to the crew decks for a few minutes." Tali said to her fellow engineers. Adams looked up and nodded before going back to his works. Tali was glad the old grease monkey was on the Normandy again. Somehow she slept better knowing Chief Engineer Adams was keeping the Normandy afloat.

"Sure thing Tali." Gabby said with a smile.

"Can ya' get me a steak while ya' up there?" Ken asked. A second later a datapad smacked the side of his head, "OW! Damn woman, I was just askin'."

"Keep quiet." Gabby hissed at him. Adam gave a very audible sigh and rubbed his eyes. The two other engineers quickly returned to their work, their eyes never rising about the computer consoles. Tali rolled her eyes. Part of missed being the chief engineer, but the other part was relieved she didn't have to keep Ken and Gabby in line.

Tali left the engine room quickly and made her way to the elevator. Her mind raced as she tried to think of what Liara wanted. Tali bounced on her heels as she waited for the elevator. She glanced down the hall at Javik's room and felt a blush kiss her cheeks. Apparently she had called the Prothean the night she and Shepard had gotten drunk in the lounge. Shepard called it a 'drunk dial'. The phrase made her giggle every time; it just sounded so silly. Worse yet, she had been in Shepard's cabin during the call while Shepard was showering. Tali doubted Javik could tell, but she had been completely naked in Shepard's bed during their conversation. For the first time since meeting the Prothean, Tali was glad he didn't seem to care about almost anything. She would apologize one day…when she could work up the courage…

The elevator chimed as it reached her floor and Tali quickly shuffled in as if afraid the Prothean would emerge from his room at any moment. Tali eyed the button that would lead to Shepard's cabin and part of her just wanted to push it. She knew Shepard was going over reports from the war, and he would be spending a lot of time in the War room later. Tali doubted she could convince him to put his work down for thirty minutes or so but she knew it would be cruel to try. They were together at night, in the mornings and whenever they could scrounge free time during the day. Until the Reapers were gone that would be enough. She had her whole life to look forward to. A life with Shepard, her bond-mate and a home on Rannoch. It was worth a few hours apart on the Normandy.

Tali pushed the button for deck three and the elevator smoothly and quickly rose. She opened up her omni-tool and sent a quick message to Shepard asking when he thought he would be free for the night. It chimed again and the door opened. Tali stepped into the hall, eyes on the orange glow of her omni-tool. She collided with something hard and stumbled into the wall.

"Whoa there." A hard, gravelly voice called out. Tali looked up at the smirking face of her Turian squad mate.

"Garrus." Tali said, happy to see her long time friend. The Turian gave his approximation of a smile.

"Tali, good to see you." He said in his craggy voice, "I was just about to get something to eat. Care to join me?"

"I'd like to, but I…" She wrung her hands together, "I have a meeting with Liara." Garrus gave her a leveled stare and clicked his peak.

"You two place nice." He said simply, "I would hate for Shepard to break up a cat-fight this close to the Reapers."

"I have no reason to fight with Liara." Tali said as much to herself as Garrus, "John loves me. I know he does."

"So its John now, is it?" Garrus smirked. Tali blushed. She had told herself she would keep it professional when not in the Commander's cabin.

"I'll see you later Garrus." She said and quickly tried to walk away. Garrus laughed.

"I'm still waiting on you getting me a new gun, by the way!" He called after her. Tali spun gracefully, a playful smirk hiding under her mask.

"I'd love to Garrus, but I'm afraid Shepard is the only man who can handle anything I can give." She teased. Garrus clicked again.

"I'll have to ask Shepard about that." Garrus said after a moment, "Maybe even share the details with Joker."

"Do and I'll add more scars to your face." Tali said, eyes narrowed. The entire crew knew of her and Shepard, but there were some details about their love life that were not for sharing. Even back on the Normandy SRII, Tali had taken extreme precautions when Kasumi was nowhere to be seen. She knew her thief friend would never endanger her immune system, but a spy-drone in Shepard's cabin was not unheard of. Most of the Galaxy wanted to know what Quarian's looked like, mostly to see if they were ugly; one more reason to hate Quarians. Kasumi on the other hand was simply curious and in desperate need of a reason to tease Tali more than she already did. Tali turned from Garrus and shook her head.

"Make you a deal; gun for Turian chocolate." Garrus offered. Tali stopped dead in her tracks and spun around sharply.

"You have more?" She almost pleaded. Garrus smirked.

"I might have a few bars left." He said casually and crossed his arms over his chest, "Make those modifications to my rifle's infrared sights and auto-target system and I might be able to part with a few."

"I'll have it done by the morning." Tali said instantly, her desire for the sweet treats almost answering for her.

"See you later Tali." Garrus laughed and rounded the corner to the mess hall. Tali stood in the hallway for a moment wringing her hands together. It was her nervous habit, once criticized by her father, now considered endearing by her human lover. Tali remembered her days on the first Normandy; Garrus had always laughed when she wrung her hands together, and Ashley Williams had said it made her look like a worried 'squirrel'…whatever that was.

Thinking of those days darkened Tali's mood. Ashley Williams was long dead; vaporized to atoms on Virmire. And Garrus…he was still Tali's closest friend, but there was a darkness in his eyes now. It was as if Garrus was always on the verge of a berserk furry and only his daily talks with Shepard or Tali herself kept the madness away.

Tali pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind. After she was done with Liara she had a rifle to mod in the armory. The sooner Liara had said what she wanted the better. Tali strode over to the Asari's office and paused outside the door. She bounced a few times on her heels to dispel some of her anxiety and knocked softly.

The light on the door turned green, indicating it was unlocked and Liara was ready for someone to enter. Tali took a deep breath and opened the door. The room was cluttered with computers, information crystals and wires. Instantly Tali's obsession with technology took over and her eyes darted across the floor as her mind mentally rewired and reworked the room. She could see at least two redundant surge protectors and a dozen wire access ports that needed to be tightened. And one of Liara's computers had a connection problem that caused it to flicker slightly every few seconds. Tali noticed all this in the time it took her to step into the room and for the door to _swoosh_ closed behind her.

"Liara." Tali said carefully. The Asari looked up from the display of computers and offered a smile.

"Tali, thank you for coming." Liara said and quickly walked over to her bed. Tali noticed the bed was easily as big as the one in Shepard's cabin and had more than enough room for two occupants.

"What's this about, Liara?" Tali asked with more force than she meant. Liara returned with a black box in her hands.

"No need to sound so defensive, Tali." Liara cooed, "We're friends are we not? We've known each other for as long as we've known Shepard."

"I've known him longer." Tali deadpanned. Liara smirked.

"By a week, yes." Liara paused as if considering her words carefully, "I visited Shepard in his cabin last night."

"…You _what_?" Tali asked, body stiff and hands palled into fists. Why had she left her shotgun in the armory? Her blood boiled in her suit and she was sure her eyes were glowing an infernal red.

"Tali, it's not what you think. We-"

"I knew I should never have trusted you!" Tali snarled, "How could you Liara? Wait until I get my hands on Shepard. If he thinks the Reapers are bad, I'll-"

"Enough!" Liara s bellowed and her hands surging with biotic energy. Tali froze but every nerve in her body was stretched to the breaking point. Liara was now a true threat to her and she needed to treat her as such.

"Shepard is my friend and your lover; you will _not_ disrespect him by jumping to conclusions." Liara said firmly. Tali was taken aback but stood her ground, eyes narrowed.

"Jumping to conclusions?" She hissed between her teeth, "You just said-"

"I said I visited him in his cabin." Liara said and softened, "I wanted to talk to him. Do you really think I would try to steal John from you?"

Tali took a long moment to answer, weighing the responses. She decided with the shortest and most honest, "Yes."

"Well at least you're honest." Liara smirked but there was no humor in her eyes. When she spoke again, Liara's voice was softer and carried a trace of sympathy, "I appreciate that you feel like you need to…_protect_ Shepard from some of the more bold members of our crew, but I assure you I have no interest in being with Shepard."

"I'm trapped inside a suit, Liara." Tali said darkly, "Literally any other woman would be a better choice."

"It must be exhausting looking over your shoulder and only seeing enemies in the other female crew members." Liara said and sat down at her desk. She motioned to Tali to take the other seat. The Quarian was reluctant at first but obliged.

"Not enemies." Tali said defensively, "The Reapers are enemies. Cerberus is an enemy. The Geth were enemies. People like Miranda Lawson or Jack were not my enemies. I even consider Jack a friend of sorts…but they were still…"

"Competition?" Liara raised an eyebrow and grinned knowingly.

"…yes." Tali said and hung her head slightly.

"Miranda Lawson is the perfect human female, Tali." Liara said, "She was designed on a genetic level to be faster, stronger, smarter and more attractive than any other human woman. And yet…" Liara smiled, "Shepard still chose you."

"Perhaps." Tali said with a growing smile.

"'perhaps'." Liara echoed and chuckled, "Did Shepard ever tell you what happened the night before Ilos?"

"He…" Tali felt her blood drain from her face and suddenly she felt very cold. Her stomach felt tied in knots, "No. But I heard…rumors."

"I'm sure you did." Liara said and folded her hands over the desk, "I did visit Shepard that night. I had fully intended to sleep with him. To meld my mind with his for a few hours of pleasure."

"Liara." Tali squeaked, suddenly out of breath. Her heart was hammering in her chest and it felt like her lungs had been frozen.

"He turned me down." Liara said and laughed bitterly, "He was such a gentleman about it. Said he was too tired and just wanted to sleep. Back then I was so young and innocent I believed him. We were all strung out and ready to collapse on our feet."

"You didn't sleep with Shepard?" Tali asked, barely daring to hope.

"Not as such, no." Liara said and quickly added, "We simply lay in his bed and talked. He told me about his life on Mindoir before the Batarian raid and I told him about all the dig sights I had been to." Liara laughed a bit, "We even opened the bottle of Human bourbon he had stashed in his locker."

"That…that sounds like a great memory, Liara." Tali managed. Part of her still raged with jealously but she forced it away. That Liara would tell her this must have taken a lot of courage; the least Tali could do was respect her and not take offense.

"It was a night I will cherish for the rest my life, Tali'Zorah. That night I realized what it was I wanted from Shepard." Liara looked out her window at the flickering stars, "I wanted a friend. Someone to talk to, someone who would listen. I realize now a romantic relationship would have put too much strain on that friendship."

"I…I don't know what to say." Tali said. Her hands had begun to fidget again. This was not what her imagination had created for her. Tali had felt an endless spike of jealously at the idea of Liara and Shepard being intimate…of his skin on hers…his lips kissing every inch of her smooth blue body. Tali grimaced and pushed the thought away permanently. That was not what happened. They had shared a drink and bonded as friends. Tali would not begrudge them that.

"You don't have to say anything Tali." Liara said kindly, "I wanted you to know I respect your relationship with Shepard, and I really do hope you two find all the happiness you can if we beat the Reapers."

"If?" Tali's eyes narrowed, "Shepard says we will. He wouldn't let us down…" She trailed off but whispered, "let me down. He promised that after-"

"I know Tali." Liara interrupted, "Or at least I know Shepard believes it."

"But…?" Tali said, suddenly feeling a cold spot in her heart. Shepard promised her! A home! He promised!

"If we don't succeed…" Liara let the words hang for a moment, "If the Crucible doesn't work or the Reapers destroy us before we can complete it…I didn't want the progress our cycle has made to be lost. So I created this." She motioned to the black box on her desk and pushed a button.

A ball of semi-transparent light floated from the device. The lights in the room darkened as if the ball drew energy directly from the Normandy's own supply. The ball exploded into thousands upon thousands of specks of light that filled the room. They hung gracefully in the air and as one, began to turn. Tali watched the display with her eyes wide and her mouth open in awe. Strings of light began to connect clusters of dots, forming shapes she recognized. Constellations. The imagery all sentient races used to familiarize the stars and identify their homes. The formations flicked and faded and were soon replaced by more. It was as if every constellation in the cosmos was being recreated in Liara's office with the original ball of light serving as the Galactic center.

"It's beautiful." Tali said, breathless.

"I wanted future cycles to know our stars and our stories." Liara said, smiling sadly, "This is a time capsule. I've been preparing it for a while. I've uploaded all the information we have on the Protheans, the Reapers, the Crucible…even the Citadel. I want the next cycles to have as long of a head start as possible. If we don't stop the Reapers I want the next cycle to be able to fight back with our entire collective might."

"That is a noble idea, Liara." Tali said, "No offense but I hope the next cycle won't need it. Or that it'll even happen"

"So do I." Liara laughed, "But it's better to err on the side of caution."

"This is what you visited Shepard about last night?" Tali asked suddenly. Liara nodded and pushed a button. A holographic figure emerged from the light. It was Shepard and Tali smiled at his familiar handsomeness.

"I wanted to get his opinion on what I thought was the last entry to make." Liara said simply.

"Last entry?"

"I have already included as much cultural information as I can. Music, art, theater…even weapons and history. I do not want our Galaxy to be forgotten like so many others. I thought it only right I included Shepard. He had been our vanguard against the Reapers. If anyone deserves to be remembered, it's him."

"What did you say about him?" Tali asked. Suddenly she was filled with an intense guilt. How could she have ever suspected Liara? She had never been anything other than a friend to Tali, and all she had asked for in return was that same friendship. Tali made a promise to herself; she would be Liara's friend no matter what.

"Shepard told me to tell the truth. Let the Galaxy see a man who fought for what was right." Liara said and called up a scrolling paragraph, "I said that John Shepard was an unstoppable biotic on the battlefield, and a peacemaker all other times. He led from the front with his heart, and could talk even the most bitter of rivals into peace." Tali was trying not to cry inside her helmet at Liara's words, "He convinced entire races to put aside centuries of war to face the Reapers together. He saw past prejudices and showed the Galaxy how to judge someone's character, not their race."

"Liara…that's beautiful." Tali said, unable to hide the quavering in her voice. If any sentient from the next cycle read that, they would have to take heart and unite to stop the Reapers.

"Thank you…but it's not finished yet." Liara said. Tali tilted her helmet to one side, questioning. "I couldn't retell the story of Commander Shepard without mentioning the one closest to him. The one he fought for." Liara pushed another series of buttons and a second figure replaced Shepard's glowing form. Tali gasped. It was her. A fully rendered micro Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy.

"Liara..." Tali breathed, "That's…that's me."

"I know Tali." Liara said and nodded, "It didn't feel right not to mention you. The story of how you and Shepard ended the war with the Geth and saved your entire race is one for the history books…so to speak." Liara laughed.

"I don't know what to say Liara…" Tali managed. She would never have considered herself worthy to be mentioned in the history of John Shepard.

"Well I was hoping you would." Liara called up an entry form on the box's display. Tali stared at the black screen for a very long time. Her thoughts and heart was racing as she tried to process what Liara was asking. She wanted to make Tali a part of history. Not just some side note, but an entire section for her and only her.

"Shepard said to be honest, right?" Tali asked quietly. Liara nodded, "Well if Shepard thinks that's what's best for him, then that's what's best for me."

"Somehow," Liara smirked, "I knew you would say that. You two really are perfect for one another."

"Thanks Liara."

"I'll say that Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy was born on the Quarian migrant fleet, and put the needs of her people above all else." Liara said softly, "She alone rekindled the Galaxy's faith in the Quarians and fought with all her heart to retake her lost home world. She was a genius mechanic who could repair anything." Liara smirked, "And she would wield a shotgun like no other. Shepard would not have been the man he was without Tali'Zorah."

"I…" Tali was speechless for a long time.

"Is there anything else you would like to put?"Liara asked after a moment. Tali gulped hard to regain her emotions. Tears of...something were stinging her eyes and her mouth had gone dry. Her heart hammered and she felt completely overwhelmed. It took her brain several long moments to restart, and when it did Tali decided to ease the mood.

"…Shepard snores." She said simply. Liara stared blankly at her for a moment, but a smile quickly spread over her features. She laughed, long and hard. The two laughed together and Liara wiped a stray tear from her eye.

"I'm not sure how much that will help defeat the Reapers, but it is certainly a welcome piece of information." Liara said and took a deep breath to stop her laughing, "Thank you Tali. I had forgotten what it was like to laugh after all this time."

"Please, I'm the one who should be thanking you, Liara." Tali said quickly, "I was such a bosh'tet to you for so long …I…I'm sorry Liara."

"Apology accepted." Liara said, not because she had ever taken offense to Tali's behavior, but because the Quarian needed to hear the words, "Hey, I was going to work through lunch today, but now…would you like to have lunch with me Tali and talk? As friends?"

"…Yes." Tali said and nodded several times, "I'd like that."

0000000

Tali felt the bed shift beneath her and rolled over, groaning. She felt the calloused hands of her captain run along her bare face and brush away her hair. Tali had taken to sleeping without her visor when in Shepard's cabin. It kept her immune system strong and allowed her to kiss him whenever she wanted. Of course Tali had installed new air-filters and EDI had come up with a brilliant way to decontaminate the cabin with a medical scanner. Tali opened her opal eyes and smiled at her human lover. Shepard's face was tired, and the lines under his blue eyes were deep. He was still in his Alliance crew uniform, but it was wrinkled from a long day of work. He must have just finished up for the day.

"Hey." Tali whispered as Shepard leaned down to kiss her. His lips were dry, but they were warm and she loved it.

"Hey yourself."

"What time is it?" She asked and reached for the clock. Shepard stopped her hand and instead kissed it gently.

"It's late." He said simply and put his head down on a pillow. Tali instinctively curled up on him and rested her head on his chest.

"I was getting worried." She said her mind still half asleep.

"Looks like you were sleeping." Shepard said with a smile.

"Quarians do our best worrying with our eyes closed." Tali teased and sighed as Shepard put an arm over her shoulder.

"In that case, close your eyes." Shepard whispered, "I have something for you." Tali looked up and saw his face was half playful, half serious. She sat up on her elbows and closed her eyes. She expected a kiss that would lead to another passionate night. Keelah, she wanted it! Instead she heard a soft crinkle, as if something was being unwrapped. There was barely audible snap and something pressed against Tali's lips.

"Bite." Shepard commanded. Tali did and let out a low moan of pleasure. Her head lulled back and she collapsed onto the pillow. The taste buds in her mouth were alight with a rich, creamy flavor that slowly melted in her mouth. It was better than the most gourmet nutrient paste.

"Turian chocolate…" Tali moaned and blindly reached out for Shepard's hand. She easily found it and found more chocolate, "Where…?"

"Garrus gave me a bar." Shepard whispered, "Said something about it being a down-payment for a modification?"

"I'll have to be extra nice to that bosh'tet." Tali teased and took another bite. Again it was ecstasy in her mouth. Tali let the piece melt in her mouth and sighed. She was about to reach for the entire bar when Shepard shook his head and put it on their nightstand, next to Tali's photo and their promise relic for a better life. Shepard broke off one last piece for her but folded the wrapping back over the rest of the bar.

"No more for tonight." He said, "We have to make it last until I can get you a constant supply."

"I might get fat if you buy me all the chocolate I want." Tali laughed and reached for the last piece. Shepard gave her an amused look and pulled his hand away.

"Oh really?" He asked, and narrowed his eyes, "Well then, I might have to think of a few ways to keep you in shape." Tali smiled wickedly at him.

"I'm open to suggestions." She said and traced a finger over his jaw line. Shepard placed the last piece of chocolate in his mouth but was careful not to bite it. He simply held it in place between his lips. Tali felt the color drain from her face. She had never imagined Turian chocolate and Shepard could be combined into one pleasure. Tali lunged at his lips, not really caring if she got Shepard or the chocolate.

It was ecstasy either way.


	3. Chapter 3

Through the shadows she moved, as if she had surrendered her corporeal form to become a spirit or wraith, as if the very shadows shifted and breathed with her. Shadows that bore powerful biotics and harbored vicious adamantine blades. She was invisible to the naked eye and somehow she knew only the most advanced scanners would register even a blip with her passing. No one had ever told her this but somehow she just knew, as if the information had been directly implanted into her subconscious. She didn't know much; at least she didn't think she did.

There were only bits and pieces of memories in her mind. There were _voids_…dark places, broken shards of memories. She saw faces when she closed her eyes. A man with golden hair and green eyes. He smiled and her heart quickened; she doesn't know why. She doesn't know this man. There was a child too; a beautiful girl with brown hair with a butterfly hairclip, and the man's green eyes. A hand reached out to stroke the girl's face. The shadow stopped and realized her body had mimicked the visions in her head. She could almost feel the girl's young skin through her glove. She almost had a name. It circled her mind like carrion birds, waiting.

In a flash the memories were gone and a nightmare had come. A word flashed in her mind. Thick black letters on a hard white steel door: **SANCTUARY**. She knew the word. It's was safe word, a safe place. The man and girl…she had brought them to Sanctuary. They had been running from something. A war? A monster? The shadow pressed a palm to her forehead to force the visions out. In the distance she imagined she could hear the echoes of screams. She knew it's the little girl's, and she wanted to go to her. Wanted to save her but it was far too late.

She remembered pain and voices. Face with glasses and long white lab coats. They studied her from behind glass. The man had been in a glass tube next to her. He screamed in pain, and it was inhuman. He was no longer human. His beautiful face was all but gone; only a shadow of him remained. His golden hair has long since been shaved off and his crisp green eyes were shards of malevolent glowing sapphires. His skin was drawn and taught, as if every bit of fat had been scraped away from his bone. His veins glowed with a sickening blue light. She looked away. She knew her body looked the same. A word kept repeating in her head, resounding with unknown meaning:

_Cerberus _

_Cerberus _

_Cerberus _

The memories faded all together as another explosion rocked the ground beneath her. The shadow tightened her grip in her sword. Her hand moved almost on its own to the pistol holstered at her side. A second explosion, bright and fiery ripped through the far end of the station. Targets moved back and forth, shouting and firing. Instantly her mind calculated numbers, dispositions, likely attacks patterns and weapon load outs. Thirteen Cerberus assault marines, two heavy weapon specialists, an engineer, and a centurion. There was a nemesis sniper somewhere, but the shadow didn't know where. She knew her place in the battle order. She was a shadow and a killer…a _phantom_.

With a flash thought the phantom switched her visor's optic field to scan through the smoke that obscured the battle. The other Cerberus warriors floundered under the vicious, constant hail of fire from their enemies. The phantom scanned with battle with her prey sight, picking out shapes in the mat-grey optic field. She counted five enemies; five expert killers, moving with a confidence and grace that spoke of years of companionship. A turian sniper, a quarian technician, an asari biotic and two human males; they moved as one, firing, ducking and reloading with the same practiced movements. Each in their own way was a god of death, but it was the lead human that she locked on to. His face was hidden behind a faceless N7 combat helmet, and he held a massive assault rifle in his expert grip. He fired and another assault marine collapsed, his head and neck blown clean off. The phantom's vision went red, and chemical dispensers in her suit filled her body with adrenaline stims. Her muscles surged with energy as a word flashed in bright red over her visor.

_Priority Target: Shepard _

The phantom moved.

0000000

Tali raked the side of her shotgun, expelling the red hot thermal clip and slapped in a fresh one in one fluid motion. Tracer fire clipped the edge of the box she was crouched behind and the quarian grimaced under her visor. She looked up at Liara next to her; the asari's eyes were glowing white hot and her beautiful face was twisted in a snarl of anger. Ever since their defeat at the hands of Cerberus on Thessia, the asari shadow broker had been on the war path. She had used every last shadowed resource to locate and destroy Cerberus listening facilities and research labs across the Galaxy. And now, face-to-face with Cerberus troops for the first time in a week, Liara was terrible thing to behold.

Tali nodded at the asari and as one, they rose from behind cover. Tali pumped shell after shell at the Cerberus troops while Liara threw them about viciously with her biotics. The asari stepped out from behind their cover and advanced slowly on the charging Cerberus.

"Liara!" Tali shouted and quickly ducked as return fire intensified. Tali pulled a thermal clip from a pouch on one of her belts and swapped it out for the glowing clip in her shotgun.

"Die!" Liara growled between her teeth and gripped a Cerberus rocket trooper with her biotics. She slammed the man against the wall of the outpost and then on the floor with a sickening crunch.

+Liara, get back into cover+ Shepard's hard voice came over the radio. It sounded somewhere between an order and a request. The asari fired her pistol twice as she backed off, felling two assault marines with expert headshots.

+My apologies, Shepard+ Liara whispered into the comm.

+Don't be sorry, Liara. Kill them all for all I care, but do it safely. We can't afford to lose you, not now+ It wasn't Shepard who responded, but second human Spectre and a close friend to both Tali and Liara.

+Thanks Kaidan. I will remember that+ Liara said and there was a hint of a smile in her voice. Tali tilted her head to one side and made a quick mental note to ask Liara if there was anything between her and Kaidan later.

+Shepard, sniper on the roof! + A hard, gravelly voice suddenly called out.

+Think you can get it? +

+You kidding?+ A concussive shot rang out and Tali saw a black clad Cerberus operative, a Nemisis, fall to the ground where it lay motionless, +Scoped and dropped+

+Alright team, let's move+ Shepard rose from cover followed swiftly by Kaidan. The two dashed forward, rifles held at the ready. The Cerberus forces had pulled back to regroup, but they would be back soon. +One last hacking device and the communications networks are secure. Tali, went we get to the terminal, I need you to disable the device. +

+You can count on me, John + For the longest time, Tali had tried to remain professional in front of the Normandy crew, and for the most part she did. But the four groundside with her now were her closest friends; people who she had fought alongside with, laughed and cried with for years. She had no reason to hide how she felt in front of them. It was a simple gesture to use his first name, but Tali always felt special saying it. Although she couldn't see Shepard's face, she knew he had smiled. He always did.

+Garrus, do you see that catwalk on the roof?+

+Looks like maintenance access for repairing the broadcast arrays. Get me to the main terminal and I can have the access hatch open in seconds+ Tali quickly put in. Shepard cast a quick glance over his shoulder and nodded at her.

+I want you on the roof, Garrus. Over watch+

+Got it+ The five moved quickly through the ransacked communication station. The desert wind of Ontarom howled and kicked up a fine layer of grit as it passed. Tali panned her shotgun left and right, checking that each Cerberus trooper was truly dead. With their human minds overridden with Reaper indoctrination, she doubted they were capable of such diversionary tactics as 'play dead' but it never hurt to be safe.

Tali knelt down next to an overturned cargo container and scanned the contents with an efficiency impossible for anyone born outside the migrant fleets. It was mostly spare parts for the massive bowl shaped broadcast arrays that dotted the land for kilometers around the station, but still there was some salvage value. Tali quickly scooped up a stack of credits, an energy conductor and what looked like bits for a moisture condenser. Here in the desert she imagined every molecule of water was painstaking collected and processed for drinking. But in the hands of quarian engineers on the agricultural assemblies on Rannoch, these parts could help control the artificial atmosphere of the green houses.

"Tali?" A voice whispered behind her. She quickly stood and pocketed her salvage.

"Sorry." She said quickly.

"Everything okay?" Shepard asked and Tali smiled behind her helmet.

"Just some scrap tech I was going to send to Rannoch." She said and shrugged, "Every little bit helps, right?" Even though all she could see of Shepard behind his thick N7 helmet was his eyes, she knew he had grinned. Shepard placed two fingers were his mouth was and then place them on Tali's speech light. She mimicked the action, feeling her heart flutter a bit.

Then their moment of comfort was gone and they nodded, weapons raised. "Let's get this done."

"Right behind you, John" Tali said and followed him.

They found the rest of the team crouched behind cover outside of the main hub of the station. It was a bleak, bleach white pre-frab building. The kind of building commonly found on every populated world in the galaxy.

"Doors locked, Shep." Kaidan said without looking up from the sights of his rifle.

"Tali." He said simply.

"On it." Tali responded and quickly tore open the door's control panel to run a bypass. The radio in her ear crackled to life and she glanced at her omni-tool to see the incoming sender. It was the communication station's lone surviving operator, an Alliance technician by the name of Grace Sato. She had been instrumental in pinpointing the Cerberus hacking devices in the station even while hiding for her life.

+Oh God, Shepard hurry!+ Her panicked voice whispered over the comm, +I think they know where I am+

+Listen to me Grace.+ Shepard said calmly, with that silky voice of his that could stop a Krogan from charging with just a word, +We are going to get you out of here. I promise+

+Please, I have a bondmate on Illium. Her name is Tasha'Lar. If I don't make it, tell her-+

+You will tell her yourself, Ms. Sato.+ Liara interrupted smoothly, +Commander Shepard promised to get you out of here alive, and I have never known him to break a promise+

+I…okay.+ Grace said softly.

+Sit tight, Grace. One more device to go and you'll be off this rock forever.+ Shepard said and cut the signal.

"Cerberus troops, Shepard." Garrus called out and fired a round from his sniper rifle. Shepard looked out on the amassing Cerberus counter assault. They still outnumbered his squad two-to-one, but he was confident his team could take them out no problem. The Cerberus leader, a centurion in pearl white armor and surrounded with blue patches of shields made a series of hand gestures to his troops and they fanned out in cover.

"Tali?" Shepard asked.

"One second." She responded and cut a final wire. Something in the door sparked and it slid open effortlessly. "Got it."

"Everyone inside. Move." Shepard barked, "We'll funnel them in through the entry corridor" Tali led the way inside, shotgun held out before her. She quickly came to the end of the corridor and found the stations main computer. She knew without being ordered what she needed to do. Tali set her shotgun on the small table next to the computer and began furiously typing at the holo-keypad.

+Kaidan, Liara, find some cover and hold the door. No Cerberus gets in to stop Tali+ Shepard commanded over the radio.

+On in, commander. +

Tali heard Shepard and Garrus's heavy footsteps behind her. Without looking up from her work, Tali pointed at a ladder on the far side of the room, "Garrus, that will take you to the roof. The hatch should open now." On cue, the metal access hatch slid open with a hydraulic sigh. Garrus didn't say anything; he just loaded a clip of thermal rounds into his rifle and strode purposefully over to the ladder.

"Keep the boshtets off of me for two minutes, and I'll have the Cerberus hacks disabled." Tali said quickly. She heard Shepard chuckle.

"That's my girl." He said softly. Tali looked up from her work and glanced at him with wicked eyes.

"Don't you forget it." She said meaningfully and went back to her typing. Before he could respond, the unmistakable _tat tat tat_ of assault rifles echoed down the corridor. Shepard hefted his Revenant assault rifle, checked his load and went to join Kaidan and Liara at the corridor.

0000000

From her vantage point on the top of broadcast tower, the Phantom could see everything. Her vision was stained red with heat signatures as she observed the battle unfold. The other Cerberus forces fought in the only way they knew how; overpowering their enemies with sheer weight of fire and numbers. The Phantom did not fight like they did. The grunts of Cerberus only knew how to fire a weapon. They didn't even know who to kill; that had to be told to them.

The Phantom's strategies were opaque; she knew how to really hurt her enemies. How to drive a dagger through their hearts and to hurt them were they were most vulnerable. Her enemies were well positioned in the main hub. Most of the Cerberus warriors were content to engage them in a pitched firefight in the main corridor. The two humans and the asari were doing well holding off the superior numbers. The turrian had cover and concealment on the roof and she knew before too long his rifle would reap a terrible toll on the Cerberus forces. The quarian was not fighting. She was at the main computer, most likely trying to stop Cerberus from hacking the Alliance communication networks. The Phantom didn't care. It wasn't her job to protect the mainframe. Her job was to kill Jonathan Shepard.

The Phantom watched the battle play out for a few seconds, studying and calculating. She had to get Shepard away from his companions. One-on-one she could easily kill him, but with four guns at her back the chances of survival and mission completion dropped astronomically. The Phantom sensed an opportunity and keyed in to the general Cerberus frequencies. She spoke directly into the ear of the centurion.

"Divide your forces." She ordered, knowing her voice alone carried an override code that would force the centurion to follow her commands, "Send a squad around back. Flank them. I will open the rear door remotely."

"Acknowledged." The centurion responded in a dead, lobotomized voice. A memory flashed in the Phantom's mind and she thought of the man from her memories. The centurion's voice was…similar. She dismissed the thought. Five of the remaining assault marines were quickly making their way through the landing pads to the rear of the complex. The Phantom called up the facilities commands on her omni-tool and unlocked the loading bay door.

As the Cerberus forces drew closer, she pressed the activation stud on the hilt of her sword. Red electricity danced along the mono-molecular blade and her grip tightened in anticipation.

0000000

Tali's eyes darted up as she heard the unmistakable low-pressure hiss of a door opening. To her shock she saw that the second corridor that branched off the main-hub and led to the loading docks had opened, seemingly on its own accord. Tali hissed under her breath and quickly checked the access logs.

"Bosh'tet." She cursed when she saw an unregistered user had ordered a priority override of the locks.

+John, Cerberus unlocked the rear entrance. They might send troopers around to flank us. +

+Confirmed, Shepard+ Garrus barked over the comm, +I see half a dozen assault marines moving quickly through the loading docks.+ A shot rang out. +Make that half a dozen, minus one+

+I'm on my way+ Shepard clipped. Tali heard footsteps echoing down the hall and glance up to see Shepard enter the main control room and nod at her before continuing to the end of the room.

"Good luck John." Tali said.

"Always."

"I love you." She said before she could stop herself. Something in Tali's gut had forced the words out, despite the situation. Shepard stopped and cast a glance over his shoulder.

"I love you too Tali. Keelah 'Seli" With that he was gone. Tali cast a quick glance out the reinforced glass window. Something moved for the briefest of seconds. She had seen a flash of red and the outline of…_something_. Or maybe it was just her imagination?

Tali looked back at the computer screen. The Cerberus hack was over half removed. Her own custom programs were more than enough to override and delete the Cerberus scrap code. The forces Cerberus had sent were all but gone. Garrus, the best marksmen she had ever heard of was on the roof, in his element. Liara and Kaidan, two awesomely powerful biotics and expert killers were mowing down the slack-jawed Cerberus assault marines, and the love of her life, _the_ Commander Shepard was just down the hall, ready to prove once again why he was known throughout the galaxy. So why was there a sinking feeling in her gut, screaming that something was wrong? Tali set her programs to 'auto-execute' and retrieved her shotgun.

Something was wrong, and she was determined to find out what.

0000000

The first Cerberus assault marine came around the corner just seconds after Shepard arrived at the unlocked bay door. Shepard skidded to a knee and raised his rifle to his shoulder. He pressed the trigger; a torrent of mass-reactive tungsten armor penetrating rounds roared from the stub-mouth barrel of his rifle. He had carried the gun since boarding a derelict Collector ship over a year ago, and he hoping it would be his 'Jessie'. The stories Zaeed had told him were empowering, in their own twisted ways.

The rounds struck true, striking the Cerberus trooper in the shoulder and neck. The armor penetrating rounds tore the Cerberus marine's armor to pieces and turned the skin beneath to mulch. The marine toppled back as bright blue blood, like liquid electricity, gushed from the man's ruined neck. The remaining assault marines returned fire and Shepard ducked to the left as the rounds pounded the wall behind him. Shepard peaked around his cover, taking in the scene in a second. Two assault marines were behind cover while the other two were readying to rush him with shock batons.

Shepard raised his rifle and let lose, tearing through piping and cables to puncture the chest armor of one of the Cerberus troopers. The man let out an electric discharge than passed for a scream and fell back. The Spectre ducked back in time to avoid a hail of biting rounds in return. Shepard quickly replaced his thermal clip and unclipped a grenade from his belt. He primed the plasma grenade with a four second timer. He jumped from the doorway and tossed the grenade to land on the other side of the cover the Cerberus marines crouched behind before returning to cover.

The explosion was sun-bright and roasted the Cerberus marines in their armor. Shepard stormed from the corridor, rifle raised. The three troopers lay on the ground, writing in pain and desperately trying to rip the super-heated armor from their bodies. Shepard sneered at the smell of cooking flesh and fired three shells into each trooper. They may have been abominations now, but his experiences on Sanctuary had showed him the troopers had been innocent men and women once, simply seeking a safety falsely promised by Miranda's father. They did not deserve to suffer any longer.

0000000

It was time. She had bided her time as Shepard tore the assault marines apart. He was outside, alone. _Exposed_. The Phantom raised her sword, teeth mashing under her helmet. Her body was tense with chemical enhancements, like a spring ready to strike. Shepard turned and she leapt.

0000000

Shepard lowered his rifle and looked out on the empty communication station. The sound of gunfire in the distance was dying down. He imagined that Liara had unleashed more of her bottomless rage on the Cerberus forces. She was dark right now, and he hoped Kaidan could pull her out of that darkness.

Shepard froze. He had heard a sound, like steel scraping on steel. It was brief and almost lost in the wind. Shepard spun on his heel. A sword blade was singing through the air towards him. Shepard staggered back, dodging the blade by a hair's breath. He raised his rifle one-handed but his assailant swept her energized blade down and cut the barrel off with one clean sweep. Shepard tossed the gun aside and side-stepped as the Cerberus assassin lunged forward. He struck out, intent on catching her in the helmet but the woman dance back, nimble as a leaf on the wind.

The Phantom struck again, and this time Shepard was not fast enough. Her energized blade cut into his shoulder guard and he hissed as bright pain shot through his arm. The Phantom leapt back, readying another strike. Shepard pulled the pistol from his belt and balled his hand into a fist. His omni-tool leapt to life, forming an iridescent orange blade. Shepard raised his pistol and fired. The Phantom effortless deflected the shot with her energized blade and leapt forward. Shepard brought his omni-blade up and twisted on his heel, letting the assassin's blade slide off and away from him. He fired again, but missed. It seemed that no matter where he fired, the Phantom simply wasn't there anymore.

The Phantom swept her blade in a wide arc, forcing Shepard onto his back leg. She grinned behind her helmet. She leapt at him, her blade moving almost too fast for the eye to see. Any other opponent would have been cut to ribbons, but Shepard was different. He was stronger and faster than the average human, with reaction speeds that mirrored her own. He dodged, parried and deflected and squeezed off shots of opportunity. One managed to slip past her guard and scraped across her leg. She didn't feel anything. They fought for what felt likes hours, but was only seconds at best. Each strike was perfect, but the more Shepard fought the better he became. He was studying her every move, memorizing just like she did. He was adapting to her fighting stance, meeting her blade-for-blade. Shepard fired again, this time at her feet and she jumped back, only too late did she realize he had never meant to hit her.

Shepard brought his knee up and hammered it into her chest. Her armor buckled and her ribs cracked. The air was forced from her lungs, and she gasped. But still on she came. The Phantom elbowed his helmet, snapping his head back and up. The phantom lashed out again, hitting the back of his knee with her armored boot. Shepard staggered to one knee as his other leg went numb. The pistol had fallen from his hand at some point. The Phantom loomed behind him. Shepard saw a figure emerge from the station's doorway. He heard a scream, and then agony.

The Phantom's blade stabbed through his back, cutting meat and flesh and bone. The blade erupted out his chest, cutting his armor as if it was paper. His vision rapidly darkened as his blood fountained from his wound. Shepard let out a ragged breath before he pitched onto his chest.

0000000

"JOHN!" Tali screamed. The Cerberus assassin put one foot on Shepard's back and wrenched the blade free in a gush of blood. Tali felt rage surge through her veins and her vision went blood red. She roared in pure agony and rage and brought her shotgun up. She fired as she charged, each shot forcing the Phantom back a step.

+Tali, what's wrong?+ Liara demanded over the comm. She didn't respond. The blood in her head pounded so loud as she could hear was her own pain. The Phantom staggered under her endless fire until the thermal clip ran dry. Tali threw the gun aside and drew her pistol. In the second it took her to switch weapons, the Phantom recovered and leapt forward. Tali fired, her rage driving her skills to unimaginable levels. The first round took the Phantom in the shoulder and the second in the hip. But still she charged on. Tali fired and fired, two more rounds landing on the Phantom's chest, but failing to penetrate.

The Phantom raised her blade high but Tali leapt away and lashed out with her foot. The Phantom seemed surprised Tali was as agile as she was and barely managed to back away from the raging quarian. Tali pulled the combat blade from its sheath on her boot and held it in a reversed grip.

"I'll kill you, boshtet!" She snarled and lashed out with the blade. At the same time she fired her pistol. Force to decide the Phantom deflected the bullet but Tali's blade cut along her forearm, staining her armor in electric blue blood. The Phantom lunged with her blade, well aware her time was running out. Tali deflected the blade with her knife, but let it roll away to the side. Her knife was a simple dagger, not an energized blade of reinforced steel. She knew the assassin's blade, still stained with Shepard's blood, would cut her blade in half if she ever blocked it full on.

Tali fired her pistol again, but the Phantom dodged to the leapt and kicked out with her foot. The gun was knocked from Tali's grip and she grimaced. Tali held her blade in one hand and quickly charged her omni-tool. When the Phantom lunged again, Tali side-stepped and delivered a vicious back-hand to her helmet and discharged her omni-tool's energy. The Phantom staggered back, her helmet overloading. Tali raised her blade and stabbed down, biting into the Phantom's shoulder.

The Cerberus operative lashed blindly with her first, striking Tali on the side of the helmet. Tali's head rocked back in her helmet and everything went bright white for a moment. Then her vision returned in time to see the Phantom plant a powerful kick to her chest. Tali sprawled on the floor, gasping for breath as the wind was knocked from her lungs. She glared up at the Phantom as she pulled the blade from her shoulder.

"I hate you." Tali snarled, tasting blood in her mouth. The Phantom tilted her head to one side and dropped Tali's blade. She raised her own energized blade high to deliver the death blow.

A shot rang out, loud and final.

The Phantom remained motionless for a long moment. Then her grip on the sword failed and it came crashing to the steel floor. The Phantom's staggered for a moment before turning. Shepard held Tali's lost pistol in one weak hand and was barely able to keep the weapon aloft. He was still on his chest and his breath was coming to him in slow, ragged gasps.

"John!" Tali called out

"Get…a..away…f…f…from…her" He managed and fired again. The Phantom staggered back but made for her fallen blade.

"Shepard! Tali!"

"Commander!"

Two more figures had appeared at the doorway with a third sighting down his sniper rifle on the roof. As one, the three remaining squad mates fired. The Phantom danced and jerked under the hail of bullets. Kaidan fired his rifle in short, controlled burst. Liara's eyes were narrowed as she mercilessly fired her pistol as she advanced. Garrus sighted down his rifle and fired a single shot, taking the Phantom in the eyes. The grey matter and circuitry that passed for her brain exploded out in a spray. The Phantom's body flew to the side and came to rest draped over the railing.

"John!" Tali screamed and made a mad dash to her human. Kaidan was a heartbeat behind her and together they flipped him on his back. Tali fumbled with the seals of his helmet and wrenched it off. Shepard's face was pale and blood leaked from his mouth with a thin, constant trickle.

"Tali…" He wheezed. Two more shots rang out as Liara blew the Phantom's head off and pushed the body over the edge to tumble to the desert floor below.

"Don't you dare talk, you boshtet!" Tali snarled at him and looked up, "Kaidan?" The human Spectre injected two syringes of medigel into his commander's chest.

"It's bad. We need to get him to the Normandy, ASAP."

+Already signaled Cortez.+ Garrus's voice said over the comm. The turian had simply jumped from the roof to the steel floor below. +And Operator Grace Sato is seconds away.+

"Stay with me John." Tali whispered and placed a hand on his cheek. Shepard grinned and put two fingers to his bloody lips. With what was left of his strength he placed the fingers on Tali's voice-light and smiled.

"Won't…go…f…far…" He said and laughed. Despite herself, Tali grinned. Tears were trying to force themselves out of her eyes, but she fought them back. He was going to make it! He promised! A home on Rannoch. She had the relic, in writing, in their cabin!

"Not without me, you won't." She said and cradled his head in her lap and stroked his buzzed hair. Above her the Normandy's shuttle roared on grav-thrusters as it slowly lowered itself.

"Not without me John." She whispered, "Not without me."


	4. Chapter 4

Beep

Beep

Beep

_Peace… A rhythmic hum muffled through pain suppressants and a cocktail of numbing agents…_

_A calming voice, similarly distorted. The words are lost, but the tone is comforting… _

Beep

Beep

Beep

_Something beeps insistently in the background… _

_A pale face appears, blurred through a purple filter. The features are indistinct, the expression indiscernible_…

Beep

Beep

Beep

_A low hiss, like decompression… _

_Lips on his cheek. They are soft, and cool…. _

Beep

Beep

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_Words are whispered in his ear… _

_He feels a flutter in his stomach… _

Beep

Beep

Beep

_A hand is laid upon his shoulder, caring, hopeful, nurturing… _

_Even loving perhaps… _

_Fire and blood crashed through the peace. Fire from burning inferno of the explosion; blood from tears in his armor. The air was filled with a terrible cacophony of noise; screams of the dying, barked commands from officers, shouts and curses, the hard hiss/pop of auto cannon fire, the roar of jet engines and grav-tanks, and deafening explosions. _

_There is no pain; no physical pain at least. The psychological pain, the horror of failure burned like an open wound in his mind. Most of the crimson drying on his armor was not his own. He didn't know the names of the civilians and marines whose grizzly flesh and viscera now cover his armor; he didn't want to know. Slowly-too slowly- his vision swam back into a hazy focus. There was a constant loud ringing in his ear and when he called out to any survivors, his own voice rumbled in his skull as if from a great distance. Shepard tasted copper in his mouth and swallowed hard; his head was still dizzy and he blinked to clear his vision. _

_A few memories flashed in his mind. The explosion had torn a complete hole in the defensive line, obliterating barricades and bodies in a tidal wave of fire. Shepard felt anger pumping through his veins, but for every drop that was directed at the Batarian slavers there was a drop directed inward. If only he had been quicker, if only his aim had been better. He had seen the varen warhound charge through the defenders hail of fire, wearing a vest packed with impact charges. He had screamed into the vox and fired the last clip from his pistol. Every shot had struck true, but it had not been enough. _

_The varen had reached the lines, and the batarians detonated the charges. It had been like standing in a firestorm. Shepard gripped the nearest object above him, unwilling to look to see if it was a piece of rebar protruding from the blasted barricade, or bone from one of the mangled defenders. The ringing in his ear gradually faded only to be replaced with the constant buzz of his broken vox-radio. _

_Shepard tore the battered helmet from his head, grimacing as a piece of glass from his broken visor tore the skin above his right eye. Pain throbbed through his left hand and he glanced down. A piece of shrapnel had punctured his armor and pushed clear through his hand to burst out the other side. The appendage twitched and he found he couldn't flex any of the fingers. Strangely there was no pain; the adrenaline rushing through his body kept all injuries from his mind. A shout drew his attention before he could inspect the rest of his body. There, through the clearing smoke, a figure emerged. Even with his limited knowledge of xenos, he can recognize the snarling maw and slanted dark eyes. _

_A vorcha. The creature-he couldn't bring himself to use the word person- snarled its hate and bloodlust at him. Instead of drawing a pistol and finishing him off like a trained warrior would, the vorcha drew a serrated blade from its belt. The blade was curved and lined with hooks designed to tear and flay skin from bones. More figures began to emerge from the smoke. Vorcha, batarians, varen and even a massive krogan. Even with his eyesight blurry from the concussion he knew he had, Shepard counted at least two dozen hostiles. _

_Shepard looked around desperately for a moment, finally seeing a battered M-8 Avenger rifle amongst the rubble. The vorcha followed his eye line and saw the fallen weapon. Whether the creature wanted to prevent Shepard from getting the weapon, or possess it itself, Shepard would never know. He dashed for the weapon at the same time the vorcha charged. The air around his exploded with zipping tracer fire and the ground rumbled as the krogan charged. _

_Two rounds pounced off his shoulder guard, momentarily throwing off his balance. A third shot ricocheted off the fallen masonry and a piece of flying shrapnel cut across his cheek. Shepard grimaced and fought down a snarl. Shepard dove and gripped the rifle a heartbeat before the vorcha did. With his remaining good hand, Shepard twisted the weapon around. The vorcha clawed at him, raking his cheek with its claws and trying to tear his throat out. Shepard lashed out with his foot, smashing the xeno's thin ribcage. He kicked again and heard the satisfying crunch of ribs breaking. Oily black blood began to dribble from the vorcha's mouth but still on it came. If anything the injuries made it even more feral and berserk. Shepard lashed out with his wounded hand, desperate to get the creature off of him. His numb left hand collided with the vorcha's eye. The shard of metal still lodged in his hand punctured through the soft jelly of creature's eyes and into the grey matter of its brain. The vorcha died instantly, its body twitching as its nervous system registered it was dead. Shepard pushed the body off him and staggered to his feet. His heart hammered in his chest but there was no time to try to calm himself. _

_Shepard raised the rifle as the krogan cleared the rubble of the barricades. His first barrage impacted against the krogan's shields and his second managed to dent itself on the massive beast's thick blue armor. Shepard fired his looted rifle wildly when it became obvious the krogan wasn't going to stop. Several rounds bounced off its armor and a few scored grooves in its massive, thick head plate. The krogan roared and swatted the rifle from Shepard's hands. The impact alone was enough to almost knock his shoulder from its socket. The krogan gripped Shepard by his chest and hauled him into the air. It looked at him with its beady black eyes and snarled. Shepard spat at it and brought his spiked hand up to stab it. The krogan caught his arm mid-swing and gripped the metal shard protruding from his palm. _

_With a sickening grin, it twisted the metal and Shepard screamed. He could feel the metal grinding his bones and veins into a bloody mush. Blinded by tears of agony, Shepard ripped the last remaining grenade from his webbing and lashed out with his knee at the same time. He managed to knock the krogan back a step before he dove for cover. The grenade rolled to a gentle stop just next to the krogan's foot. The krogan pirate disappeared in a cloud of green blood and too many organs. Briefly Shepard wondered just how many organs a krogan had. _

_When the dust settled, Shepard saw that the krogan's death had caused the other raiders to pause, the momentum of their assault wavering briefly. It was enough time to find the fallen Avenger rifle and slowly reload it with his one good hand. A roar of anger filtered in from beyond the blasted barricades and Shepard knew the raiders had found their bloodlust again. Not that it mattered. He would kill them all. Elysium would not fall so long as a single drop of blood remained in Shepard's body. He would never again be too slow or weak to prevent a death. Shepard felt a scream of anger build in his chest and he fired. _

0000000

Dr. Chakwas entered the medbay with a datapad in hand and eyes locked on the bio-readouts therein. It was the graveyard shift and there was only a skeleton crew on duty. Normally the doctor would be fast asleep, but the medical staff at the Huerta Memorial Hospital had asked for her medical expertise in diagnosing various levels of failed Reaper indoctrination in the war wounded. She was far from an expert, but her experience gave her an edge that could save lives. That was worth the loss of sleep.

The yawn that had been itching at the back of her throat quickly escaped as a weary sigh when she looked up. The light above the only occupied bed at the far corner of the room was on; dimmed to avoid attention, but on none-the-less. The figure lying in the bed was asleep, or as close as one gets to sleep when in a chemically induced coma. But it was the shadowed hunched figure in the chair next to the bed that had drawn the sigh from Chakwas' lips.

"If you keep this up…" Chakwas whispered, but in the dead of night her voice carried effortlessly over the background hum of the Normandy and the regular, rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor next to Shepard's prone body, "...I might order EDI to lock you out of the medbay. You need sleep as much as anyone, Tali."

The Quarian turned slightly and even from the other side of the room, Chakwas heard the pops of a stiff neck and back, "I know…I just couldn't sleep. I had to see his face." She turned back to her defacto bondmate, "I wanted to make sure he was okay."

"You know he's not scheduled to wake up for another twenty-seven hours. Worrying yourself sick won't help anyone either." Chakwas chided gently, having picked up on the rough, dry throat sound in the young woman's voice. Over the years she had come to look at Tali as family and in moments of drunken enlightenment, the aged doctor might even say Tali was the daughter she never had.

Due to the severity of his injuries they had placed Shepard in an artificially induced coma to give his body enough time to heal. They had sped up the process with vat grown stemcells so that when he woke he would be sore but not crippled. When Tali didn't respond, Dr. Chakwas walked over to the pair and reviewed Shepard's bio-readings. She manipulated a few dials and made minor adjustments to a chemical dispenser.

Tali had been distraught, bordering on a complete mental collapse when Shepard had been brought aboard. It had taken Lieutenant Vega and Major Alenko to restrain her and both of them sported livid bruises on their bodies as a result. Not that it had done much good; for the first five hours of surgery Tali had paced relentlessly back and forth outside the med-bay, her body as coiled as a snake ready to strike. Upon hearing that Shepard was stable she had calmed and it had been Liara who suggested Tali continue working to make the time go by faster until Shepard awoke.

"I told myself I wasn't going to come down here. I tried exhausting my mind with little things." Tali snorted out a laugh, "I even made decent progress on fixing Shepard's rifle."

"He loves that gun." Chakwas laughed, "Boys and their toys, eh?"

"I love my toys too." Tali said and the doctor heard a mix of amusement and sexuality in her voice, "If John was awake, he'd know exactly how to get me to sleep."

"Glad to hear it." Chakwas said and did a basic scan of Tali with her omni-tool, "Immune system still holding up? Any congestion? Headaches? Rashes? Fevers?"

"Not a thing." Tali said and it was obvious how proud she was of that fact, "Completely adapted. I'm his now." She reached out and took Shepard's hand, "And he's mine…he promised." Chakwas narrowed her eyes at the forlorn voice the Quarian had used. She reached out and put a hand to Tali's shoulder.

"Tali?" She asked carefully. The engineer shook her head slightly.

"Sorry. Just girly romance stuff." She tried to laugh it off, "You know, swooning, sighing, dreaming…"

"Ah young love." Chakwas laughed wistfully, "I remember how enamored you were with the commander back on the old Normandy." Tali sputtered at this a bit.

"What?" She asked then coughed, "I mean…well…yes. I was…fascinated with Shepard."

"That's not the word I would use." Chakwas said with a smirk, "Part of the perks of being in the medbay most of the day means I notice the crew as they walk by. I seem to remember a young Quarian engineer who sat next to Shepard at every meal, and hung onto his every word. I remember how upset you were when Liara started to take your seat next to Shepard."

"…was I that obvious?" Tali whispered, her face burning red.

"To me, it was clear as day." Chakwas motioned to the sleeping man on the bed, "To Shepard, not so much. You know men. Have to spell everything out."

"So true." Tali laughed.

"I even remember the time when Shepard, Alenko and Williams were about to go out for a late night drink." Chakwas eyed the quarian meaningfully, "Remember? We had just finished up on Feros? You were sitting alone in the mess hall…?"

"Shepard asked me if I wanted to come along." Tali said, her mind lost in memories and voice thick with emotion.

"He offered you his hand to help you stand." Chakwas grinned, "And you didn't let go after you were up."

"No. I didn't." Tali said with a small laugh. She looked down at her hand, which still held Shepard's in a tight grip. She smiled. So much time had passed since then…so many bad memories. But still…she was holding Shepard's hand. It wasn't all bad. "I was so nervous, I didn't even realize it until Ashley gave me one of her amused stares."

"Do you ever miss her?" Chakwas asked, her voice hushed. Tali nodded slowly.

"Sometimes. I miss her bring-it-on attitude. I miss her whenever I feel the need for a big sister to give me a pep-talk." Tali said with a hint of sadness. It was true. Ashley Williams hadn't been the warmest person when they first met, but over time Ashley and Tali had become close. She shared a sibling's bond with both Kaidan and Ashley and sometimes she wondered what Ashley would say or do in any given situation. Ashley Williams had been a great soldier and an even better friend. Her death had been a cutting blow to the entire Normandy crew. Tali knew that Kaiden, whom she suspected had more than a professional relationship with Ashley, still sent flowers and a hand-written letter to the Williams every year on the anniversary of her death.

"She was a good woman." Chakwas said and put a hand on Tali's shoulder, "She would be proud of you Tali." It took a moment for the Quarian to respond.

"I hope so." She said softly. Dr. Chakwas couldn't tell if the silence that descended between them was uncomfortable or not. She decided to clear her throat and walked over to one of the cabinets.

"Hey, why don't you go get some sleep?" She asked and offered Tali a small injector, "This will help you sleep. It's a mild sedative." Tali looked at the metallic cylinder for a moment then looked back at Shepard. She reached out and stroked his growing stubble and smiled underneath her mask. He looked so peaceful right now. Tali loved watching him sleep but she had to admit her eyes burned with a need for sleep and her mind was sluggish. But still she didn't want to leave her lover's side.

"I…" She began but sighed deeply. She knew better than anyone what Shepard would say if he saw her, hunched over and barely awake. Tali reached out and took the small device from Chakwas. "Okay." She said with a small sigh and stood. Dr. Chakwas didn't say anything. She just gave the young Quarian a sympathetic look

Tali spared one last look back at Shepard and watched switch off the light above his bed. The med-bay was engulfed in almost complete darkness with the light of machines winking.

0000000

The following morning Tali awoke with a start. For the briefest of moments she blindly felt the place her bondmate usually occupied and sighed when she remembered she would find it empty.

"EDI?" She called out, "Has there been any change in Shepard's condition, any at all?" The blue-white ball of EDI's avatar appeared on her display base at the far end of the room.

"_Commander Shepard's heartbeat has steadily increased over the last six hours and is now within acceptable levels._" EDI's synthetic voice replied calmly, "_His wounds have healed a further 34.6%;_ _perfectly on schedule with Dr. Chakwas' expectations._"

"That is good." Tali said slowly. She was no doctor and EDI often spoke too matter-of-factly but she was sure it was good news. Tali stood and snatched at a water tube and nutrient tube from the table in Shepard's room. She had brought a few supplies up to the cabin; if she went to the messhall she knew should would just spend the rest of the day in the medbay.

Tali ate and drank slowly as she walked over to the elevator. Her finger hesitated over the button for deck three but she willed herself not to push it. Instead she pushed the fifth button and the elevator smoothly traveled down to the cargo bay. When the door open Tali saw Lieutenant Cortez hunched over his work console.

"Good morning." She said, trying to sound cheery. Cortez looked up at her and snorted out a laugh.

"Good afternoon more like, Miss Zorah." He said politely, "It's almost passed thirteen-hundred hours." Tali gasped at this and looked down at her chrono-reader. Sure enough the red digits blinked back a much later hour than she thought it was.

"Well look who is finally up!" Vega called from his little area, "How you doing Sparks? Get enough beauty sleep?"

"One of us has too Lieutenant Vega." Tali retorted with a grin, "And Keelah knows it's not going to be you." Vega placed his hand over his heart and staggered dramatically.

"Oh Sparks, you wound me!" He gasped out.

"It's nothing you don't deserve, Mr. Vega. " Cortez said, "Now get back to work and leave the poor girl alone."

"Ouch Esteban, you're grouchy today." Vega joked but turned back to his station.

"I prefer the term professional, thank you very much Mr. Vega. " Cortez said and turned to Tali to offer her a smile. "Your work is right were you left it." Tali nodded her head graciously and walked over to the weapon's station.

There, laid out like a blueprint diagram, was Shepard's beloved rifle. Tali picked up the exact tool she had been using the night before and began to clean one of the many components. Her eyes studied the work she still had left to do and she simply shrugged. It was a lot but this was John's rifle, her John.

She spent almost an hour hunched over the station, slowly and delicately filing down spare parts to fit. She had crafted a new barrel using tools from the armory and replaced overloaded capacitors with fresh spares. When Tali finished tooling and wiring Shepard's favorite Inferno round mod she set the piece aside and frowned slightly.

"Lieutenant?" She called out, "Do we have any Mrk. V stabilizing coils in the armory I can use? Shepard's rifle won't get more than a few shots before over-heating without one."

"Let me check for you." Cortez said and called up a digital inventory list. He scrolled through it slowly before shaking his head, "I'm sorry Miss Zorah, but we don't have any of that design. All we have is the Mrk. III models and they won't fit." Tali cursed under her breath and scowled. She was a Quarian damn it and something as minor as a stabilizing coil wouldn't stop her from fixing Shepard's rifle.

"_We are currently docked at the Citadel, Tali'Zorah._" EDI's voice called out, "_Would you like me to place a procurement order with Alliance Command?_"

"No, thank you EDI." Tali said after a moment. She looked at the timer she had set for when Shepard was scheduled to wake up. She still had over twelve hours to go. Plenty of time, "I think I'll go to the Presidium myself and find what I need."

"Understood." EDI responded, "Logging you out."

0000000

Tali growled in frustration as she left the shop. It was the third on her list that had not had the part she needed in stock. Her temper was slowly rising as she walked through the Presidium. The damage from the failed Cerberus assault was still obvious with the blast damage walls and piles of rubble in the corners.

She walked as if on auto-pilot, dodging and weaving her way through the crowds with ease. Her years on the Migrant fleet had taught her how to move through crowds efficiently and swiftly. For the first time in her life, she went completely unremarked by the races around her. No one sneered or spat or shoved when she passed. Part of Tali was pleased that Quarian's seemed to be more acceptable now; the other part fumed that it had taken something like the Reaper's to draw off everyone's hate for her people.

Tali eventually found the last shop on her Extranet search that could sell the coil she needed. She made a beeline for the armaments and modification section, completely missing the withering glare the turian shopkeeper threw her way. Tali almost shouted with joy; there is was! The exact model and mark coil she needed to complete Shepard's gun. The price tag was high, but fare and she happily took the device from the wall. With obvious pride in her step, Tali sauntered over to the checking counter and placed the coil down.

"I'll take this, please." Tali said, trying to hide the excitement in her voice, "No need to bag it or anything. I have plenty of pockets."

"I'm sure you do." The turian growled and hit a key on his console, "That will be 600 credits. "

"Excuse me?" Tali snorted, eyes wide in disbelief. The turian cashier simply shrugged.

"Don't want it, don't buy it." He said and reached for the stabilizing coil Tali had picked from among the racks. Reflexively the Quarian moved her hand away, keeping the part close to her.

"I want it, but the price tag said 300 credits." Tali said and pointed at the wall display. The plinth she had taken the item from displayed a list of its functions, characteristics and a price tag of 299 credits. The turian gave a dry, humorless chuckle.

"That price is for Citadel races, Quarian." The turian pushed a key on his display pad. The 600 jumped to 750. "Keep mouthing back and I'll make it even higher." Inwardly Tali seethed with anger. This was the coil, the only coil with the new rationing laws that fit Shepard's damaged rifle. Without it, Tali would have spent countless hours cleaning, repairing and modding an impressive looking piece of junk.

"You…you bosh'tet!" Tali snarled, "There is a war wagging in the galaxy! The reapers are trying to kill everyone and all you can think about is trying to rip a Quarian off? You racist bosh'tet!" The Turian's eyes narrowed.

"You know, I don't think I want you in my store anymore. Leave. Drop the coil on the counter and get the fuck out before I call C-Sec!" Tali's grip on the coil tightened and for the briefest of moments she considered running out of the store with the part. Stealing it. Proving to this bastard the Quarians were just thieves. But John's rifle needed this part. Thankfully before she had time to act, a voice cleared its throat behind her.

"Is there a problem here?" Came a calm, raspy voice Tali knew well. Behind her mask she let out a small sigh of relief and turned. Kaiden Alenko was standing in the doorway of the shop, but Tali was surprised to see Liara at his side, eyes narrowed at the Turian.

"This Quarian is wasting my valuable time! She's trying to use the war to get my sympathy so she doesn't have to pay full price!" Her two friends looked at her, both obviously not believing the turian and wanting her side of the story.

"This stabilizing coil is the only one I could find on the Citadel. Without it, John's rifle won't be able to displace its heat buildup." She held up the part in question then pointed to where she had found it, "The tag said 300 credits. That is a fair price." She turned to the turian, "This bosh'tet wants to charge me 750 because I'm a Quarian!"

"Oh does he?" Liara whispered, her voice dripping with menace. She took a step forward but before she could activate her biotics, Kaiden held out a hand to stop her. She eyed him angrily for the briefest of moments but offered him a sad smile and nodded.

"This true?" Kaiden asked the turian.

"Hey the suit-rat is lucky I'm even selling to her." the turian said, "but I've lost my patience. I want her out." Tali stiffened at the racial slur and Liara fought back the urge to turn the turian into a ragdoll. Kaiden's eyes narrowed and he stepped forward loudly.

"Let me tell you how this is going to go." He said darkly, looking the turian in the eyes. Normally Kaiden's eyes were a soft brown. Now they looked like scorched earth. Determined. Pitiless. "I will be taking this coil." He reached out for the part and Tali hesitated for a moment. Only Liara's firm nod made her hand the part over. Kaiden put it on the counter, "And I'll be taking that Mrk. X recoil dampener and…Liara?"

He turned to the Asari, who's barely contained anger was obvious, "Didn't you say you wanted more stopping power in your pistol?" Liara smirked.

"Why, I do believe I did, Spectre Alenko." The turian took a step back and gulped.

"Spectre?" He breathed. Kaiden grinned.

"I'll also take that pulse magnifier. And I'll be taking them with my Spectre discount of seventy-five percent." He said firmly.

"What?!"

"You can charge it to the Citadel Council Financial office. Class B-8 expense claim. You should be paid by the end of the fiscal year."

"But…but that's months away! How am I supposed to maintain my stock?" The turian snarled, "This is an outrage! This…this is extortion!" the humor in Kaiden's eyes died immediately.

"Be glad you're even getting paid you son of a bitch." He gripped the turian by the collar and pulled him forward, "Judging by how you run your business and treated my friend" He nodded at Tali, "I'm guessing there is a lot you don't want known. Do you see my beautiful companion there?" He pointed at Liara who glared daggers at the turian, "She has ways of gathering information and she is very good at it. Thank your creator I'm not asking her to go through all your records and confiscate your entire inventory as evidence."

"And I will." Liara promised, "I will find every single document you ever put your name on. Anyone you've so much as borrowed ten credits from, I will find them. Every gambling debt and expired rent payment. If you so much as cheated on a primary school arithmetic exam, I will find out and I will shut this place down."

"You can't do that!" The turian stammered. Liara and Kaiden fixed the turian with the exact same withering stare.

"Yes, I can." They said in unison. Their dead, monotone voices sent an unpleasant shiver up Tali's spine and for the briefest of moments she saw the Shadow Broker and a merciless Specter, not her longtime friends. The turian looked at the human and asari, trying in vain to prevent what they planned. When it looked like the storekeeper was set to argue again, Liara narrowed her eyes and her hand started to glow a faint blue. The turian gulped. Hard.

"I'll…uh…I'll just bag these up for you." He stammered and quickly stumbled away. Tali was shocked and amazed in equal measures. Part of her felt bad for the bosh'tet, but it was a very, _very_ small part of her. Liara and Kaiden stood as still as statues, burning a hole in the back of the turian's head with their blazing eyes. It took less than a minute for the turian to return with all the items boxed neatly. He rung up the entire purchase and Tali bit her lip to keep from laughing at how low it was. Kiaden handed the turian a sleek black credit chit, obviously his specter issued card. The turian completed the transaction with shaking talons and kept his eyes far from the faces of his patrons.

When they finished Liara took Tali's arm and led her from the store. Kaiden was the last out, but Liara cast the turian one more murderous glare before they were out of sight.

"I…thank you. For helping me." Tali said after a moment, "Although Shepard may have just convinced him without threats."

"The Reapers are more important than old grudges." Liara said, "We don't have time to play nice with bigots like him."

"Way I recall it, Shepard almost shot that krogan bartender who refused to serve you after that whole mess with Saren. You didn't mind then." Kaiden scratched at the stubble on his face and chuckled, "You know I think Wrex actually ended up breaking his jaw when the bar closed." The three chuckled for a moment before Tali noticed the soft smile Kaiden and Liara were sharing.

"So…what brings you two out here…together?" Tali asked, knowing it was a loaded question. Liara smiled and Tali was sure she was blushing a bit. The Asari reached out and took Kiaden's hand and gently stroked it with her thumb.

"Kaiden noticed I was going a little stir-crazy so he invited me out for a meal and some companionship." Liara looked at Tali, "I said yes."

"I'm glad you did." Kaiden added. Liara looked at him and smiled.

"Me too." She whispered and Tali could almost see the sparks flashing between their eyes. She smiled. Yes, there was definitely something between her two friends. She was very happy for them. After a moment it became clear the Asari and human were lost in each other's eyes, smiling at each other in a way that spoke of deep affection. Tali had to clear her throat, loudly, to break the two from one another.

"So…" She said at length, "You mentioned food Liara? I hope you haven't already eaten because I'm famished." A moment of hesitation crossed Liara's face but Kaiden smiled warmly.

"We were actually looking for a place when we saw you and decided to say hi." He nodded back towards the shop, "Looks like it was the right thing to do. We would love some extra company, right Liara?"

"R-right." Liara stammered and Tali suddenly realized her friend had wanted to be alone with Kaiden. The smile fell from her face and she rapidly tried to think of a way to get out of the lunch she had blindly invited herself to. She hadn't even thought twice; the original Normandy crew was as close as family. Any of them would have been gladly welcome to accompany her and Shepard to a meal. But it seemed Liara wanted some personal time with her Specter.

Just then Kaiden's omni-tool flashed to life and he sighed deeply as he read the message. Liara cast him a worried look and he laughed dejectedly.

"Looks like the Specter's office needs my attention for a few hours." Kaiden offered his friends apologetic smiles. "Rain check on lunch Liara?"

"Fine but don't be gone long." She teased lightly, "You dragged me all the way out here. The least you could do is buy me something with sugar in it before I go back to work."

"Deal." Kaiden said firmly and glanced at Tali, "You too Tali. We'll all go out when Shepard is back on his feet."

"I look forward to it." Tali said and Kaiden nodded once before turning and striding away. Tali noticed Liara's gaze was firmly on his backside until he was gone from sight. Tali cleared her throat, drawing the Asari back to the real world.

"Listen Liara, I'm…I'm sorry about that, back there." Tali said awkwardly, "I didn't realize you wanted to be alone with Kaiden."

"It's alright Tali. You probably saved me bumbling over myself." Liara laughed, "Truth is Kaiden and I like to keep a low profile. We always have."

"Always?" Tali picked up on her choice of words, "As in…you've done this before?"

"I never told you about what happened between Kaiden and myself, did I? About our history…" Liara looked out over the Presidium Lake and her eyes took on a glazed-over look of old fear and sadness.

"I wasn't aware you and Kaiden had a history at all." Tali said quietly, "I always assumed you and Shepard had had a fling…so to speak." Liara snorted slightly.

"No John and I were never together."

"But you have been with Kaiden before?" Tali asked curiously, "When?" Liara thought for a few moments before responding.

"It was after Shepard died on the original Normandy." Liara said softly, "After the funeral, I was distraught. I was numb. Lost. I wanted to die."

"Liara…"Tali began but trailed off, lost for words. They had all suffered horribly during those years.

"It's okay Tali. That was a long time ago. I…_we_ got through."Liara said and blushed slightly.

"We?" Tali asked and the realization dawned on her, "You and Kaiden?"

"We ran into each other one night purely by accident. He and I found ourselves at the same bar, drowning our sorrows in drinks. Well…I was doing much more drinking. Kaiden was gambling his entire bank account away." Liara said and smiled slightly, "Some nights I can still picture that dark, dank dive of a bar. The acrid smoke in the air; the broken sound system playing the same damn song all night…and Kaiden in an old leather jacket and red-rimmed eyes. It wasn't a pretty sight but somehow it always makes me smile."

"What happened?" Tali asked. She wasn't sure if she should be smirking at her friend or offering her sympathy. Kaiden was far from the ugliest man she knew and if her friend Kasumi was here she would no doubt be pressing the Asari for all the lewd details.

"We started to talk…about life…about Shepard." Liara said, "He bought me a drink. It was the first time any man had ever done so; it meant a lot to me." Liara laughed, but it was a sad, hollow thing, "This may sound silly but when he handed me that glass of whiskey, I didn't feel so alone."

"That doesn't sound silly at all." Tali said softly, "It sounds like you and he really connected that night."

"We did. By the time we left I was far too drunk to walk to a cab, much less see myself to bed. Kaiden offered to take me to the apartment the Alliance had set him up in." Liara snorted, "I still don't know if he planned all that out or not."

"Kaiden is not that type of man Liara, and we both know it." Tali said firmly. Liara looked at her for a moment and nodded.

"Yes, I suppose you're right." Liara looked back at the lake, lost in her memories again, "When we got to his place he offered his bed and said he would take the couch. I…I didn't want to sleep alone that night. I was too depressed…too afraid of being alone. I put my hand on his shoulder and I…well…" Liara smiled bashfully at her friend, "I guess you know what happened next."

"I can imagine." Tali said with a smile, "but was it just the one time?"

"No." Liara said, "Unofficially I moved in with him the next day. I couldn't bear to be alone in my hotel room anymore. We never talked about our relationship or a future. We lived day to day for months. He kept me alive…and I like to think I did the same with him."

"Months Liara?!" Tali nearly gasped.

"It was…" Liara paused to consider her words, "It was what we both needed. We talked all the time, about our lives and our fears. He confided in me secrets that I will never share, and I did the same. We cooked together; shopped together…We made love every night, just so we could feel alive before we slept. Merging my consciousness with his was the only way I could sleep. The only way I could feel safe." Liara sighed happily, "He introduced me to a genre of human cinematics; _Westerns_ he called them."

"John tried to get me to watch one of those once." Tali laughed slight and Liara gasped out a small giggle.

"They had a certain charm to them. No matter how dark things got, the hero always won in the end; at least in the ones Kaiden chose to show me." Liara looked down at her hands for a moment, "In turn I showed him Asari poetry and taught him to read it without his translator."

"Is that what he's always reading in the starboard lounge?" Tali asked curiously.

"Perhaps." Liara shrugged, "Something tells me he reads battle repots more often, but I like to think he still takes time to practice."

"What happened next?" Tali asked, "When did you two…" She trialed off.

"We just lived…because we had to. Because we had nothing else to do. After a while the pain seemed to go away and…" Liara looked down at the ground and sighed deep, "and I started to…I began to feel…" She shook her head fiercely, "I never intended to get attached Tali."

"Liara, Kaiden is a good man. Being with him for so long, I would be surprised if you _didn't_ start to feel something for him." Tali said with a smile, "right?"

"Right." Liara agreed, "But I didn't know how to approach the issue. It would have…complicated things. It may have even ruined our friendship forever. But then one day it was over. He received new orders and I had to set my sights on Illium. We both promised to keep in touch…but I didn't. I couldn't. I forced myself not to think of those hazel eyes of his or his smoky voice. For over a year I buried those memories and feelings. How he saved me." Liara looked at Tali with tears in her eyes.

"He _saved_ me Tali! And I just abandoned him like a garment that no longer fit." Tali reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Liara, it's okay." Tali said softly, "We all did what we had to those days. It was hell for all of us."

"When…when Kaiden nearly died on Mars…"

"Keelah…"

"I was so terrified, Tali." Liara confessed, "Terrified that he would die before I told him what he meant to me. Before I was able to see if he…if _we_ were worth continuing."

"I'm so sorry Liara."

"It's alright. I had a camera installed in his room, linking it directly to my office. And when Shepard told me Thane had offered to watch over him, I made sure he was well equipped. I wasn't about to lose my chance at happiness to some would-be Cerberus assassin."

"Is that why you and Kaiden were out here?" Tali asked, motioning to where the Specter had disappeared to, "A chance at happiness?"

"I owe him everything Tali. I…I don't think I would have been strong enough to survive without him reminding me I wasn't alone." Liara smiled, "after...after Thessia fell…he…well…"

"Take your time Liara." Tali said softly. She was well aware how upset those wounds were for the Asari. During the shuttle ride back to the Normandy, Liara had buried her face in Kaiden's armored form. Back then they all assumed it had been because he was the nearest warm body to her. Now Tali wasn't so sure.

"I couldn't sleep that night. I wasn't even going to try." Liara said after a moment, "Even after directing as many agents and ships that I own to Thessia to evacuate who they could, it wasn't enough. All I heard was the screams of those commandos and the sounds of Reapers destroying my home."

"What did you do?" Tali asked, "To sleep, I mean." Liara laughed slightly.

"I woke Kaiden up, on his little couch." Liara shook her head and smiled sadly, "It was almost three in the morning but I just…I just threw myself into his arms and cried. He didn't say anything. He just held me until I exhausted myself. Until I couldn't stay awake another moment. The poor man. I doubt he got more than two hours of sleep that night."

"Sounds like he cares a great deal about you." Tali said and gave Liara a playful push. The Asari blushed and shoved back, grinning from ear to ear.

"Maybe." She said, "He did carry me to my bed when I did finally fall asleep. When I woke up, I was safely tucked in with a nutrient bar on the side table. I also have an inkling he kissed me goodnight."

"John used to do that for me when I fell asleep in engineering." Tali said, "But then I realized I was missing being able to cuddle with him at night so I made sure to clock out after my shift ended."

"Maybe I should leave five minutes free at the end of the night." Liara grinned, "I always enjoyed being in his arms at night. "

"So…you and Kaiden…you're dating then?" Tali asked and this time she was grinning.

"Well…" Liara blushed, "I'm not _entirely_ sure he feels the same way. We haven't really spoken about it." Liara held up a hand before Tali could say anything, "I don't think he and I really will until the Reapers are defeated. Then and _only_ then do I plan on telling him my true feelings."

"Do you love him, Liara?" Tali asked softly. The Asari looked at her for a long moment.

"I…" She began and closed her mouth, "I think I do, Tali." At this she laughed as if suddenly coming to the realization herself, "I think I do love Kaiden."

"Then why not tell him that?" Tali urged, "I tell John I love him every morning. He matters too much to me for me to just hope he knows."

"It's not that Kaiden doesn't matter to me…it's just…" Liara trailed away for a moment, "I just don't want to get too distracted. And the war is not over. I don't know if he or I will live to see the end."

"Doesn't that make your time together all the more important?" Tali asked. Liara was silent for a long time. Tali could see the turmoil, the conflict in her friend's eyes.

"I…I suppose it does." Liara said after a moment. She turned to face her friend, "Thank you Tali. You've given me a measure of courage."

"What will you do now?"

Liara grinned, "I think I'll go visit Kaiden in the Specter's office." Tali's eyes widened.

"But those doors are bio-scanned shielded. How will you get in?"

"Over-ride codes." Liara said matter-of-factly, "The previous Shadow Broker had them. Now I do."

"Can I get those from you? I wouldn't mind surprising John someday." Liara smirked at her friend.

"I think I can arrange that." She said with a knowing smile. Tali smiled back but it was hidden behind her visor. After a moment Tali sighed deeply, pleasantly, and looked down at the bag in her hand.

"I have what I came for. And more, I guess." Tali said and Liara blushed, "I want to head back to the Normandy and get back to work on John's rifle. Kaiden said you wanted this pulse magnifier moded to your pistol?"

"I can do it myself, you have plenty of work."

"Actually I was going to tell Garrus to do it." Tali said playfully. Liara laughed and shook her head.

"Well if that's the case, I won't keep you." She said and nodded politely. The both laughed again. Tali made her way back to the Normandy and Liara went to find a certain Specter.


	5. Chapter 5

The planet was dead; a rotten husk drowning under ocean-wide hurricanes and torrential rain that lasted for centuries. For millennia. Desponia had always been a place of death, littered as it was with the churning mass of thousands upon thousands of starships. Here there was nothing but the echoes of civilizations and races long since exterminated in previous Reaper invasions. They were the forgotten soldiers of millennia past.

Yet even now the creatures that called this place sanctuary, creatures ancient beyond imaging, risked extermination. Something hid at the bottom of the ocean, deep under the mantle of the planet's crust. It called itself Leviathan and it had much to account for.

For as far as the eye could see, waves broke against unnatural islands of downed starships for countless races. It reminded Tali of the aftermath of a great space battle. The Quarian fleet had often been hired to scrap or salvage starships during the wars of the Citadel Races, so Tali was no stranger to blasted hulls and derelict crafts. But to see entire fleets' worth of ships buried in the ocean unnerved her. But there was excitement. This planet was a treasure trove of information and raw materials. Had the Quarians still been fleet locked, this world could have been a Pilgrimage gift worthy of a hero. But now that Rannoch was returned to them, this world could serve as a mining world for the materials needed to rebuild entire cities. Had the situation been different, Tali would have been giddy. But the bullets racing past her visor kept her head and her spirits down.

The Normandy had arrived in the Psi Tophet system not four hours ago for what was supposed to be the end of the Galaxy wide search for the Leviathan. Though none on the Normandy had thought the mission to the surface would be trivial, they had not been prepared for this. Their shuttle had been wracked with electromagnetic distortions and crashed landed on a Human cargo hauler, the _MSV Monarch _as EDI identified it. It was bad enough they had no confirmed way of the ocean world…then the Reapers arrived.

They had come in waves of fire and mutated flesh. Spore pods and hulking Harvester bio carriers littered the midnight black sky, silhouetted by the flashes of savage lightning that stuck like the fists of Keelah herself. Tali watched in amazement as a Harvester was struck from the sky by one such bolt and burst into flames as it plummeted into the roiling oceans depths. It was a ludicrous idea, but she couldn't shake the feeling that the planet itself was resisting the Reaper invasion.

Tali slapped in a fresh heatsink and raked the slide on her custom shotgun. At one point the weapon had been an M-11 Wraith, a gift from Shepard. But true to Quarian form, Tali had tinkered and modified the weapon so much it was barely recognizable. But it worked beautifully. Tali sighted quickly on two husks bearing down on her and squeezed the trigger. The first disappeared in a cloud of grey mist, utterly blown away. The high impact shot took the second husk in the leg, blowing it off at the hip and spinning the indoctrinated human wildly in the air. Tali stomped down on the creature's head, cracking its skull and bursting the shriveled brain matter and computer components across the rain slicked deck.

Red tracer fire began to chew up the ground around her and Tali swiftly pulled and tossed a smoke grenade from her belt. She spun behind a tarp-wrapped storage crate as a figure stalked through the smoke, firing blindly. The Cannibal trudged passed the crouching Quarian and Tali rose silent behind the mutated creature. It was bloated and swollen with Reaper technology and it gurgled in a disgusted way. Tali leveled her shotgun at its back and fired. A full half of the Cannibal was blasted apart and it tumbled to the deck, spilling its grey organs in looping trails.

A roar cut across the downed starship, momentarily drowning out the constant patter of rain. Cargo boxes and debris were tossed like ragdolls as something massive pushed its way from the Reaper lines. Tali switched on her Armor-piercing rounds and cued up her omni-tool. If Reaper forces had one weakness, it was that didn't function well when their CPUs were overloaded.

Another bolt of lightning struck not two meters from her position, forcing Tali to close her eyes and look away; she screamed in pain and tumbled to the deck. The heat was unbearable and it felt like her eyes had been splashed with fire. Her radio washed with a static discharge and for a few second her entire HUD blinked and washed as if in a hard-reboot. Her shields were down and she couldn't see through the white haze the lightning had flash burned into her retinas. Tali clawed at her visor and scrambled blindly on the ground; she had lost her treasured shotgun on the rain-slicked hull. Heart beats passed and the ringing in her skull refused to quiet down. The ground rumbled and shook as if something monstrous was charging directly at her. Tali kept blindly searching for her weapon or Keelah _any_ weapon, to defend herself. Not that she could do much go, blind as she was. Still if she was going to die on this Keelah forsaken world, then she would die on her feet with a weapon in her hands.

+TALI! + A voice screamed over the radio, +What are you doing? Get out of there! +

"Shepard!" Tali screamed back. His voice was like of a guardian angel and for a brief moment, she felt a measure of relief, "The lightning! I can't see! Keelah Shepard, I'm blind!"

+Garrus, EDI covering fire _now_! + Shepard snarled into the vox, +Kaiden on my six. + Tali heard affirmatives over the radio and the roar of fire intensified. An explosion rocked the hull near her and thick chunks of something began to pepper her suit. Tali told herself it was simply debris from the ship, nothing more. Her vision suddenly darkened and a blurring, hazy brute of a shadow fell over her. It was an amorphous black blob but Tali swore she could see two baleful blue eyes. It roared and Tali's blood went cold; a brute!

"Oh Keelah…" Tali whispered, her voice shaking with fear. Her hand reached out for the nearest object, any object that she would fight with. Her fingers touched something and she pulled it into her grip. It felt cold, heavy but with a bound handle of industrial rubber. Tali brought her makeshift weapon down in an arc, yelling wordlessly with the effort. She aimed for the Brute's eyes and struck with all her might. Something cracked and split and liquid splashed her visor. Tali's arm went numb from the impact and dropped uselessly to the hull. The Brute roared in what she hoped was pain but was probably anger. Tali closed her eye, useless as they were, and waited for death.

"Tali!" someone screamed over the constant _blink blink_ of rain on steel. Tali gasped and opened her eyes; the voice hadn't come from the radio, but from somewhere nearby. Blue light suddenly filled her vision, sparkling and sizzling like fire. She thought she saw to figures encased in liquid blue fire, but with her head ringing and her eyes nearly useless it could have easily just been one. Then she heard the distinct retort of two weapons; the calm, paced _snap snap_ of a pistol and the hard _ratatat_ of an assault rifle on full auto. The later made her breath catch in her throat. She would know that rifle anywhere; she had rebuilt it herself. That was Shepard's Revenant.

The Brute howled and hooted in what she knew was pain this time. More blue flashes dotted her vision and she heard Shepard grunting and straining with whatever he was doing. Then, as soon as the skirmish had started, it was over. The Brute's shadow swayed, and then crumbled with a dying groan. The ground shook with the impact and Tali gasped when she felt a hand on her shoulder suddenly.

"Tali, talk to me." Shepard said quickly, his concern obvious in her voice. Tali reached out and took his arm in hers and pulled herself closer to him. She followed his arm up to his shoulder then gripped the hard casing of his back for support. Shepard put a hand around her shoulder and held her tight.

"Shepard…Oh keelah Shepard." Tali whispered, trying and failing to fight back tears, "I can't see a thing."

"It's okay Tali; we're going to get you out of here." Shepard whispered, trying to calm her, "I'm getting you out of here and Chakwas is going to get you fixed up good as new. Kaiden, get Tali's shotgun and come help me."

"On it." Came the graveled response from the other human. A few second later she was aware of another figure kneeling by her. "Here, you dropped this." Kaiden pressed Tali's shotgun into her hands and she quickly deactivated it and attached it to the mag-grapples on her hip.

"Let's get her on her feet and back to the shuttle." Shepard commanded and slung one of Tali's arms over his shoulder. Kaiden helped with the other arm and Tali couldn't help but blush at how heroic and manly both Spectres were being right now. Tali didn't relinquish her grip on whatever she used to protect herself from the Brute; it was in her hand with a death grip. They traveled quickly, Tali's feet dangling just off the deck as the two humans drew themselves to their full height. Kaiden's pistol snapped off the calm, measured shots that he was known for. Then she heard the hard bark of Shepard's Talon pistol and all romanticized ideas fled from Tali's mind as she realized how close the Reaper forces were.

+Liara! + Kaiden yelled into the vox, +Barrier! +

Instantly Tali felt a wave of energy flow over her, like she had been submerged in pure Element Zero. A salvo of bullets suddenly began to pepper the ground under foot and she felt several impacts deflect off the energy surrounding her. The hard _bang_ of Garrus's beloved Widow Rifle responded to the Reaper forces. It was followed by the constant low _hiss_ of Liara and EDI's twin Hurricane sub-machine guns. Kaiden suddenly let go of her arm, spun on his heel and fired. Tali was left off balance for an instant before Shepard kneeled down, letting Tali gently slide to the wet deck, her back propped against cold steel.

"We're at the shuttle, Tali." Shepard confirmed for her. She nodded.

"Thank…thank you John." Tali whispered and she felt him squeeze her shoulder. It was a simply gesture, but with her bondmate nearby Tali felt irrationally calmer.

"EDI, I need a completely scan of Tali's biometrics. Hurry." Shepard ordered. Tali felt rather than heard EDI's perfectly balanced body move swiftly and efficiently to her side.

"I am by your side, Tali." EDI's synthesized voice was calm and despite the fact she was an AI, Tali felt better knowing she was near. "Please hold still of a moment."

A wave of green light replaced Tali's greyed vision and she blinked several times. It was oddly reassuring to see something other than limitless black or blindly white.

"The lightning strike bleached the retinal pigment in Tali'Zorah's eyes causing instant flash blindness." EDI said coolly and Tali felt Shepard's grip on her tighten. Tali reached out blindly and Shepard took her hand in his, "The effects are most likely temporary, but we will need a full medical scanner to know for sure. Either way Tali'Zorah's combat efficiency has dropped 95%. I recommend she be kept here by the shuttle and away from front-line engagements."

+That may be easier said than done. + Garrus's gravelly voice called out, +We got another wave of Reaper forces heading our way+

"Commander, I think I may have a way to get you to the ocean's floor." Lieutenant Cortez called from the inside of the shuttle.

"EDI, stay with Tali." Shepard ordered and stood.

"Shepard!" Tali called out, grasping blindly for him. He knelt again and rested her head in his hand. Tali sighed and tried to imagine the warmth of his skin on hers.

"I'll be right back Tali." He whispered, "The sooner I get you off the rock, the better." She felt something press against her voice light and imagined it was Shepard fingers; it was how they expressed kisses when she wore her helmet, "I love you."

"And I you." Tali whispered and grinned, "Don't keep a girl waiting too long." She heard her retreating footsteps over the rain and felt alone. Tali pressed her back firmly into whatever barricade Kaiden and Shepard had placed her behind. Garrus's rifle sounded again, startling Tali and her eyes darted to where the shot had come from. All she saw were hazing black shapes and another bright flash that could only have been more lightning. The _blink blink blink_ of rain on her faceplate without seeing it was unnerving. Another bolt of lightning struck somewhere nearby, startling the Quarian with its thunderbolt.

"EDI!" Tali called out. She sensed a figure kneeling by her.

"I am here Tali. Is everything alright?"

"I'm…" Tali struggled with the words, "I'm feeling very helpless right now. Can you just talk or something?"

"I understand your injury must be disconcerting." EDI responded calmly, "How may I easy the situation? Would you like me to describe the scene around you?"

"It's just more Reapers right?" Tali snorted. She wasn't sure what she wanted. Well okay that wasn't true. What she wanted was to cuddle with Shepard under his sheets until her eyesight returned. But that wasn't anywhere close to possible.

"…Correct." EDI responded and Tali was sure the AI felt awkward. EDI was brilliant and reliable as only an AI platform could be, but with her distinct lack of emotions, she was far from comforting. Another figure kneeled next to the injured Quarian and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Tali looked over but saw only more blankness.

"EDI, why don't you go take my place next to Kaiden." Liara's voice was much more sympathetic and she gave Tali a reassuring squeeze, "I'll stay here with Tali."

"Liara?" Tali whispered and took Liara's hand in hers.

"Of course Dr. T'Soni." EDI responded and Tali thought she heard a hint of relief in her voice.

"How are you feeling?" Liara asked kindly. More shots rang out and Tali felt a wash of static electricity dance over her suit as Liara unleashed a biotic attack.

"Like an invalid." Tali snapped with more anger than she meant. If there was one torture, one hell for Quarians, it was to feel helpless. Every member of the Flotilla pulled their weight, no questions asked. Laziness was not tolerated, but the sick and infirm were a sad burden on her people. No Quarian household or starship wanted the distinction of having cripples in their numbers. It raked at Tali's core to feel helpless and it stirred horrible memories of the last time she had felt this powerless. When she had watched the original Normandy explode and Shepard die she had railed against the confines of the escape pod. Now she wanted to scream and tear at her own body; at her eyes. She was trapped in a way her suit had never made her feel. It scared her. It infuriated her.

"This must be very frightening for you." Liara soothed, "but I fully believe your eyesight will return." Tali heard more shots rang out and her fingers tightened around her close combat…_thing_. She still wasn't sure what it was. But even as she began to trace the object's outline with her finger, a horrible thought occurred to her.

"What if it doesn't?" Tali suddenly felt extremely panicked, "Quarian visors tint to shield us from bright lights, but that lightning bolt was too quick. What if the damage is permanent? What if my eyes are damaged beyond repair?" Liara put a hand on Tali's shoulder to steady the shaking Quarian.

"Then we will get you news eyes, Tali." Liara said and this time she used the voice of the Shadow Broker. She was utterly confident and her words broke no argument, "Either robot with synapse implants or vat-grown using samples of your DNA. You _will_ see again, Tali. So please, remain calm. Your friends are here and we will let no harm come to you." Tali gulped hard but nodded. Neither option was appealing to her. Shepard always told her how beautiful her eyes were; pearls he called them. She would hate for Shepard to have to look at menacing, clicking red lensed robot eyes for the rest of their lives.

Before she could think further, the radio crackled to life.

+Okay team, listen up.+ Shepard paused for a moment and Tali heard mumbled whispered between him and Cortez on the shuttle, +The Lieutenant thinks I can take that old Triton mech to the ocean floor.+

"John, you can't be serious!" Tali responded instantly, "Even with whatever weapons may still be online, you would be alone down there."

+I have to agree with Tali on this one, Shepard+ Garrus replied, +We have no idea if this Leviathan is friendly, and I doubt even a mech has enough firepower to hurt it+

+The Reapers aren't here to stop us. They're here to destroy Leviathan.+ Shepard replied coolly, using that charming voice of his that nearly everyone agreed with, +That makes us allies of convenience almost by default.+

+It is likely the Leviathan will act to destroy the Reapers, if for no other reason than self-preservation+ EDI put in, +It may expedite matters if Commander Shepard were to make direct contact+

"I still don't like this." Tali grumbled. She heard Shepard chuckle over the radio and sighed pleasantly at the sound.

+If the Leviathan is keeping the shuttle grounded, then the soon we deal with it, the sooner I can get you to med bay. I'm going for it. + Shepard said and it was obvious from his tone that his mind was made up. In the privacy of their cabin, Tali and Shepard were always on equal footing in a disagreement, but on the field the ranks must be obeyed. Shepard was her captain and she would follow his orders to the letter; she would make him pay for it later in private.

+How are we going to get to that mech? + Kaiden asked, +I can see it from here but its behind blast shielding. Our grenades won't even scratch that and even together Liara and I would drain ourselves dry before biotics got through. +

"Bet you wouldn't mind that, eh Liara?" Tali whispered to her friend with a cheeky grin. She heard the Asari sputter before she playfully punched Tali in the arm.

"Don't make me draw on your faceplate with permanent ink." Liara teased back and Tali could hear the fierce blush in her friend's words.

+I can answer that, Major+ Cortez's voice crackled to life, +With the shuttle grounded; we can use its batteries to operate the blast doors. You're just going to have to charge them on the external ports along the hull+

+Kaiden, EDI, you'll be with me+ Shepard ordered, +Garrus, over-watch. Liara, stay with Tali. +

"Give me something to do." Tali demanded, "I won't sit here twiddling my feet while my friends are in danger!"

+Thumbs+

"What?"

+Thumbs, Tali. + EDI confirmed, +Some humans twiddle their thumbs when nervous or anxious+

+I could use Miss Zorah's help in the shuttle, Commander+ Cortez put in, trying to hide his amusement, +These batteries take some time to set up and I could use the extra set of hands+

+But-+ Shepard began but Tali interrupted him in a heartbeat.

"John if you say I can't set up a Keelah damn battery without my eyesight, you're sleeping on the couch for a month!" Tali snapped at him, "I am a Quarian. I could rewire EDI's entire subatomic mainframe with my eyes closed and a hand behind my back. I can do this."

There was a moment of silence over the radio. Tali could practically hear Garrus and Kaiden smirking.

+I never doubted you Tali. + Shepard said softly, +I just want to keep you safe. Okay, Liara help Tali to the shuttle then stay nearby to offer biotic support. +

Liara gripped Tali tightly at the hip and lifted her off the ground. Their heights were roughly the same so Tali was able to walk with the Asari.

"Like you could stand to see Shepard sleeping alone…" Liara whispered in her ear. Tali grinned and blushed.

"First poker rule Ashley ever taught me; if you're going to bluff, bluff big." Tali said and Liara chuckled. They walked carefully but swiftly and Tali could hear the sounds of gunfire intensifying. Tali looked around blindly, trying to pinpoint the source of the sound and failing. There was simply too much overlap between one shot's echo and another shot altogether.

"Tali." Shepard suddenly called from somewhere in front of her. She felt his strong hands take her into his arms and she instantly hugged him back. She no longer felt the soft taps of raindrops and realized she was inside the downed Normandy shuttle. Shepard ran a hand gently over her back and she rested her helmet against his armored chest. "It's going to be okay Tali. I promise."

"I believe you." Tali whispered back then pulled away slowly, "Now take me over to Cortez so I can get to work."

"That's my girl." Shepard said and guided her to the back of the shuttle. Tali heard loud clanging, like metal on metal, and muffled curses. There was another sound and Tali tilted her heard to get a better listen; it sounded like some charging up, but then dying down instantly.

"Tali, I'm glad you're here." Cortez suddenly called out, "I'm having trouble stabilizing this battery core." Tali knelt down and search along the floor for the device.

"Give it here and I'll see what I can do. You work on the others." Cortez pushed it closer to her and Tali ran her fingers along the cylindrical battery. She studied each and every crevice and node, making a complete mental map of what she was working with.

"Shepard, that battery over there is ready to be used." Cortez said and Tali heard her bondmate grunt with the effort of lifting it.

"Keep 'em coming you two." Shepard said and she knew he had slipped back into Commander Shepard now, "We'll be off this rock before you know it." Tali nodded wordlessly in his direction. Her mind was too engrossed with her work. Engineering was hard as it was but being blind meant every ounce of her concentration was needed. Just as Tali wouldn't let herself be known as the Quarian who let Commander Shepard die because the Geth overwrote her hacks, she wouldn't be the engineer who let her captain and bondmate down because of something as trivial as blindness.

"Lieutenant?" Tali called out, "What color is the status light on this unit?"

"Red. Flashing." Cortez replied briskly. Tali nodded have expected as much. She felt along the bottom of the battery for the mag-lock switch. She flipped it and heard the decompression of air. The battery's core housing had opened. Tali felt along the seam until she found the small release button and pressed. The battery died with an audible discharge of energy and Tali quickly pulled the core open fully. She felt along the inner lining blindly, checking the circuits and power couplings and comparing them in her mind to what she knew was a proper, working battery unit. Everything felt right. Tali grew frustrated; if she could see she would have found the problem instantly. Then her finger brushed over something chalking and it broke apart in her hand.

Tali grinned; she found it!

"Lieutenant, a housing couplet has blown. Without it the eezo core can't maintain its integrity." Tali said, glancing over blindly at where she heard the pilot fumbling around with another battery.

"Shit." Cortez said and Tali heard him stand and open one of the shuttle's spare parts containers, "I might have a replacement you can use."

An explosion suddenly rocked the shuttle and Tali heard Cortez stumble and swear under his breath. The sounds of gunfire intensified from outside followed by a string of micro-explosions, most likely from Liara's cherished Scorpion pistol.

+Kaiden! + The Asari screamed over the radio and every muscle in Tali's body went stiff. The radio crackled again and she heard heavy breathing broken by static.

+Huh-huh-hu_zzzzrrt…_Huh. + Tali heard Kaiden gulp hard, +I'm oka_zzzzrrrttt…_armor took th_zzzrrrt_ –unt of it. +

+Hold on, I'm on my way+ Liara said frantically and Tali heard a series of biotic explosions and gunshots over the radio

+Negativ_zzrrttt_. I'm…huh…I'm alright. + Kaiden responded slowly. More explosions rocked the shuttle and Tali cursed under her breath.

"No time, Lieutenant." Tali said and her hand fell to the tool belt of her suit, "I'll have to reroute through the micro-processor and cut the coolant line to compensate." Tali pulled a pair of worn energy pliers from her belt and set to work, "Hand me an aerolathe." Tali held out her hand and it took a moment for Cortez to find the rare tool.

Tali felt her way through the open battery with her pliers in hand. When she located the scorched section she pressed the activation stud on her tool and felt a current of incredibly short-wave electricity run through the pinching blades. Tali gripped and twisted the metal panel and thrust the lathe into the hole she created and began to file away at the circuitry.

"Cortez, tell me you have another battery ready to go." Shepard suddenly called out and Tali had to fight the urge to glance blindly in his direction.

"Here you go Commander." The pilot replied and Tali felt the shuttle shake as he hauled another charged battery.

"Tali?" Shepard called out but she shook her head.

"Not now John." She replied curtly, "Busy." A spark bit her finger and she cursed under her breath. Shepard didn't respond and she heard his footsteps receded into the distance. Tali twisted the aerolathe hard and felt something snap and grind. She almost shouted with joy and quickly pulled the lathe out and reached a finger in to dislodge the microchip she had broken.

+Shepard, Reaper Banshee in bound. + EDI suddenly called over the radio.

+I see it. Engaging+ Garrus replied. His Widow rifle rang out over the radio followed a second later by the sound echoing through the open shuttle door. More explosions and gunshots echoed in and Tali nearly jumped when she heard several rounds bounce off the shuttle's hull. Tali snapped the battery shut quickly and reactivated the locks. She felt along its top for the activation stud and pressed it. The battery began to hum and shake.

"Lieutenant, now what color?" Tali asked. A second passed and the pilot laughed.

"You're something else, Miss Zorah. Solid green." Cortez said and took the battery from her grasp. Tali let out a proud sigh and smiled behind her helmet.

+Commander, Miss Zorah just fixed the last battery. Get back here ASAP. +

+That's my girl. +

"It was nothing." Tali replied over the radio with a proud grin, "Who needs eyesight? I'm a Quarian!" Within a few heartbeats she heard the heavy pounding of footsteps and the gunfire momentarily eased.

"Here Commander." Cortez said and Tali tilted her head towards the shuttle hatch.

"Great work, both of you." Her bondmate said breathlessly and Tali tried hard not to fantasize about wanting to be the cause of his breathlessness. In an instant he was gone and Tali heard the sounds of the battle intensify.

Her hands coiled and flexed as she fought the urge to ready her shotgun and stumble blindly into the firefight. She wanted to be with her bondmate, fighting by his side. But as EDI had put it, she was useless in a fight right now and getting herself shot up by Reapers wouldn't help anyone.

+Shepard, the blast doors are opening. I recommend you activate the mech as soon as possible; Reapers strength in intensifying+ EDI said, her voice crystal clear as if she spoke directly into Tali's ear.

+I see it. Garrus, Liara cover me. Kaiden, see if you can't thin out their numbers. EDI, return to the shuttle and give the others covering fire when I get this thing powered up.+

+Acknowledged+

+On it+

+On my way, Shepard+

The calls rang in, one after the other and Tali felt a pang of jealousy that she was left out. She felt a series of shockwaves and explosions before she heard the echoes and she grimaced. A few tense seconds of complete silence descended on the battle outside and Tali strained to hear anything. A heave thump suddenly rocked the shuttle and Tali heard the heavy roar of an autocannon firing. The shuttle shook again as another explosion rocked the deck and then nothing. No return fire, no garbled shouts from throats clogged with Reaper tech. only the steady _thump thump thump_ of something heavy approaching.

+Cortez, Triton mech is online.+ Shepard's voice was much clearer over the radio. Obviously he was using the mech's superior communication systems. Tali was relieved beyond words at the sound of his voice.

"I'm going to head outside and check to see if the mech is in serviceable condition Miss Zorah." Cortez said softly and Tali nodded.

"Alright." She said and rested her head against the wall. She let out a breath and closed her eyes, useless gesture that it was. She felt a little bit calmer not seeing with her eyes closed rather than face her blindness constantly. Furious muffled whispers suddenly drew her attention back to the shuttle's confines and two sets of footsteps drawing closer.

"I'm telling you, I'm fine Liara." Kaiden groaned but she was aware of the pained expression in his voice. True to form Liara clicked her tongue and Tali could imagine the glare she was giving the human.

"You're not Kaiden. Now hold still and let me clean that up." Liara chided gently.

"Are you alright Kaiden?" Tali called out.

"Yes."

"No." Liara replied quickly, "This idiot of mine took a direct hit from a banshee's warp attack. He's lucky it didn't liquefy him."

"It was a battle." Kaiden tried to argue weakly.

"It was foolish." Liara retorted. Kaiden grunted and cursed under his breath and Tali could well imagine Liara wasn't being too gentle with her field dressings to teach the Spectre a lesson. The two whispered furiously for a few seconds and Tali decided to tone the conversation out. She tried waving her hand in front of her visor and groaned when all she saw was limitless black.

+Mech checks out.+ Shepard reported over the vox, +I'm going to take it down.+

"Shepard…" Tali whispered in reply and took a shaking breath, "Just..."

+I'll be fine.+ Shepard said and she could see the soft smile in his words. Tali rested her head against the shuttle again. The ground shook briefly as Shepard maneuvered the mech into position.

+Commencing dive in 3…2…1.+ A moment of silence passed then a tremendous splash as he drove the Triton over the deck and into the water. Tali let out a shuddering breath and closed her eyes to get a few moments of rest.

0000000

He was suffocating.

Choking.

Drowning in darkness.

Every breath threatened to be the last one. His limbs were numb and if such a thing were possible he would swear his blood was frozen. His throbbed with an intense migraine like liquid nitrogen had been injected directly into his brain stem. When the voice came again, it was an insidious whisper not in his ears but in his soul

_Once there had been a glittering empire of matchless splendor. A place of learning, of hope, civilization and secular harmony_.

The shadow figure of Ann Bryson knelt next to Shepard as he staggering and gasped for breath. She put a hand to his shoulder and the pressure in his chest went away instantly. When she spoke again, she spoke with voice of an ageless being.

_The pinnacle of all Galactic endeavors, just one step away from the final eminence dreamed of by us, the Creators. Within the bounds of this collective, all were equal for all gave praise to us. _

Shepard wiped his hand over his face and grimaced as the blood swirling in the ocean water. His eyes were bleeding for the enormous pressure. The voice of the Leviathan was awesome and terrible to hear, like the sound of every musical instrument in the Galaxy sounding at once. The Leviathan figure changed again, this time becoming Dr. Bryson's dead assistant.

_Order reigned and species flourished across millions of worlds. We granted untold blessings to those that pleased us and destruction to the few that resisted. It was…good. _

The Leviathan shadow looked down at the shimmering mirror floor and something like sadness danced across its features.

_But we could not protect them for themselves. Soon, species built machines that in turn destroyed them. Entire races were obliterated and we had to reseed the Galaxy with life over and over again. _

Ann Bryson pulled Shepard to his feet and fixed him with its depthless eyes.

_To solve this problem, we created an intelligence with the mandate to preserve life at all costs. It studied the rise and fall of civilizations until it found a solution. In that moment…it betrayed us. _

Leviathan grimaced and anger sparked in its face.

_It chose us for the first Harvest. From my kind it created the first Reaper, the one you know as Harbinger. _

"You were fools!" Shepard spat at the thing that was not Ann Bryson, "You saw what other AI did to other species so you built the biggest, strongest AI ever in the hopes of getting a different result?!"

_You do not understand. You cannot conceive of a Galaxy that bends to your will. The intelligence was to simply be another tool. _

Shepard lunged forward and gripped the shadow by its shirt, his anger boiling over.

"And now we're all paying for that mistake!" He growled in its face, "How many cycles have been destroyed because of your hubris? How many of my…of my _friends_ are dead because of your kind?"

_There was no mistake. It still serves its purpose. _

If Shepard still had a gun in this shadow realm he would have shot the Ann Bryson echo then and there. The arrogance of this Leviathan was staggering. Could it not see the parallel between its failed AI experiments and that of other species? Could something so awe-inspiring be so blind?

"What about the Crucible? What purpose does that serve?" Shepard asked, eyeing the thing coldly. Something approaching doubt or hesitation crossed its eyes.

_We have watched its construction countless times in other cycles. It has never been completed. Those that tried still fell victim to the Harvest. Its outcome is…unknown. _

Shepard wanted to scream in frustration. To tear at his hair and beat this Leviathan shadow into mush.

"I've heard enough." He growled in frustration, "I need your help to stop the Reapers."

_I have searched your mind. You are an…anomaly. But that is not enough. _

The thing that was not Ann Bryson turned from him and began to walk away. Shepard felt his anger boil over; he hadn't come this far just to fail. The Galaxy deserved better than that. Tali deserved better. Just the thought of his bondmate sent a chill down Shepard's spine. He had to fight for her, for the future she deserved.

"Wait!" Shepard yelled and gripped the Leviathan by its shoulder, "You know this cycle is different. You know we have a chance."

_There is no hope. The cycle will continue. We will survive. You will remain here as a servant to our needs. The rest will be Harvested. _

Shepard's fists coiled into talons and he almost growled at the thing. No bastard Reaper machine would Harvest _her_!

"You say you will survive, but we both know that's not true." Shepard grinned evilly, eyeing the thing with cold intent, "The Reapers already know where you are. They will not stop-Ever. Release me and we have a chance to end the cycles once and for all. Or keep me here and be harvested yourself. Make no mistake, if my cycle dies, you die with it."

The thing that was not Ann Bryson turned from him and in a blink it was gone. Shepard glanced around frantically, fearing the Leviathan had trapped him in this mirror realm. In an instant the Leviathan was back.

_Your confidence is…singular. _

"I've earned it." Shepard growled, "Fighting for the ones I love. Doing what you should be."

_Your victories are more than a product of chance. It is clear why the Reapers perceive you as a threat. _

The thing changed forms again, this time mimicking Dr. Bryson himself. The Leviathan looked at him with the old man's critical but kind eyes.

_We will fight. But not for you or the lesser species. We are the apex. We must survive. _

It turned to face him and when it spoke, it spoke with the voices of a dozen Leviathans.

_The Reapers were created to serve us. To be our slaves. It is time they were so again. Today they pay their tribute in blood. _

Shepard gasped awake, looking around at the cramped confines of the Triton mech again. Every light that could be flashing red was. His body was shivering and blood oozed from his ears, eyes, nose and mouth. Shepard gulped and spat but the coppery taste remained. Something vast began to move at the edge of the mech's search lights but he ignored it. The pain in chest was crushing and he felt the scars of the Phantom's blade tighten in his chest, as if they were trying to pull themselves open. The power meter had barely enough left to make it to the surface.

Shepard keyed in the command with his numb hands. The Triton shook violently with the take-off and Shepard collapsed against the console as darkness took him

0000000

"Fall back!" Garrus shouted as an explosion tore away the bulkhead he had been using for cover. He stumbled to the deck but EDI was at his side and lifted him over her shoulder. She knelt and picked up his fallen Argus rifle and fired controlled bursts one-handed, her body easily compensating for the weapon's massive recoil.

"Liara!" Kaiden yelled from behind a piece of metal debris.

"Yeah!" the Asari snapped a fresh heatsink into her pistol and fired a kill-shot into a cannibal's swollen face.

"Ready?"

"Yeah!"

"One…two…three!" the two rose from cover as one, each encased in liquid blue energy, each facing the Reaper onslaught with grim determination. Liara held out one hand, her fingers curled into fists. Kaiden thrust both hands before him, palms flat and fingers splayed. Incandescent energy surged between them, swirling and dancing around each other. A wave of energy exploded from them, smashing into the Reaper forces with all the destructive force of a supernova. The two were left gasping, smoke rising and coiling around them. The combined might of their biotic wave smashed into the Reaper forces, sending marauders flying and brutes tumbling to the ground. The banshees and ravagers collapsed on themselves, eldritch sparks dancing across their skin and burning them from the inside out. Still others, the cannibals and husks, simply ceased to exist, their bodies unable to resist the tidal wave of energy.

"Let's go." Liara was the first to say something and took Kaiden's hand to lead him breathlessly over to the shuttle.

Tali felt the enormous impact of her friends' biotics and her grip on her pistol tightened. She was crouched behind a fallen piece of metal siding and she fired blindly in the direction of the Reapers. She had no way of knowing if her shots hit anything, but it was principle of the matter. She would not be the only to die without fighting if this was their end. Shepard had been gone for over an hour and she felt her heart sink. It wasn't supposed to end like this. They were supposed to life happily for years, with a house and children. To die blind, not knowing what had happened to her bondmate made her want to scream. Tali ripped a grenade from her webbing, primed it and tossed it towards the gurgling sounds of the Reaper forces. It exploded on impact and she was rewarded with a few strangled cries of pain; Tali grinned behind her mask.

"Look!" Cortez suddenly shouted. Tali turned to face his voice but saw only blackness.

"What?"

"It's the Triton!" Cortez said, "Its Shepard!"

Tali felt a thrill run through her veins and she fired more blind shots at the Reapers. The ground shook briefly as the mech smashed into the deck.

"Shepard!" Tali screamed into her radio. She was answered with a wash of static.

+Maker's breath, Shepard is down!+ Garrus growled over the radio. Just then the sound of anti-grav thrusters burst to life and Tali felt a wave of warmed air roll over her.

"The shuttle!" Cortez called out, "Its back online!" Tali heard one last burst of the pilot's rifle before he retreated to the cockpit.

"Someone get Shepard!" Tali yelled, "We're leaving!" a hand suddenly gripped Tali and hauled her to her feet. She gasped at the sudden action and almost stumbled on the rain sleeked deck.

"Come on Tali, let's go!" Liara gasped next to her. The Asari's voice was strained and sounded weak.

"Shepard!" Tali turned around blindly, glancing in every direction, unable to determine where her bondmate was.

"Kaiden and Garrus are getting him." Liara put both hands on the Quarian's shoulders and practically dragged her to the shuttle. Tali sat down in her seat and her grip on the pistol tightened. Seconds passed agonizingly slow and she heard more explosions outside the shuttle. Liara's pistol fired again and she heard rapid footsteps approaching.

"We are on board. Lift off." EDI yelled with urgency. Tali stood quickly as the shuttle rocketed to the sky. She heard heavy figures collapse to the ground and her blood went cold.

"Shepard!" She fell to her knees and felt around blindly until she found his collapsed body. Tali frantically felt along his armored form to his helmet. "Shepard, talk to me!"

She struggled briefly with the clasps on his neck and ripped his helmet off with a scream of anger. "Shepard!" Tali took his head in her hands and felt tears gathering in her eyes at the chill she felt through the suit.

"He's freezing!" Tali screamed frantically, looking around, hoping someone was nearby. Her fingers were slick against his skin and she told herself it wasn't his blood. "Someone get me a thermal blanket! Now!"

Shepard gasped suddenly and began to cough furiously. Tali tilted him to his side and she felt her heart break as he wretched and coughed onto the shuttle's floor. He tried to stand, maybe in a moment of panic not recognizing where he was. Tali gripped his shoulders with all her might, forcing her bondmate back to the floor.

"Shepard!" Tali yelled, half in relief and half to get to his panicked mind. She felt him calm slightly and a shaking hand touched her visor. Tali instantly put her hand to his and reached out with her other to touch his freezing cheeks.

"Tali?" Her name was like a ghost on his lips but it warmed her to her core. Tali pulled him into a fierce hug.

"Keelah Shepard, don't do that to me."

0000000

"Okay, hold still for a second." Dr. Chakwas said softly. Her voice was muffled behind a rebreather mask so as not to infect Tali's weakened immune system. The young Quarian squirmed a little and took a deep, unfiltered breath. Her visor rested in her lap and her fingers traced across its smooth glass surface.

Two sharp needles suddenly pierced the skin next to her eyes and she grimaced against the pain. Then a cooling sensation began to flow through her face and she let out a sigh. The sensation quickly changed to one of warmth, like all the blood in her head began to rush at once.

Light!

Light began to bleed through the darkness and Tali blinked several times to make sure it wasn't a figment of her imagination. The light stayed and began to swim and form into vague shapes. She saw a tanned face come into view.

"How's that?" Chakwas asked. Tali leapt to her feet and wrapped her arms around the doctor.

"Keelah, I can see!" Tali said and wept slightly. Chakwas patted her back several times before pulling back and holding a small light to Tali's face.

"Follow this with your eyes." She said and moved it back and forth. Tali grinned like a small child as she did, excited beyond words. "Perfect."

"My heads hurts some." Tali said and put a hand to her forehead.

"That's to be expected." Chakwas said as she walked away and rummaged through one of the cabinets, "Your vision will be blurry and wet for a few days and you'll probably have a low level headache for a little longer."

"Keelah, at this point I don't care!" Tali beamed, "I don't have to have my eyes replaced. I can deal with a headache."

"Take these, just to be safe." Chakwas held out a small container of pills for Tali and she pocketed the medicine. "Now go get some sleep. Your eyes will take some time to fully repair themselves and it might make you dizzy. Best to be lying down."

Tali looked down at her mask and replaced it with a hiss of compressing air. She nodded at the doctor and the blurry figure reached for the rebreather she wore and took it off.

"And for the record my dear, you're absolutely beautiful." Chakwas said with a smile and Tali wrung her hands together and nodded several times.

"Th…thank you." Tali said slowly, "Only Shepard has ever seen my face. I was worried…"

"You shouldn't have been." Chakwas said kindly, "Trust me; by any species standard, you are a beauty." Tali blushed under her mask and quickly made her exit. The hallways of the Normandy were fuzzy and blurry but Tali felt giddy on her feet. She staggered like a happy drunk to the elevator and pressed the button for Shepard's cabin.

She could see! Granted it was blurry and wet but it was infinitely better than the limitless darkness. Just the thought of the mission to Desponia was enough to make her grimace. Tali looked down at her fingers and say dried red smears on them. She felt hot tears in her eye. Shepard had been bleeding; she had her bondmate's blood on her suit. That was becoming way too common of an occurrence. By the time the elevator reached the top floor, Tali was shaking with equal parts anger and fear.

She stepped out into the cabin and her eyes were drawn to the man standing by the armor locker.

"Tali!" Shepard said and she twitched at how sore and strained his voice was. "I was just on my way to see you." He set the last segment of his armor in the locker and walked over to her, arms wide to embrace her. Tali slapped his hands away and side-stepped him swiftly.

"Tali?" He asked, eyeing her with an expression both curious and hurt.

"I'm angry with you!" She tried to put as much anger in her voice but it came out more like fear and sadness.

"Why?" Shepard asked, tilting his head curiously. This actually did make Tali angry.

"Twice Shepard!" Tali said and folded her arms over her chest, "Twice in one month I thought you would die in my arms!"

"Look Tali, I'm sorry but the war-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Tali snapped back. Her body had begun to shake, but whether from anger or the tears rolling down her face she couldn't tell, "I have my bondmate's blood on my suit!"

"What would you like me to do, huh?" Shepard asked and looked at the ground sadly, "I have a war to fight. Sometimes things get messy. You know that's never the path I choose."

"I'm…" Tali struggled briefly, knowing he was right, "I'm still angry. So…so I'm putting you in the canine's house."

"The…the what?"

"S…Samantha and Gabby…I was talking to Samantha and Gabby yesterday and they said when a woman is angry, she puts her lover in the canine's house and that you have to be nice to me."

"What?!" Shepard exclaimed and his lips began to arch in a smile. Tali scowled behind her visor. She was shaking with anger…or sadness…_keelah_ it didn't matter. She was shaking with emotions and he was grinning.

"I'm…I'm your girlfriend…and-and lover!" Tali said in hesitant, broken words, "and…and you have to be nice to me. Because I'm your girlfriend and I'm angry and I put you in the canine's house!" Shepard took deliberate, heavy steps towards her. His smile was soft and his eyes warm. He placed one hand on her hip and the other at her visor. Tali wanted to melt instantly into his embrace but stood her ground. "You have to be nice…they said…canine's house…they said…" She whispered meekly and Shepard smiled.

"It's called the dog house, Tali." Shepard said and Tali looked at the floor in shame. Shepard put a finger to her chin and tilted her visor back up to face him, "Did Specialist Traynor or Engineer Daniels tell you how boyfriends get out of the dog house?"

"They…they just said you had to be nice." Tali said breathlessly. That look in Shepard's eyes was making her blood rush.

"Did they happen to tell you how?" He asked. She was sure he was fishing for a specific answer but she had no idea what.

"N-no." She replied, "They just said you had to be nice…and…and then they both smiled."

"Hmm…I bet." Shepard breathed and reached up to her mask. Tali's hands shot up to stop him but then relented instantly. It was a reflex that she was working on getting rid of. Shepard unclipped her mask with a hiss of decompressed air and smiled lovingly at her.

"Let me show you." He whispered and kissed her softly. Tali closed her still blurry eyes and melted into his embrace. Shepard planted soft kisses along her jawline and her ear. Tali moaned in pleasure and gasped when Shepard began to kiss down her neck.

"Keelah…" She breathed. His lips were like fire on her skin and it made every inch of her cry out for him. Shepard reached for the seals of her upper suit and began to work them masterfully. The suit began to come apart in segments and he kissed down her neck and along her shoulder. Shepard bit the skin of her shoulder and Tali gasped. He pushed her down onto the bed as he continued.

"Oh…Oh _keelah_!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey." Kaiden said casually. Shepard glanced up from his drink and gave his old friend a small smile.

"Hey Kaiden." Shepard motioned to the empty seats in the Normandy lounge. "Drinks on the house." Kaiden chuckled and opened the small refrigerator under the Normandy's bar. He took a few moments fingering through the chilled bottles there. Two of the three shelves were for the levo-DNA crew. The last shelf was specifically for Garrus, Tali and any other dextro-DNA guests they might have. Kaiden had heard rumors, mostly from Joker, that Tali was a bit of a wild-cat when she had a few drinks in her. Kaiden pulled a simple beer from the shelf and found a spot in one of the empty chairs.

"Drinking really the best use of our time, Shepard?" Kaiden teased and popped the top with a quick biotic bubble, "I mean we're the first human Spectres. Shouldn't we be setting a positive example for the younger ones?"

"Way I see it, we are setting a very positive example; relax while you can." Shepard raised his glass and Kaiden did the same. Kaiden groaned and rolled his shoulders. Shepard chuckled and closed his eyes. He sipped from his drink and let the bitter flavor burn down his mouth. A few moments of companionable silence followed until Kaiden spoke up.

"You're looking deep in thought there." He said with a grin, "I thought I was supposed to be the one who broods."

"Not thinking." Shepard said without opening his eyes, "Just letting my Cerberus mind-control chips reprogram my morality and ethic codes."

"Touché." Kaiden said and Shepard opened one eye as he chuckled. Kaiden set his beer bottle down and rested his hands in front of his head, "Listen Shepard about those…remarks I made."

"Forget it Kaiden." Shepard said lightly, "The reason I value you is precisely _because_ you don't trust quickly. You keep people on their toes; keep people honest. What did you say back on the old Normandy? Cutting corners?"

"Yeah…" Kaiden snorted and sipped from his beer, "Yeah I guess I did say something like that."

"Those were the days, huh?" Shepard let a sad, nostalgic smile cross his face, "Remember when life was so simple? I mean Sovereign was just one Reaper. One! Can you imagine?"

"It does seem like a walk in the park now, doesn't it?" Kaiden said and nodded towards him, "Heard you destroyed one on Rannoch for Tali. And I saw the vid some Krogan scout made of what happened on Tchunkka."

"It wasn't me, it was the Quarian fleet." Shepard said defensively.

"Not the way I heard it." Kaiden said and finished his beer, "Way Tali tells it you stared down an entire Reaper with just a targeting laser. Also, she's never been as worried about you in her life as she was that day."

"She tell you that?"

"Made it a central part of the story." Kaiden teased, "She kept calling you…oh what was it? A crazy, dumb, reckless bosh'tet. Something along those lines."

"That sounds like my Tali." Shepard said. He could just imagine his Quarian fiancé ranting at anyone who would listen about his reckless actions and dangerous missions. It was one of the things he loved about her. She hated when he risked his life, but she was always willing to risk her life right next to him. A cold pit suddenly formed in Shepard stomach at the thought of Tali being hurt, or worse, dying. His grip on his glass tightening and small pressure cracks began to form along the crystalline surface. Kaiden took notice.

"Something on your mind, Commander?" He asked, "Or is this some sort Krogan test of character Wrex wants to put you through before he names his kids?"

"Just thinking about what I have to lose." Shepard said softly. He looked up and gave Kaiden a soft smile. He was Shepard's longest lasting friend. The man was a complete bastard sometimes, but there was only one person-well Quarian- he trusted more with his life.

"It's a sobering thought, isn't it…" Kaiden trailed off and his eyes took on a glassy look, "Thinking about what the Galaxy can take from us." His face twisted into a scowl of anger. His voice dropped several octaves, "And what we would do to the son of a bitch who hurt them."

"Your father?" Shepard asked delicately. He was aware that the outlook for his friend's father was bleak. Kaiden blinked a few times.

"No." He stammered, "Well, at least not this time."

"Ahhhh…." Shepard said with a knowing grin, "The bookish Liara."

"Wh-what?" Kaiden stammered out. His face grew several shades redder, "I didn't…I mean, yes, Liara is a good friend and I'd hate for anything to happen to her but…"

"But nothing, Alenko." Shepard said firmly, "I've seen the way you look at her; the stolen glances and small smiles."

"I…you saw that?"

"Truth be told, it wasn't until you two started sitting next to each other that I noticed something. Kinda' a big message to just up and move next to someone permanently in the mess."

"You sure it's not just admiring the scenery?" Kaiden offered weakly, "I mean a guy has a right to look."

"When have you ever played anything half assed?" Shepard countered. Kaiden stood and got himself another drink. Shepard motioned to the bar and Kaiden used his biotics to float over the bottle of whiskey on the counter.

"Liara…is…" He sighed with a dreamy smile, "Liara is amazing. Everything about her is perfect. Just…just perfect."

"Feels like I'm out of the loop." Shepard poured himself a generous glass, "Last time you and I talked about her, you were convinced she had eyes for me and she wasn't really your type."

"Things change…" Kaiden said softly. Shepard fixed him with a stare. There was _way_ too much emotion in that for him to let it slip.

"What changed?" He asked. Kaiden looked up and there was an old fear in his eyes.

"You died, Shepard." Kaiden whispered and a pit of ice formed in both their stomachs at the memories, "You died and everyone was left broken. Some of us…well, we were worse off than others."

"You and Liara?" He breathed. Few of his friends ever spoke to him about those two years, except to tell him it was awful.

"Tali had it the worst I imagine. She returned to the fleet the day after your funeral." Kaiden sipped from his drink, lost in his memories, "I think she saw too many memories talking with the rest of us."

"I can't imagine." Shepard whispered. His gut clenched. Part of him just wanted to abandon his conversation with his best friend just to go be with his love. But as far as he knew Tali still had several hours of work left to do. He would see her later. Besides, the assault on the Cerberus HQ would be launched tomorrow morning; this may be his last time to talk with Kaiden as equals. As friends.

"Liara and I…we…" Kaiden thought for a moment, "I guess you can say we were two ships passing in the night."

"How poetic." Shepard said with a dry grin. Kaiden chuckled.

"Yeah, I'm a big softie." He said then frowned, "It was supposed to just be sex. Just to stay alive…but it become…more…"

"More?" Shepard prompted.

"At least for me." Kaiden whispered and fixed his friend with a meaningful stare, "I fell in love Shepard. Hard. She became everything to me."

"That sounds wonderful, Kaiden." Shepard said honestly, "But then why do you still sleep in the lounge? Liara has a huge bed."

"I said for me." Kaiden responded a little too harshly, "When Liara left for Illium, she never contacted me again. I guess her life went on and mine just sorta…stopped. I knew what it was, that our relationship was just a means to an end, but part of me-" Kaiden smiled, but there was no humor in it, "most of me, wanted her to stay. To just say to hell with it and elope somewhere."

"Elope?" Shepard repeated, amused.

"Somewhere cool. With a lake or maybe an ocean costal town." Kaiden smiled at the dream, "Somewhere where she and I could just live our lives."

"Why not go for it?" Shepard asked and Kaiden laughed at his absurdity until he realized he was serious.

"You're…you're not joking, are you?" Kaiden asked hesitantly.

"The Reapers won't be around forever and I can't imagine you want to be a Spectre for the rest of your life." Shepard shrugged, "Gotta' start living for yourself someday."

"Look Shepard, I'd like to, really…but…" Kaiden struggled with his words, "Liara is asari. She's going to live for hundreds, maybe even thousands, of years. I'm just some guy."

"If Liara loves you, what's it matter?" Shepard asked. A crestfallen look came over Kaiden and Shepard placed his glass on the table. "You haven't told her, have you?"

"Not…well…" Kaiden paused, "No. I haven't."

"What's the hold up?" Shepard asked with a curious smile, "You love her. That should be enough."

"I know I know." Kaiden sighed and shook his head several times, "I just…I dunno know. I know I won't live as long as her and I'd be selfish of me to expect her to not have other partners but…"

"You don't want to think she's just sticking around until you die or someone better comes along?" Shepard concluded for him. The look in Kaiden's eyes said he had nailed it.

"Exactly." Kaiden said softly, "I want her to be with me because she wants to be, not because she feels like she has to or something."

"Liara isn't the type of woman to do things she doesn't want to." Shepard said matter-of-factly, "She's been friendly since you came back aboard, right?"

"Completely." Kaiden said then a curious thought crossed his mind, "She did visit me in the hospital."

"How many times?"

"I dunno. A lot." Kaiden said and rubbed his growing stubble, "And she would vid-call or message me all the time."

"And you think she doesn't have a thing for you?" Shepard laughed, "Come on Kaiden, you're smarter than this."

"I get it." Kaiden whispered and finished off his second beer, "I guess I'm just nervous. I don't…I don't want to be rejected."

"It's the risk we run." Shepard said with a grin, "I was terrified I had completely misinterpreted Tali's behavior. I mean Quarians are all about subtle signals and body language. What if I had missed something and she just thought of me as a friend?"

"But it all worked out in the end, eh?" Kaiden said as he started his third beer. Shepard sipped the rest of his glass, his eyes staring out into the emptiness of space.

"Not yet." Shepard said darkly. Kaiden fixed him with a steady glare. Shepard's mood darkened. "I promised Tali I'd marry her and build her a home on Rannoch."

"I get to be best man?"

"Sorry, Joker already called it." Shepard teased then frowned, "Kaiden tomorrow things are going to get messy. Very, very messy."

"I know." Kaiden whispered.

"If I don't…if things go wrong…" Shepard's look made it clear what he was talking about, "You'll take care of Tali won't you? Keep her safe? Keep her alive?"

"To my last breath." Kaiden raised his beer and Shepard clinked his glass against it. Shepard nodded, satisfied. He rested his head against the chair and let Kaiden go on talking about his hopes and dreams for Liara. Shepard was happy for him. Men who had something to fight for fought better. He knew he did. He had Tali to fight for.

That would be enough.

0000000

Tali glanced at the chrono reader on her HUB. _22:42_. She sighed and rolled her neck. It popped in a satisfying but angry way. Her body was sore and stiff from a double shift in front of a neon yellow engineering console. The Normandy had more engineers now than it ever had with Tali, Ken, Gabby, Chief Engineer Adams and an entire compliment of welders and maintenance crew. There was precious little work to actually do save regulating the core temperature or power feeds to the various Normandy systems. But EDI handled most of those with minute changes made at the microsecond level.

Truth be told there was nothing for Tali to do, and she suddenly felt like she was back on the original Normandy. Her time with Shepard hunting Saren had been life changing in many ways, but the one thing that remained constant was that there was little to do with a full Alliance crew. The mission to stop the Collector base had been better, in its own twisted way. She had been chief engineer then with all the responsibilities and endless tedious work to go with it. Now Engineer Adams was back, and Engineers Daniels and Donnelly were more than capable of handling the more nit-picky work. That left Tali, a Quarian with a desperate need for a distraction, without anything to do.

It had all started not two hours ago when she had received a fleet wide message from Adimiral Hacket that the galactic fleet would be assembled soon. Tali knew what that meant. Every soul aboard every ship knew what that meant. The end game was near. If she was a pessimist, she would say her life was measured in hours; days at the most. Tali tried to remain positive, telling herself that she was only a few hours away from truly starting her life with Shepard free of the Reaper taint. The idea sent a shiver of excitement down her spine. In her more…_imaginative_ moments, Tali had scrolled through blueprints for pre-made habstructures she had found on the extranet. They were basic structures with purely functional appliances and systems, free of the ostentatious shine the more expensive, luxury units had. Part of her relished the idea of a purely functional, steel and brick house. The Galaxy would need every last resource to rebuild and it seemed like such a waste to add glamour to one Quarian's house. But even as she considered this, the newly emerging selfish aspect of her personality reared its unfamiliar head.

Why shouldn't she have nice things? She was Tali'Zorah' vas Normandy, soon to be Tali'Shepard Jar Rannoch. She had been instrumental in the death of Saren, having put the final bullet in his misshapen head. She had been one of the most valuable members of the Collector's strike force, no matter how modest she tried to be whenever one of the old crew told the story. She had crawled through service ducts of fire and hacked open a completely alien door while under a withering hail of gunfire. She had been the one Shepard had chosen as a lover. Not Jack, Miranda, Liara, Kelly or Samara or any of the near endless lines of women wanting to be his. Hadn't she earned the right to be selfish? Surely she was selfish with Shepard's affection and was more than aware that bosh'tet journalist Allers had tried to get exclusive one-on-one interviews with Shepard in his cabin. Part of Tali hoped the journalist was simply being her nosy self, but the other part seethed at the idea of some woman trying to seduce her John Shepard under her nose.

Even as she imagined all the delightful ways to punish Allers, she knew it was unfair. Her hood-sister Kasumi had told her once long ago that not every woman was trying to get into Shepard's pants. The words had seemed laughable back during the Collector's mission as Kasumi was the _only_ woman not trying. Even the chaste Justicar Samara had been caught giving Shepard a few lingering glances and breathy looks. But time had given credence to Kasumi's words and Tali felt a measure of calm. She trusted Shepard implicitly. She had offered him numerous times to end their relationship, both during the Collector's mission and here fighting the Reapers. He was adamant in his love for her. He had never once shied away from her affections and offered his in return.

Tali remembered the first time they had gone on an official date after destroying the Collectors. Her girlfriends had all chipped in, so to speak. Kasumi had done her best to calm the bouncing love-struck Quarian and Kelly had done an amazing job in cleaning her hood and cloth wrapping for her suit. Miranda had offered cold, yet seductive advice for her on how to walk, the sway of her hips and what to do with her hands to drive Shepard crazy. It was how the Cerberus cheerleader had offered her consent to their relationship; Miranda was too proud to ever admit she had been beaten by a Quarian but she could offer advice. The last and certainly most unexpected support had come from a single line message from Jack. "Good Luck." was all it had said but Tali suspected it had taken a lot to get Jack to be so friendly. The whole night could be summed up in one moment, as Tali and Shepard entered the fanciest restaurant to servo both Lextro and Dextro DNA meals. He had taken her hand in his as they had been led to a table, proudly ignoring the more shocked looks from the other customers. Shepard had kept his attention on her the entire night, listening to everything she said and conversing pleasantly. He had ignored the lustful looks from Asari, human women and even a few drunk looking Turian women. Tali had been moved beyond words by his affection and had repaid it the most delightful ways later that night.

The console in front of her chimed, drawing Tali from her cherished memories. The simulated battle she had programed EDI to run was finished. It was impossible to plan for every eventuality, but running simulations to test systems and routines always helped. This time Tali had programmed hull breeches in engineering and the CIC, a level-6 power outage in the core and level-2 fire in the crew quarters and Shepard's cabin. That last line had been hard for Tali to program, but she knew the Reapers wouldn't spare either of them simply because she was hopelessly in love. EDI had run the simulation, using her own processors and recorded crew performance review and psychological evaluations to create as accurate a simulation as possible. The results scrolled down a list and Tali glanced them over. There was a point-zero-zero-zero-five power discrepancy between EDI's reaction time and available processing power. In a blink the AI absorbed the information and made minute adjustments to her programing.

Tali sighed and closed the screen in a huff. She was killing time and knew it. She should go see if Shepard was done in the war room and spend a few hours with him before the final push. But something was keeping her rooted to the deck; fear.

Tali'Zorah was terrified beyond all comprehension. Terrified that this truly was the end. The reapers were besieging the galaxy enforce and Cerberus had shown them its true colors. Not that Tali had had high expectations for the group, but still they had managed to miss even her astronomically lowered standards. She had felt something similar to this fear mixed with guilty excitement before the Collector's base. But then her fear had been overridden by a desperate desire to be with the man she loved. Now she was filled a terrible rush of sensation not far from anger; a burning sense that this _truly_ was the end of it all. How could she face Shepard now, knowing they would both be dead by day's end?

The door to engineering opened with a soft hiss and Tali glanced over her shoulder. Ken had just come back from the mess hall and he carried two human beers in his hands. Gabby turned to face him, her smile false and sad.

"Adams said no drinking on duty." She said and Tali could hear the sadness and desperation in her voice. Ken offered her one of the drinks and she took it without hesitation and sipped from it. Her limbs shook and Tali could practically hear the young woman's heart pounding in her chest.

"Yeah, well, the Chief is gettin' cozy wit' Chakwas in the medbay. I don't think he'll mind much." Ken replied and glanced at Tali, "Still here lass? Not much time left. Thought you'd be with the Commander?"

"Don't say that!" Gabby said and smacked her partner hard, "We're going to make it." She looked at Tali and nodded at her, "We have to."

"We have to." Tali whispered. If either of the two engineers heard her, they gave no response. Instead Tali shrugged and spoke a little louder, "I'm…I'm just waiting for Shepard to finish in the war room."

"Lad finished awhile back." Ken said and Tali glanced at him, surprised, "Saw him in the lounge myself. He and Alenko were sharing a drink. Asked me to sit but ah…" He turned to Gabby, "ah' have a date with a beautiful woman t'night."

"Charmer." Gabby smacked him playfully and blushed. Ken took another sip of his beer before continuing.

"Asked 'bout you, the commander did."

"What did you say?"

"Told 'im the truth." Ken shrugged, "Said you was down here, tuning the Normandy up."

"What did he say?" Tali asked quickly.

"Nothin'." Ken said, "Just excused himself. Think he went to his cabin. Maybe he needed some time alone?"

Tali took this in with a shallow nod. Here she was, cowering in the bowels of the ship like some suit rat while Shepard needed some companionship. And not just _any_ companionship, if he left his best friend in the mess hall. Shepard needed her, but he had been too polite to ask…or _worse_, Tali realized with a start. What if Shepard had thought she needed to be alone? That she needed time to process and think. What if he was putting aside his happiness for her? All this time he could have wanted to talk with her and hold her, but he kept silent because she had been too cowardly to face him. Tali felt a spike of shame; her bondmate needed her, and she was hiding.

Tali closed her console and collected her tools in record time. She opened her omnitool and set all her scheduled system simulations for auto-execute and left engineering in the time it took a heart to beat ten times. Ken and Gabby watched her leave, mouths agape at her speed.

"Was it something I said?" Ken asked worriedly. Gaby smiled ruefully. Tali was a good friend and she could read the Quarian's body language well. She had a pretty good idea where Tali was going and what she intended to do.

"No, you big idiot." Gabby said and put her arm around his neck, her lips hovering just above his "For the first time, I think you said the exact right thing."

0000000

Liara paced back and forth in her room, repeating over and over the lines she had written.

"Kaiden, you're my everything." Liara said to no one in particular then winced, "No that makes me sounds too needy." She erased the line from her omnitool and tried again.

"Kaiden I want to marry you." She tried and sneered. Inwardly she loved the idea but knew it was too much too soon. She deleted the line again and sighed. Liara slumped against the bed put her head in her hands. Tali had made it seem so easy and yet here she was, cowering in her little room like a damn maiden again. This was ludicrous. All the things she had done with Kaiden, all the deep emotional connections and she doubted she could even look into the man's eyes right now…those rich brown eyes. Liara looked at the clock on her night stand. It was getting late, and not just in the day. Their time was running out. A cold pit entered her stomach at the thought.

Liara stood and brushed herself off. She had always been the most bookish, the most concerned with plans. She was good at what she did but she never had that spark, that zeal that won Shepard or Garrus so many victories, nor did she have the urgency of Tali'Zorah or James. Liara had always been patient, controlled, collected. Like Kaiden; another reason she was so drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. Liara took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. She knew she was over-thinking this. She was close to Kaiden; Goddess, she was hopelessly in love with the man. What she needed was a spark of that zeal, that come-up-with-the-plan-as-you-go-along mentality. Liara took one last look around her small office and marched out the room.

She carefully, quietly, made her way down the hall. Kaiden's temporary room was in the lounge, always right down the hall from her. Liara felt a moment's guilt. How many times had she walked right past the door without going in? Kaiden had been on the Normandy for what, two months? Had she ever walked in just to say hi? Ever made sure he had eaten that day, or asked if he wanted to play a game of chess? Had she ever simply checked on him? Some true friend and lover she was.

Panic suddenly gripped her and Liara's nerve began to waver and fade. She paced outside the door to the lounge for what felt like hours, but was probably only a handful of heartbeats. The hallway seemed to echo invitingly, trying to tempt her to retreat to her computer screens. She could go back to her room, pretend this never happened. Would that be best? Did Kaiden want to be alone? Was Kaiden ever in the lounge?!

But she dismissed the thought and pushed the green release icon to the door to the lounge before she could stop herself.

"I was wondering where you had gotten to." Liara said with a small grin as the door to the Normandy's observation lounge opened. Kaiden turned to face her and the ocean blue of the Normandy's mass effect field bathed one side of him in glowing sapphire. The other side of his body was hidden in the shadows with only his whiskey colored eyes twinkling in the starlight. Liara offered a weak smile; Kaiden returned it.

"Liara." He said as if he was simply cherishing her name. He gave a dry chuckle and scratched the back of his head, "I'm surprised to see you out of your workroom. Keeping me company?"

"Something like that." Liara said with a nod, "It's not healthy to be alone on nights like this."

"You never did understand the meaning of personal space." Kaiden gave a dry, humorless chuckle.

"I spent a hundred years at secluded dig sites around the Galaxy." Liara said and came to stand next to him, gazing out the window at the stars as they passed, "I've had my fill of being alone. Besides, no secrets between us, remember? We promised."

"Hard to believe that was almost two years ago, huh?" Kaiden said with a chuckle. Liara chuckled too, but it was a sad, hollow thing. Although she was certainly nostalgic, she lamented the two years apart. But now that she paused to consider the past two years, perhaps it was best they had not kept in touch. Her single-minded hatred of the Shadow Broker had left her with few friends and many enemies. Shepard himself, Shepard the man who stared Saren down, Shepard the man who had dueled a Krogan Warlord to save her, Shepard the man who had returned from the dead, had been taken aback by her callous, dismissive behavior. Perhaps it had been best to simply close the bridge between her and Kaiden temporarily rather than risk burning it completely. Liara snapped her attention back to the present, burying the ghosts of the past. She realized her lack of a response was rapidly growing too awkward. She coughed and cleared her throat and said the first thing that came to her.

"What's that human expression? Time flies?" Liara asked. Inwardly she winced, knowing she must have sounded awkward and nerdish, but Kaiden nodded absently, either not noticing her hesitation or ignoring it.

"Sounds right." He shrugged, "I never understood it. These last few years…they've felt like a decade…especially…" He trailed off and Liara was sure she saw him scowl and close his eyes. Liara knew he had stopped himself from saying something _very_ important. Her heart began to beat faster and she suddenly felt very warm.

"Especially when?" She asked quietly. Kaiden looked down at his hands and squeezed them tight.

"It's…its nothing." Kaiden lied, "Just tired I guess." Liara smiled sympathetically and gently took his hand. Kaiden look down in surprise and slowly looked at her. Liara smiled and fully turned to face him. His face was the same controlled expression he always wore when he was deep in thought. The lips were thin and oh so kissable and his brow furrowed but his whiskey brown eyes expressed his true emotions. He was nervous and if Liara thought he could still feel it, she would have sworn he was scared.

"Kaiden." She said simply. Meaningfully. "When?" Kaiden gulped hard and looked away for a second. Liara was about to ask again when he nodded several times to himself and when he turned back, she saw the characteristic steel in his eyes that she loved so much.

"Especially when…when I wasn't with you." Kaiden whispered the last few words, searching her face for any reaction. Inwardly Liara wanted to shout with joy and pull the Spectre into a burning kiss. But she kept her calm and gave him a slightly amused look.

"I…I have a confession to make." Liara said slowly. She felt her cheeks blush and she offered him a bashful smile, "I…kept a secret. A big one."

"Well now…that sounds serious." Kaiden teased and Liara shook her head with a cheeky grin and gave him a playful push.

"I am serious." Liara said playfully but firmly. Kaiden fixed her with one of his withering looks; the look that said be prepared to be judged, fairly and evenly, but judged none-the-less. Liara knew that look; she cherished that look. Kaiden was slow to trust and even slower to forgive, but when you earned that trust, it was virtually impossible to break.

"Tell me." Kaiden whispered and Liara took a deep breath. This was it; the moment of truth. She could quickly lie, make her excuses and leave. She would save herself from the risk of rejection and for a moment, Liara considered it. But she couldn't. She had to know if her feelings were shared; if they had a future.

"I fell in love." Liara said simply. A moment of shock passed over Kaiden's face before rapidly being replaced with a deep hurt. It took a moment for her to comprehend his look; he was…_disappointed_?

"The drell? Your assistant?" Kaiden breathed out and he struggled for the name, "Fer-something?"

Liara was torn between laughing and slapping him. But it was not an unreasonable question. Tali had hinted at the relationship during the assault on the Shadow Broker's ship and Shepard had plainly asked. Her relationship with Kaiden had been paused two years ago and they had agreed their first night together that there were no expectations. The Spectre could be forgiven for thinking she had found someone else. The thought was absurd to her; she may have had a crush on Shepard once, but what she felt for Kaiden was something deeper. Something more important than a maiden's first love.

Liara rolled her eyes and gave him a disbelieving look, "With you, Kaiden. I fell in love with you."

The Spectre's features softened as he took in this news. Liara could practically see the gears working in his mind as he processed what she said. Then, as if all the lights in his brain went on at the same time, he smiled. It was the warmest, most genuine thing she had seen in years. She felt a wave of warmth flow over her and she reveled in it. Kaiden could be a moody bastard, but he was never dishonest. He said what he meant; it was like he lived without a filter. Before she realized it, Kaiden had pulled her into a tender kiss. His lips were firm but gentle and she found herself melting into his embrace. When he pulled away, Kaiden trailed kissed up her cheeks, to her ears, eyes and the crests of her head. Liara sighed in pleasure; they both knew how much she enjoyed having her head crests kissed.

"I've been so afraid of saying anything to you..." Kaiden whispered to himself mostly and Liara looked at him, puzzled. "I guess…I kept a secret too."

Liara smiled brightly and pulled him into a burning, passionate kiss. Her fingers raked through his hair, scratching the scalp maddeningly. Kaiden's hands found their way to the small of her back and pulled her closer, forcing a gasp of delighted surprise out of the Asari. Their lips pressed against each other so hard it hurt and Liara found herself growing more aroused at an exponential rate. Suddenly Kaiden pulled away. When Liara reached out to him, thinking he was momentarily sating his need for air, Kaiden took her hands in his, kissed them gently and looked her deeply in the eyes.

"I don't know why I'm asking this, and feel free to tell me to shut up, but Liara are you sure?" Kaiden whispered and Liara saw the clear hesitancy in his eyes, "I mean I'm human, you're Asari. I'm in my late thirties, so I have at best one hundred and ten years left. You're practically immortal compared to me. I just don't….I don't want you to regret anything."

Liara looked at him, shocked that he had already thought this through so much. But she smiled warmly at him and rested her forehead against his.

"Kaiden, Asari don't lament if our bondmates live shorter lives than we do; we cherish the time we have with them." Liara snuggled a little closer, relishing his warmth, "I want you and that is something I will never regret saying. The idea of being with you for a century makes me…" She laughed, "Giddy."

"I just wanted to make sure you're sure." He said simply and Liara nodded.

"I've never been surer of anything." Liara said firmly then offered him a grin, "Besides, medical technology is constantly improving and with my resources, I'll bet I can coax an extra few decades out of your hunky body."

"Sweet talker."

"I try."

"Liara?" Kaiden paused and looked deep into her blue eyes, "I love you."

They were the words she had been aching to hear for years and they resonated in her being, filling her with hope and happiness. But at the same time she was filled with a deep melancholy. She had something to hold on to, true, but she also had something to lose. And if her time on Mars had taught her anything, it was that none of them were invincible.

"I know you can't make this promise, and…" She struggled for the words, her mouth opening and closing several times before she continued, "But whatever happens tomorrow…with the Reapers…I want…I want you to know; I'm yours. I always will be." Kaiden stopped her with a gentle kiss and her train of thought slowed to a halt.

"I won't stop fighting until I see you again."

"Nor I." They kissed softly and Liara felt her cheeks flush and her heart hammered in her chest. Kaiden's hands wormed their way up the small of her back and even through her hard leather clothing; she could feel the warmth resonating from him. Liara shivered in the most delightful way. When she pulled away, Liara had tears of happiness brimming in her eyes.

"Kaiden…" She whispered and he reached out and brushed a stray tear away, "All these years I…I don't know if I could have been strong enough to survive without you to support me. Without you-" She took his hand and placed it over her heart, "Here"

Kaiden swallowed hard and she could see the emotions flickering in his eyes. "When we ended our relationship, you were never far from my thoughts. I thought about messaging you every day. And when I saw you on Mars, it was…it was the best thing that had…" he trailed off when he noticed the look of pure fear and pain that had appeared on the Asari's face. The color drained from his face as he thought about how Mars would have gone from her perspective, "I'm…I'm sorry Liara. I wasn't thinking. I shoul-"

She placed a finger over his lips and smiled sadly, "I almost lost you on Mars, Kaiden. Heading back to the Citadel with you in the medbay I felt…helpless. Like I did after we lost the Normandy, expect you weren't there to save me. I was terrified, Kaiden." She looked down as tears streamed down her face. At some point she had started to hiccup and her words were thick with emotion, "I prayed for you every night. Prayed that the Goddess would bring you back to me."

Kaiden captured her lips in a tender yet burning kiss. He pressed her body tight to his and she sighed into his mouth. His hands worked soft circles into her back and her hiccups slowly faded away to be replaced by a burning desire in her chest. Kaiden pulled away and kissed along her jawline to her ear.

"Well, I guess you wish was granted." His breath was warm to her soft skin and she shivered and moaned into his neck.

"Yes. It was." Liara nodded, "You are the Goddess' gift to me and I intend to make the most of every second that I have with you."

"So…" Kaiden slowly worked her zipper down so her soft blue skin barely peaked out of her suit. Kaiden held out a single finger and ran it down her collarbone. Liara gasped at the charge of biotic energy that pinched and shocked at her skin. Liara felt a wave of powerful lust wash over her and it took every last ounce of strength not to ravish him against the wall. "Should we head back to you cabin so I can show you how _gifted_ I truly am?"

0000000

Tali entered the cabin quietly doing her best not to disturb the man reading datapads on the couch. Despite having been up here every night since her return to the Normandy, Tali's heart beat as if this was the first time. This could very well be the last time she would ever spend here.

"The..uh…" She called out awkwardly after a moment. Shepard had been so engrossed in his reading he didn't notice her standing at the top of stairs, waiting. He looked up and despite his best efforts, Tali could see the very real fear in his eyes.

"The fleets assembling." Tali said, trying to think of anything to say. She winced at how dumb she must have sounded. This was ridiculous; Shepard was her bondmate and captain and she was acting like a maiden with a crush. "But it will still take a few hours. I've been trying to find ways to pass the time."

"Come up with anything good?" Shepard asked without looking up from his pad. Tali shrugged.

"Just running the numbers again." Tali said softly, "Busy work mostly."

"Yeah…" Shepard placed the datapad he was reading down. "I've been going over the numbers too. The Turian 224th Fleet will be arriving within the hour."

"What about the others?" Tali asked and casually picked up the datapad and idly skimmed the endless numbers scrolling away, "Have elements of the Migrant Fleet arrived yet?"

"Some." Shepard leaned over and pressed a few buttons on the pad. Tali sighed at their closeness and rested her helmet against his as they both read. It was a simple list of the Quarian ships in the fleet, their tonnage, crew numbers and weapon loadouts. "More will have arrived by morning."

Tali studied the list for a moment. The _Mar'Kesh_ and _Solari_ were retrofitted Asari line-cruisers, salvaged from the junk yards outside the orbit of Thessia's moon, Calypso. The _Ar'karor_ had been accepted as payment from the Krogan DMZ over a century ago for work fixing the battered ships of a Krogan fleet. Even the flagship of the fleet, the _Nar'oleth_, had been salvaged from a Hrud recon-in-force deployment that had run afoul a Blood Pack ambush in the Cyron Nebula. It wasn't the prettiest ship, resembling more a giant larval insect than a battleship, but it's moon pale hull bristled with gun turrets and launch bays.

Tali sighed and closed the data-stream.

"It's not fair." She said with an angry hiss, "All the other races have state-of-the-art battleships and dreadnoughts while the Quarians make do with hand-me-downs and scrap. My people have-" Shepard put a hand to her voice light and offered her a comforting smile.

"Your people have just won their homeworld back." He said softly, "You don't have to worry about the state of the fleet after today. We just need them for one more battle and then the Quarian's can worry about how many rooms their houses should have, or how big the garden should be."

Tali's eyes widened as a playful smiles danced across her lips, "A…a garden? As in…"

"Flowers, vegetables, berries…" Shepard smiled a sad, nostalgic smile, "My parents had one on Mindoir, out back. My mom loved growing flowers; tulips, roses and lilies."

"Keelah…" Tali sighed and pulled Shepard down with her so they both sat deep in the couch, "If-"

"When." Shepard interrupted firmly.

"When." Tali corrected herself, "When we defeat the Reapers and return to Rannoch, can we have a garden? That is….if you still want to live with me."

"I'll always want to be with you." He stroked her helmet for a moment, "And yes, we'll have a garden and everything you've ever wanted in a house."

"That sounds nice." Tali curled up against him for a moment and smiled at the idea. She traced idle circles on his chest and glanced around the room she had adopted as her home. It would be bittersweet to eventually leave this Normandy to start a house on Rannoch. But she was also giddy about having her own home. Her own living room. Keelah, her own garden!

The thought made Tali's eyes water. Her mother, Keelah rest her soul, always wanted a garden. She would tell Tali stories about the Age before Exile, of how their people used to live. She wished her mother could have lived to see the homeworld retaken. A curious thought entered Tali's mind and she glanced at her lover; would her mother have approved of Shepard?

Even as she thought about it, the answer was obvious; yes. Her mother would have adored Shepard, she was convinced. All the things he had done for the Quarian people, and for Tali personally? It was a wonder the other Admirals hadn't proposed naming the capital of Rannoch after him…or at least the capital building or planetary park or something…

Tali shook her head as she realized she was rambling to herself. Shepard was still pouring over the datastreams from the countless ships arriving from jump-points and Relays. Tali reached out slowly and took the datapad from Shepard's hand. A moment of confusion passed over his face as if he wasn't sure what had just happened, then he looked at her, confused.

"No more for tonight, John." Tali said softly and deactivated the translucent pad. When Shepard made to argue, Tali held up a finger, "First, no, I am your fiancé and I'm giving you an order. Second, we both know there is nothing more you can do; staring at numbers won't change them."

"I guess not." He sighed, "I just wish there was more I could do."

"You've already done so much, Shepard." Tali cupped his chin in her gloved hand and stared at him lovingly, "You've suffered so much, for so long, alone…but now you have the entire Galaxy at your back, Shepard…and…and you have me."

At this, a ghost of a smile played on his features, "Can you stay? Until the call comes…until the en-" She put a finger to his lips.

"Whenever you need me." Tali whispered with a smile. She hugged Shepard softly, but frowned when she realized he wasn't holding her back. She pulled away, puzzled. Shepard was frowning at her, his face unreadable but his eyes…they looked…desperate? Anxious? Tali had no idea because she had never seen Shepard look like that. "John…?"

"What about your needs?" He asked softly and looked down at his hands. He rubbed her gloved fingers delicately for a moment then sighed, "I want to share with you, not take from you."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's just…" Shepard paused to consider his words, "I want you to be with me because you want to be, not because you feel like you owe me something."

"Owe you…?" Tali echoed in shock, "Shepard, how could I _not_ owe you?!"

"Tali, listen I-"

"No, you listen to me John!" Tali interrupted fiercely, "You rescued me on the Citadel, countless times hunting Saren and on Haestrom. You gave me my pilgrimage gift. You held me when my father died. _Keelah_, Shepard, you single handedly fought a Reaper to get my people's homeworld back!" She took his hand in hers, "And for some reason, you love me."

"You are the single greatest thing that's ever happened to me." Tali shook slight from silent sobs. Shepard responded by gently lifting her into his lap so she was straddling him. Shepard worked his hands up and down her back, slowly calming her.

"Tali, I would have done all of that even if you didn't want to be with me. I just want you to be happy. You could run off with a Turian merc tomorrow if that's what you truly wanted. I never want to be in the way of your happiness." Shepard stared deeply into her pearl eyes and she knew with every fiber of her being he was serious. It would have made her laugh if their situation wasn't so dire; if this wasn't their last night together. There was an edge of desperation in the words; a final need for the other to know without a doubt how they felt.

"Shepard, I will never ever leave you." Tali smiled sadly, "You are my hero. My life. Everything I am is because of you."

"Way I remember it, that day on Solcrum, you destroyed the last of the Geth when that Prime broke my arm."

"Well yes…"

"And you were the one to apply medigel to me."

"Keelah, I was so nervous!" Tali sighed, remembering that day, "I had never applied medigel outside of training before. I was worried I would kill you or something."

"And you hold the record on Pinnacle station."

"You and Kaiden do too." She responded quickly, but a smile still graced her features. She was the only Quarian to have been allowed to ever compete, let alone hold a place of honor. The years of abuse from the other races were almost worth the looks of shock on all those bosh'tet soldiers when she proudly received her medal; especially those Asari twins that kept eyeing Shepard.

"True, but he and I both maintain it was your hacking expertise that saved us."

"Doubtful, but-"

"And you were the one who killed Saren."

"Keelah, I don't know why you told the media that." Tali sighed, remembering the endless fan messages from the Fleet and the interviews all the media channels wanted of her "I shot a dead body, nothing more."

"You saved my ass how many times on the Collector's ship? Walked through a service tunnel filled with fire?"

"I remember John, I just-"

"You are the youngest admiral in your people's history, and the heroine that retook the homeworld." Shepard shook his head in amazement and gazed lovingly into her eyes. Tali's voice had failed her at the sincere tone Shepard used. "You could have any guy in the galaxy, Tali."

She smiled playfully and made to stand up, "Keelah, you're right! Why am I wasting my time with an ugly bosh'tet like you when I can be with Garrus or Grunt." She twirled and made to leave in an overly dramatic way but Shepard caught her wrist and pulled. Tali gasped and tumbled onto the bed with Shepard pressing down on her. The look in his eyes was half playfully jealousy and half determined lust.

"You're not going anywhere, Ms. Vas'Normnady." Tali grinned at his tone and eased closer to him.

"That so?" She whispered, "And just what do you think you can do to stop me, John'Shepard?"

"I'm the Captain." He said simply, "I can order you to stay."

"Sounds like an abuse of power to me." Tali teased but relished the idea of Shepard taking charge. He was _so_ hot when he was determined.

"Oh, I haven't even begun to start abusing my powers." He teased and flicked open several of her suit clamps. Tali's eyes widened in the most delightful way and she bit her lip to keep from moaning. The idea of undressing was incredibly intimate for a Quarian, and that it was the Commander Shepard made Tali squirm in anticipation. Shepard slowly, too slowly, reached out and flicked the first latch of her mask. The sound echoed in her helmet. _Thunk_.

He smiled and traced his finger along her neck line to the next latch. _Thunk_.

Tali was going insane inside her suit. Didn't this bosh'tet know how badly she wanted him? Why was he taking so long? The first seals of her mask opened and Tali took a deep, unfiltered breath. It smelled like Shepard and the scent drove her wild. Tali reached up to remove the remaining latches but Shepard stopped her.

"No, I want to do this." He whispered meaningfully. Tali nodded slowly.

"Hurry then." She said, trying to contain her lust. Shepard smiled at her and pressed his body tight into her. _Thunk_. Tali squirmed as he slowly-painfully, deliberately slowly- lifted her visor from her helmet. He smiled down at her.

"Hey there, beautiful." He whispered. It was too much for the Quarian. She wrenched his head down to her face, simultaneously attacking his lips and grinding herself against him. Even through the suit, and her stimulation application inactive, the feeling was…deep. In reverberated in her core in a way nothing would ever come close to. This was her bondmate pressing against her; the idea sent a shiver almost as pleasurable as what Shepard's hand were doing to her seals at her chest and hips, up her spine. The armored gorget she wore with her suit separated in a hiss of pressurized air. Tali hissed at the sudden coolness that ghosted over the fine mesh bodyglove she wore under it. The suit was black, breathable and skintight. Shepard stared deeply into her eyes as a hand slowly traced the outline of her breast and teased over her nipple. Tali moaned.

"Oh…John…" She whispered as his mouth went to work. Tali felt the armored segments along her things and legs clatter to the floor and suddenly her entire body was flooded with the cabin's cool air.

Tali let herself go as Shepard began to peel back the body glove she wore.


	7. Chapter 7

She was dreaming.

Not the pleasant dreams with a life of endless happiness on Rannoch. No those dreams she loves and cherishes. She sees her husband, handsome even in middle age. He is strong and unwavering, like a statue of marble come to life. He carries a little Quarian girl in his arm, her black hair and pearl eyes buried in his neck as she sleeps. He also holds the hand of his son, a human with ash blonde hair and sparkling greens eyes. Neither are his biologically, but they are his children and he will his all to keep them happy and safe. Those dreams Tali holds on to, hoping, praying, daring them to be real one day.

She loves those dreams.

These are not those dreams.

She dreams of fire and blood. War in all its horrible majesty. Atrocities and slaughters. The death of worlds and soldiers fighting desperately beneath blood soaked skies. She hears that awful sound; that wailing foghorn used by the Reapers.

She dreams of the death of Shepard...of her dreams.

0000000

_Tali stared up at the open gun barrel aimed right at her. It yawned before her like an open wound, filling her with dread. The barrel seemed to be as wide as the galaxy, and twice as dark. How could it end like this? She was Tali'Zorah. Daughter of Admiral Zorah, and nar of Rayya. Graduated in the ninety eighth percentile in her class. Best marksman in her unit. Fastest sprinter, best mechanic. Her list of accolades went on and on. _

_Barely on her pilgrimage for two months, and where had it gotten her? She had no job, no resources. She was down to her last few hundred credits, and that wasn't going to last a month. Her first chance to get a decent paycheck, even for under the table reasons, and this was how it ended? Gunned down by a Slarian, in a filthy back alley in the Wards of the Citadel. This wasn't right. This wasn't the life of endless adventure, of saving her fleet from some dire threat and loving a noble and caring man._

_ Her killer's black emotionless eyes looked at her with disgust, and he tightened his grip on the trigger. Tali closed her eyes, unwilling to watch. Her last act in life, and it was one of cowardice._

_A shot rang out. Loud and piercing, echoing from wall to wall down the alley. Tali felt nothing. There was no pain. It was curious. She imagined it was going to hurt more than the time she broke her leg as a child. More than her brief sickness from the purple fever when she was in secondary school. But there was nothing. Slowly, delicately, she opened her eyes. The Salarian had a look of shock on his face. His eyes were wide and for a brief second, nothing happened. Then he dropped to his knees, and collapsed, dead. _

_Gunfire rang throughout the alley way, and Tali was suddenly aware of figures all around her. They were…humans?! What were humans doing here? They were firing in short controlled bursts at Tali's would-be assassins. One of them kneeled right next to her, a heavy pistol in one hand. He fired single shots, each round finding its mark. He gave her a quick glance and held out a hand to her. Without thinking, Tali took it and let herself be pulled to her feet. The human man quickly stepped in front of Tali, shielding her from the last desperate bullets of the surviving Turian thug. _

_Tali was in stunned silence. Who were these people? Why were they helping her? Why hadn't she run? With a quick glance, Tali saw no one behind her. The two other humans, a male and a female, were finishing off the Turian with quick, controlled bursts. He was soon dead. Tali's heart pounded in her chest. She was alive. She was alive! _

_She was aware of a firm, large hand on her shoulder. The human who had saved her was looking at her, his mouth moving but she wasn't listening._

"_What?" Tali asked._

"_I asked if you were alright ma'am." He repeated, "Were you hurt? Do you require medical attention?" _

"_No…no I don't think so." Tali responded, "I…this may sound dumb…but am I dead?" _

"_No ma'am." The human said with a smile, "I assure you, you are very much alive. You were attacked, but we got here just in time."_

"_It was Fist!" Tali snapped suddenly, "He set me up." _

"_I know. But you don't have to worry about Fist. One of my…squad mates took care of him." The human told her, "You're safe. For now, at least." _

"_I…I'm Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." She took a step back, to get a better look at her rescuer, "Thank you. For saving me."_

"_My name is Jonathan Shepard. Alliance military." He told her, "I'm just glad we got here in time."_

"_Why were you back here?" She asked, still wary of these new comers. _

"_…we were told you have information." He said, holstering his pistol and showing her he meant no harm, "Information on Spectre Saren." _

"_Maybe I do." Was her cryptic response. _

"_Tali'Zorah, I would like that information." He said, "I want to present it to the Citadel Council." _

"_What if I say no?" She asked, "Will you just let me leave?" Shepard looked at her for a long second, as if considering his options._

"_Yes." He said at length, "You are free to leave. Although, you might be safer with us." Tali looked at him hard, trying to gage if he was lying. He seemed honest. And if he was going to kill her, why would he stop a Salarian from doing it? If nothing else, he could have saved a bullet and the trouble of pulling the trigger._

"_Ok, I'll give you the data." Shepard nodded and turned to his two companions, "Its the least I can do for saving my life." _

"_Williams, Alenko, we're done here. Let's get back to the embassy." He turned to Tali, "Would you please come with us?" Tali nodded and walked a few steps before Shepard stopped her as he looked down at the dead Turian and Salarian._

"_Do you have any weapons, Ms. Zorah?" He asked._

"_I…no." She said, "C-Sec took my pistol from me when I arrived at the Citadel. It was an antique, but it still worked." Shepard nodded and knelt down. He retrieved a pistol and a shotgun from the slain assassins._

"_Seems only fair you get these then." He held the weapons to her, "I don't need them. Who knows when you will?" Tali snatched the weapons without a second's hesitation. Shepard smiled and motioned for her to follow the other two humans. He fell into step behind her, and for some reason, Tali felt safe with him watching her back._

0000000

"How's she doing?" Garrus whispered from his spot next to Tali. Dr. Chakwas looked up from her microscope and her face was grim.

"Her suit took most of the damage, but some shrapnel and debris got into her bloodstream. Her body is practically tearing itself apart trying to get rid of it." She said and switched off the medical device, unwilling to continue observing the sample of Quarian blood destroy itself over bacteria. Garrus clicked his beak and pressed a hand to the unconscious quarian's shoulder.

"The wound in her gut is showing early signs of infection. I'm doing the best I can, but we lost a lot of stock when the ship crashed." Chakwas said grimly, "If we can restore enough power I may be able to synthesize more antibodies for her, but as it is…" She trailed off, unwilling to express her fear.

"This isn't the way it was supposed to go." He whispered and Chakwas offered him a sad smile.

"War never goes the way you want it to." She said and fiddled with the various machines keeping the Quarian alive, "But we won. For now that needs to be enough."

0000000

Liara wiped another wave of tears from her eyes and curled tighter on her bed. She knew she was being weak, knew she was being selfish and that there were literally hundreds of things she needed to be doing…but she just couldn't…

Her hands clutched a small audio recorder, contained within was the last transmission she had with her lover before…_before_…

More tears stung her eyes and she pressed the activation stud. She knew it would send her sobbing, but she had to hear his voice. She promised herself this would be the last time. It was the same promise she had made to herself every five minutes for the last day. There was a wash of static and then…

_+Kaiden! Kaiden, where are you?+ It was her voice, breathless from the retreat Shepard had ordered not minutes before. _

_+…Liara? Liara, -__**zzzzrrtt**__- at you?+ His voice was broken by static, but it still sent a thrill through the Asari's broken heart. _

_+Kaiden, I'm on the Normandy. It's a full retreat. Where are you?+ _

_+-__**keershk**__- ith my squads on the –__**kzzrrk**__- side of London. We were making for the evacuation center at Point Arrow but-__**zzzrrt**__- overrun by Rea-__**kurrsk**__- orces.+ _

_+Hold tight, my love. We're coming to get you and your men.+ _

_+…gative, Liara. –__**keersk**__- ust received a distress call from a convoy of transport ships. They're –__**brrkt**__- ueling up just outside the city perimeter, but they need protection. There are still a lot of civilians and refugees between us and them. I have to try to –__**zzzrrt**__- escue some of them, Liara.+ _

_+Where is it at? I can send reinforcements or meet you there+ Laira's voice was desperate. _

_+Point –__**zzrrt**__-ine- two-two-seven-foxtrot-seven. A mall parking lot just outside downtown.+ _

_+I'm rerouting a company of Blue Suns to that position. They should have enough firepower to hold it long enough to break for orbit.+ _

_+Copy that. Thanks.+ _

_+See you in orbit, Kaiden.+ _

_+You bet. And Liara-__**kershk**__- ove you.+ _

_+I love you too. Stay safe...for me.+ _

Liara let the recorder drop from her hand and clatter to the floor. She sobbed harder than at any time before in her life. She cried until the tears burned so hard she was sure they were tears of blood. Every heartbeat sent more pangs of absolute anguish through her body. She felt sick to her stomach, like her body was rejecting reality itself.

Liara wasn't aware when she passed out, existing only in a haze.

There, flickering on one of the screens of her command center, like a terrible reminder of what she had lost, was a brief snap report, sent in the minutes before they made a FTL jump.

: Grid F7, Point Nine-two-two-seven.:

: Civilian transports EST. _Sun Clipper_, EST. _Nose Diver_ and EST. _Pathway_ recorded destroyed.

: Crew Casualties: 1,500. Civilians Casualties: min 2, 500.

Strategic Assets: Special Forces 3rd battalion,1st Psy Ops Company, 3-5th Squads under Major Kaiden Alenko

: Status: Overrun. Signals Lost. Presumed KIA

Blue Suns "Raptor's Wing" Rapid Response Strike Force, under Force-Commander Jessara Tri'Lia.

: Status: Annihilated.

: Mission Details: Satellite imagery confirms destruction of civilian ships and majority of Blue Suns armored forces. Confirmed sighting of Reaper forces: three Stalker-Class Reaper constructs, significant Reaper Assault forces "Brutes" and "Banshees". Unclear number of Reaper "Husks".

: Recommendation: Orbital Bombardment.

: Summary:

-NO SURVIVORS-

0000000

"Blasted thing!" Engineer Donnelly lashed out and struck the side of the panel with his foot. He winced in pain a second later and gingerly rested against the wall, his foot throbbing in pain.

"Easy, Ken, the Normandy is bad enough shape." Gabby called from a few feet over, "And you're not exactly in tip-top condition as it is."

"Aye, true that." Ken grimaced at his arm in sling, "But this I don't mind much. But the Normandy so broken…this girl deserves better than this."

His partner gave a sigh and pulled herself out from the duct she was working in. She cleaned her oil stained hands on a rag and wiped the grime from her face. Even dead-on-her-feet tired and smelling to high heaven, Ken found it hard to take his eyes off her. Gabby seemed to notice his staring and walked over to wrap her arms around his neck and place a quick kiss on his lips.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again, understand? " She whispered, on the verge of either crying or yelling at the man. Ken nodded absently and wrapped his one good arm around her. A piece of shrapnel from an exploding console hand taken him in the arm with enough force to cut straight through and burry itself two inches on the wall. Dr. Chakwas said it was a one-in-a-million chance that the piece missed his artery and managed to cauterize enough of the wound as it made it. Still, it would be months, if not years, before he could use the arm to full effect. That is, if they ever got off this planet.

"It ain't so bad, Gabs."

"Not so bad?!" Gabby gasped, "That…that…" She indicated to his arm, "So much blood…I knew you would die…I was…" she hesitated and Ken cupped her chin and kissed her.

"Ain't dead yet, lass. 'esides, chicks did scars!" He laughed and Gabby sighed in mock exacerbation and shoved him. They shared a small smile before kissing one last time. They both pushed into one another and tried to get as much of the other person as they could before they had to get back to work. When they finally broke apart, Gabby was blushing but smiling.

"Back to it, then?" Ken asked with a cheeky grin.

"I still got to realign the trans-drive coils and find a way to replace the power couplings for the FTL array."

"I love it when you talk dirty." Ken said and Gabby sighed.

"Later, you horn dog." She put a hand to her forehead, "I wish EDI were still here. She could tell me exactly what we still have in stock and what could work."

"Or Tali. Lass could make a drive core with nothing but an omni-tool and some element zero."

"Do you think she'll wake up?" Gabby asked, fearful. They both loved and respected their old chief and worried about her.

"I dunno, Gabs. I just dunno."

0000000

"_Almost time for the final push, Shepard." Tali tried to keep the nervousness from her voice, but she knew she was doing a miserable job of it. She found it hard to describe what she was feeling. Dread? Certainly. But there was also a guilty excitement, a thrill from finally ending the Reapers and earning her chance at a real life. It was like…like caged lightning in her marrow. She felt electric, ready to strike and yet knowing she would only get one chance to make it count. "Are you okay?" _

"_Funny, I was about to ask you that." Shepard said with a tight grin. She knew that grin. That was the same grin he gave her before Ilos, before the Collector's base. The grin he used to hide how nervous he was._

"_Keelah, Shepard, I followed you when I was just a kid on her pilgrimage. I followed you onboard a ship of Cerberus bosh'tets." She hesistated, unable to find the words she wanted, "Where…where ever you go…I'm with you." She winced, knowing she was fumbling with her word again and but Shepard's force grin turned into a real smile. _

"_I couldn't have done thing without you, Tali." He said and placed one hand on her hip, earning a squeak from the Quarian, and another on her arm, "Throughout all of this, you were the force keeping me going. My light in the darkness." _

"_Sweet talker." _

"_I try." He said then looked out at the blasted cityscape. He sighed and walked over to rest on the blown out remains of a window. Tali followed him and took his hand in hers. _

"_You never answered my question." She whispered. Shepard glanced at her for a moment then looked back at the city. _

"_When you were a kid, did you ever hear stories about Rannoch? About the time before the war?" Shepard asked. Tali gave him a quizzical look and nodded. _

"_Once or twice. Most of the stories were about the Geth uprising and the war. We had little information about what life was like before then." Tali said, "But I always enjoyed those stories the most." _

"_Well imagine its not a story. Imagine you were just there, a few months ago…" Shepard trailed off as an explosion rocked the city beyond the river. Tracer fire in the sky increased for a few seconds as the fires lite up the sky. _

"_And now you're seeing it like this." Tali finished. She had never seen Rannoch before the first landing. She had nothing to compare it with. Her only image of Rannoch was the orange mesas and the ruins of old cities dotting the horizon like mountains. She never saw Rannoch flourish with life and her cities teeming with millions of souls. She only knew it as the husk it was. But Earth was different. Earth was still alive, her people still fighting for survival. _

"_We need to fix this." Shepard said and Tali doubted he was talking to her, "We need to put this right." He clenched his fist and pounded the stone wall, cracking it. Tali put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face her. She took his head in her hands and forced him to look at her. _

"_We. Will." She said firmly and it took a moment for the words to sink into Shepard's skull. After several heartbeats he nodded and Tali eased up, looking down at her now free hands and wringing them nervously. Both their omnitools beeped as a army wide message went out. They didn't both to read it. They both knew it was time. Shepard gave Tali one last nod before he turned to walk away. She couldn't let him go. Not yet. There was still so much to say, so much to do. Tali felt her heart freezing in her chest and reached out a hand to her retreating human. _

"_Do…" She whispered and Shepard stopped in his tracks, "Do you remember what we said back on Rannoch?" He turned to face her, his face traced with nostalgia and regret. _

"_You said I love you." He smiled and Tali took his hands in hers. Anything to touch him, to get close to him. _

"_And you said keelah selia." She chocked out and ran her gloved fingers over Shepard's goofy five-fingered hand, "I…I just…I just wanted more time." Shepard put both hands on her shoulders and nodded. _

"_I know." He whispered and leaned in close, "Whatever happens Tali…" _

"_I know." She whispered, "I just wish…" Shepard put a hand to her visor and she leaned into it, covering it with her own hand. After a moment Shepard smiled and reached for something on his belt. _

"_I was going to carry this with me, but…" He pulled out the small rock from Rannoch and Tali gasped. She had inscribed her full bonded name on that rock as a prayer to her ancestors to grant her. It represented every hope and dream she had left. _

"_You…you brought our promise relic with you?" Tali tried not to sound teary eyed. The sight of what she wanted most was making her realize what she had to lose. _

"_I wanted it to be with me at all times." Shepard looked down at it for a moment, running his fingers over the black laser-burned inscription on the flat surface. Then in one swift motion, he broke the rock in half. Tali gasped. _

"_Shepard!" She began until he held out a piece of the rock for her. Tali looked down at the rock and put her hands on it gently, reverently. _

"_Now we can both have half of it." He said, "I can't be the only one walking around with the ancestors watching over me. Besides, what's the good of having a future if you're not in it?" Tali gasped out a laugh that was almost a sob. _

"_You silly romantic bosh'tet." She shook as she ran her fingers over the inscription she had, "You know it's horrible luck to break one of these…" Shepard looked down at his half for a moment before looking up and smiling. _

"_Well, good thing it's only a silly superstition, right?" He asked and Tali chuckled, tears steaming down her eyes. _

"_Yeah. Good thing." She pocketed the rock and clenched her hands to prevent herself from embracing Shepard again. She knew she would never let go this time and she had a mission to complete. _

"_When we're done here, we'll hang them over the front door of our house on Rannoch." Shepard said, his voice thick with emotion. _

"_I…I'd like that…" was the only response Tali was able to make. Knowing there was nothing left to be said and knowing she had to stop thinking about their future long enough to earn it, Tali pulled the custom shotgun from her back and activated it. Shepard nodded his understanding and they turned and made their way to the waiting assault transports, and their ultimate fate. _

0000000

Joker gave another sigh and rubbed his eyes. He was dead tired and hadn't had a decent night's sleep since they crashed on whatever backwater world this was. He tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his broken ankle. Pain killers were at a premium now, and he knew there were injured crewmembers who needed them more than he did. Traynor had cracked her skull on a bulkhead when they crashed and although she had little brain damage, Chakwas has insisted she stay under until the swelling went down. Guardswoman Stevens had lost an eye to an exploding metal detector outside the War Room, and Flight-Lieutenant Bransfield had had his leg almost completely shorn off by the shuttle when its docking gears broke and it slid half way across the cargo bay.

And then there was EDI. His partner in crime and the AI he loved. When the Citadel had exploded and the resulting crimson blast wave was seconds from hitting them, EDI had turned to him and managed to whisper his name before collapsing. Everything had gone to shit since then. Systems failed, Navigation had gone off line. Joker had been in the middle of executing an emergency FLT jump when the entire system went dead, hurling them blindly into an unknown system.

It had been pure luck they hadn't emerged in the heart of a star, or flew to close to a supernova. Luck, and Joker suspected, the last action EDI calculated. She was capable of micro-second choices and he couldn't shake the feeling she had plotted their exact course before dying.

Joker grimaced. She wasn't dead. At least, not fully. At least…he hoped so. EDI body was all but fried and the Normandy was unresponsive, but a single server in the AI core was still online. With the majority of the ships systems down, there was no way of telling just what was inside the quadruple shielded black box, but Joker hoped it was her. But without a full dry-dock and equipment comparable to what Cerberus used to originally create her, it was fool's hope.

One of the few consoles still working bleeped and Joker activated the in-ship vox system.

"Joker here." He said, his normal joyful tone and insubordination buried under his grief and exhaustion.

"We're almost ready to test other systems." Adam's voice crackled over the receiver, "Going for auxiliary systems; maintenance, medical and the cargo lifts."

"Understood." Joker typed at his command console, calling up a screen of power readings and system status. "Whenever you're ready."

The Normandy gave a shudder and the running lights flickered rapidly. Two tactical screens flickered on, but showed nothing but a negative screen. The sound of a generator powering up began to grow and grow. When it reached an almost ear-piercing screech and the Normandy shook as if riding an atmosphere, Joker was convinced the ship was seconds from exploding. Then the shaking stopped, and the generator screeching settled to only a distracting background grind. Joker checked his screens. Two of the three system indicator lights had turned green. He grinned and pressed a series of buttons. A dozen screens flickered on with renewed power. They were blank, as befit a system recovering from a hard reset, but it was a start.

"This is Joker, Medical and cargo bay showing green. Maintenance is still red."

"Rodger that." Adam's voice was thick with exhaustion and Joker knew without Tali there was little chance of fixing enough of the Normandy for her to be airborne again. He grimaced; even if their brilliant Engineer was awake, he still doubted it. Deciding to distract himself from their bleak outcome, Joker began a manual system's check list, hoping to lose a few hours to the endless monotony that would have taken EDI a split second to accomplish.

0000000

"_Cover! Cover!" Garrus barked over the roar of autocannon fire and the screams of the dying. Instantly Tali ducked and rolled, barely missing a stream of biotic energy from a Reaper banshee further down the line. A dozen marines behind her weren't so lucky and she tried not to listen to their screams as their bodies liquidated under the terrible energy. An Asari huntress slammed into the rockrete barricade Tali was kneeling behind and offered her a tight smile. Tali nodded in return. A second later a stray round ricocheted off the wall and blew out the back of the commando's head. Tali struggled to her feat as more tracer fire tore up the ground. _

_All around her the forces of Hammer were smashing against a never ending wall of Reaper resistence, dominated by the Harbinger Reaper itself. Behind it, two more massive Reapers moved in the shadowy smoke of the night. Her retinal display instantly scanned the two approaching Reapers, feeding her an endless stream of data. Two names popped up: Titan and Armageddon. Tali grimaced under her mask; with such firepower against them, reaching the conduit was now all but impossible. _

_A Razor-class hover tank flew passed her, blasting away with its macrocannon and launchers. A single beam from Harbinger turned the tank into a heap of molten slag. An inhuman screech tore her attention back to what was in front of her. The Reaper banshee was on its knees, screaming in pain as a group of Krogan berserkers tore into with roaring chainblades and omniblades. Tali recognized the squad marking as belonging to the Tulka Raiders, one of Wrex's elite assault companies. Without resting the krogan's turned and charged straight into the fire over a dozen marauders and carriers. Tali mouthed a quick prayer to Keelah, commending their souls to the afterlife and turned away from the massacre. _

_There was still over a hundred meters to the glowing beam that was the conduit. Overhead the dreadful blare of the Reapers was answered in kind by the subsonic roar of bombers. She glanced straight up, seeing the twinkling running lights of a full wing of Volus starhawk bombers coming in fast. _

"_Bombers high!" Tali screamed into the company wide channels, "Incoming!" A figure tackled her to the ground in time to avoid the blue flash of the ordinance. The Volus plasma bombs stuck their exact target, striking the Reaper Titan on its frontal eye and detonating with all the force of a new born sun. Tali pressed her hands to her audio-receivers for all the good it did. The sound was incredible; like a steel monster screaming its hate and denial. When the smoke cleared Tali saw the Titan Reaper swaying on its now lifeless legs, a massive hole of sparking electronics and melted steel where its head had once been. The Reaper swayed for a moment then like a great tree felled in a forest, toppled over and crashed into the ground. _

"_Tali?" The man next to her gasped out. She smiled despite herself. _

"_I'm alright Shepard. Thanks for saving my ass…again." She said and Shepard winked at her. _

"_Cute one like yours, can't risk losing it." He said and she smacked his arm. _

"_Bosh'tet." She whispered. They were soon joined by Garrus and Liara, both covered in smoke and blood. Shepard put a hand to his ear. _

"_Kaiden, what's your status?" He asked over the crackling vox channel. _

_+ Holding our own for now. + Kaiden shouted over the roar of gunfire. Tali saw Liara tense for a moment. She knew how much the Asari wanted to go with her lover, but Kaiden's biotic squads had enough biotics as it was, and Hammer precious few. +We saw the bombers come in and blast that Reaper; sure could use some of that over here. + _

"_Buy us what time you can then get out of there Kaiden. No heroics!" Shepard ordered and the other man laughed and cut the signal. Kaiden had been part of the second wave of Hammer, but it had been diverted to intercept a massive Reaper counter-attack on the other side of the grid. Tali tried not to thinking about what her longtime friend was facing. The brief radio chattered suggested it was a force three times that what she faced now. _

"_We're getting torn to ribbons out here, Shepard." Garrus' graveling voice called out. The turian aimed his rifle over their cover behind a blasted out building and fired. He didn't even grin in amusement as his round found its mark between the eyes of a brute. _

"_We don't have a choice. We have to keeping pushing for the Crucible. Only one person needs to make it." Shepard met the eyes of his three friends, their faces grim, "We have to do this." _

"_We're with you Shepard." Liara said firmly and Garrus nodded. Tali placed a hand on his shoulder. _

"_Lead. I will always follow." She said and Shepard spared her a sad smile. _

"_Let's move." He raised his revenant rifle and stormed out of their cover. His first shots took a marauder in the back of the neck, saving the Salarian STG specialist it had pinned to the ground. His next volley distracted a brute long enough for a team of N7 heavy weapon troops to reload their missile launchers and blast it apart. Tali sprinted behind her lover, pumping shell after shell into the hordes of husks charging them. Together with Liara they formed an arrow-point behind Shepard, blasting apart the Reaper forces charging from the sides. _

_A Reaper Harvester suddenly descended from the smoke clouds, spraying the ground with its burning fire. A series of explosions rocked its body, blasting huge holes in the creature's segmented armored plating. It screeched until a fourth round took its head off. Tali spun to see a Mako Mrk. III tank roll past them, cannons firing and its hold filled with fresh troops. Behind it more transport tanks were bringing in entire squads and companies of N7 Marines and Asari huntresses. The charge for the Conduit was endanger of turning into a full on battle. _

_Harbinger blared its horn and fired. The beam of blood red energy struck the lead tank and sent it spiraling through the air. Tali ducked but it was too late. She screamed in pain as a razor sharp splinter of metal embedded itself in her suit. Tali clutched at the metal piece only to be peppered by further debris like a shotgun blast. She staggered for a moment before collapsing, her visor cracked and bleeping red warning lights from countless punctures. Shepard was at her side in an instant, propping her up against the blown out remains of a crashed starfighter. _

"_Tali!" He screamed and stabbed a syringe of medigel into the suit just above the wound. Tali gasped and tried to nod her willingness to continue the charge. "Normandy, this is Shepard. I need immediate retrieval." _

_No…Tali tried to form the words but only a trickle of blood came out. Her entire body ached and her head swam. She heard Shepard speaking as if from an eternity away and tried to concentrate on his voice. He was saying something about evacuating and medical something…Tali wasn't sure. He put a hand on her shoulder but she shoved him off. _

"_No! I…I'm staying." She managed. Shepard ignored her weak protest._

"_Like hell you are." He snarled and hauled her onto his shoulder. Tali screamed and kicked in defiance, ignoring the tearing pain in her gut. The air kicked up around her and through her tears she saw the familiar silhouette of the Normandy. The cargo ramp slammed down and the Normandy's entire compliment of marines stormed out, turning the land area into a killing field. _

"_Here. Take her." Shepard barked and Tali grunted in pain as he shoved her into another armored body, "Get her out of here." _

"_Right away Shepard." Garrus called back but Tali pushed away from him. _

"_SHEPARD!" She screamed, enraged and scared beyond all rational thoughts, "NO!" _

"_I need you to get out of here." Shepard responded quickly, eyeing the Reapers looming in the distances. _

"_I…I can't…" Tali almost fell but Garrus caught her a the last moment, "I can't stay…behind." _

"_Please Tali don't argue. Not now." Shepard pleaded. She saw the desperation in his eyes but ignored it. She was desperate too, damn it! She couldn't leave him alone, leave him to die. _

"_Don't…" She managed through blood flecked lips, "Don't leave…me…" Shepard's face turned from one of desperation to a dreadful calm Tali hated. He had the face of a man who knew death was minutes away and accepted that. Tali squirmed; she would not accept his death. Never again! _

"_I need you to make it out of this." He said softly and cupped her visor in his hand. He smiled and kissed his fingers before placing them to her mask, "Get back to Rannoch. Build yourself the home you always dreamed of." _

_Tears poured down Tali's face and all she wanted to do was rip her mask of and embrace him. Already she felt a fever coming on and her thoughts were slow and sluggish. She reached to her belt and carefully pulled out the Rannoch rock she carried. She held it out to him. _

"_I…I have…that...home…" She managed, her voice breaking, "Don't go…please…" Shepard's eyes brimmed with unshed tears and he closed her fingers tight around her half of the rock. _

"_I'll always love you." He whispered. In that moment, Tali's heart broke. With nothing more to say, Shepard turned and powered down the ramp and back into the fight. Tali watched him go as the Normandy began to ascend. She screamed, roared and slammed her fist against the wall. Something pressed into her neck and she glanced to see blue skin and what looked like a sedative. Tali felt a wave of coolness flood her veins and she tried to fight it off. _

"…_Come back to me…" She managed as the ramp closed and darkness took her. _


	8. Chapter 8

I just really wanted to get this chapter out; been writing furiously for days now.

Drop me a review and let me know what you think

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He was floating. He couldn't feel anything save a pleasant warmth flowing over every inch of his body, as if he had be placed in a hot spring. He was weightless, floating in a void he could only describe as blissful. He had no idea where he was, who he was or even if he should care. Certainly he should and a very small part of him screamed for action; to stand, to know. But he ignored it, instead choosing to exist in this nebulous zone of warming numbness.

Slowly he began to feel pressure on his body and the voice in his head began to fade, it's unintelligible screams becoming more desperate and enraged. He didn't care. Why should he listen to such an angry and violent subconscious? His skin was warm to the touch and the light bleeding through his shut eyelids was blinding. Somewhere in the distance birds chirped. He felt something beneath him, warm and rustling in a gentle breeze. It prickled his neck in a teasing way; grass. He smiled. A new sound began to grow; a slow rumbled and the crash of oceans on waves. His nose filled with the salty tang of sea water. He sighed contently and stretched. His limbs were stiff and he felt tired, as if he was still shaking off the last remnants of a deep sleep. Curiously his leg ached and he rubbed it, wondering if he had rested after pulling a muscle. The ache didn't really fade but he pushed it away, too content to let such a dull ache bother him. He opened his eyes to a crystal blue sky and full white clouds.

He sat up and his abdominal muscles pinched in protest. He could only imagine he had been exorcising hard before he slept and was now feeling the results. He stood and tenderly tested his leg. It held, so he glanced around, taking in everything. He was on a grassy cliff overlooking a endless ocean. The water was the color of sapphires and twinkled in the bright sun like glass. The wind kicked up and he sighed contently, feeling the prickle of grass between his bare toes. He turned and looked back where he assumed he had walked from. In the distance a small town shimmered in the sun, its rounded houses like islands of pearl amongst the grass plains. Field of amber crops stretched around the town like the pedals of a flower. He felt a tug, a desire in his gut to go there. He knew he should know the town's name and every person who called this small paradise home. He blinked; what was his name and why wasn't be bothered that he didn't know it? Who was he?

He looked down at his frame. He was built tall and strong; the body of a man used to hard work. His hands were calloused and thick with strength. An old scar ran across the back of his hand. He put a finger to it and

_The creature screamed its inhuman wale, mouth and throat filled with glowing blue electronics. Its dead, husk like eyes burned a baleful white. It seized his arm and wrenched his powered glove off, scraping its sharpened claw across his skin. He grunted and raised his pistol and_

The man put a hand to his forehead, wincing in pain. The vision had flashed in his mind, leaving lingering trails of its passing like the ruins left after a tornado. He thought he heard the blue husk's scream echo in his mind, but he told himself it was just a seabird's caw distorting as it echoed up the cliff. The visions and the memories faded quickly and he shook his head clear, now unable to remember what he had seen or what he had been doing. He shrugged; it didn't matter.

He knew that town was his home and he would be safe there. Sparing one last minute to take in the beauty of the scene around him, the nameless man set off towards his home.

0000000

The huntress sneered as the blood trail ended at a closed door. She holstered her pistol and knelt by the red streak across the tile floor. She had been following the trail for ten minutes now, her annoyance and dread increasing with every passed second. No normal person, human, asari or even krogan, could lose this much blood and still keep moving. She grinned and scoffed; she wasn't looking for a _normal_ person at all.

She stood and whipped around as debris fell from the broken ceiling. She narrowed her eyes and held her breath, stepping back into the echoing shadows of failed light fixtures. She waited; patience had always been a virtue of hers, although she rarely acted on it. She preferred cold, direct action, but she knew the value of stealth. Nothing moved and she knew she couldn't wait much longer.

Satisfied there were no Reaper husks or those abominable banshees waiting to skewer her, she moved back to the trail. The door was broken and she growled in annoyance. Somehow she knew she shouldn't have been surprised. Virtually nothing on the crashed Citadel worked. It was a wonder there were still hallways she could move through.

The explosion that had seen a full third of the Citadel plunge into earth's atmosphere had been nothing short of cataclysmic. Every electronic device, from a simple calculator or omni-tool to the galactic highway system of the Relays had flicked off. Some had come back online instantly, and the less complex it was, the sooner. Some, the Geth fleet and the Relays themselves, remained inactive, floating in the void like macabre ornaments. The wing of the citadel that fell off had crashed downtown London, leveling any remaining structures the war with the Reapers had missed. The dust had not even settled when the search had begun. The huntress didn't know why she had even ventured into the Sol system during the battle, let alone why she stayed and offered to help. Her place was not amongst the dust and the grime of the once disgustingly clean Citadel. Still, perhaps it was her long denied sense of honor or even guilt that saw her send half her troops into the crashed city, searching for survivors.

Her omni-tool bleeped and she sighed in annoyance.

"Report" She snapped over the radio.

+We found some survivors in C-Sec. What should we do with them? +

"Call the Alliance med-support and get them out of here. We're here to help these people, not execute them." She growled back and paused, "Also tell your men if any of them take so much as a thong as loot, I will skin them alive."

+Yes ma'am!+ The radio clicked off and she smirked, amused.

The huntress pried open the door's control panel and rewired the blown out circuits. The indicator light flashed green and one side of the door opened half way. The rest sparked on broken hydraulics and finally died. The huntress clicked her tongue.

"Fine. The hard way then." Her voice echoed through the empty hallway and she wrenched the door off its mounting with a single biotic scream. It clattered to the ground and she raised her pistol, ready for anything. She stepped into the echoing darkness. Sensors in the lights caught her movement and flickered on. A scanner light descended from the ceiling and scanned her.

"**Lo'Tara, Asari, Spectre Status Recognized**." The cheerful VI voice called out. The huntress growled and shot the scanner, grinning as the VI faded. The blood trail continued down the hallway to the command center. She jogged the last few feet, knowing she was reaching the end of her hunt. She rounded the corner and gasped despite her hardened soul.

A figure lay slumped over the Spectre's command console. The huntress holstered her pistol and approached quickly. A cursory scan of the human told her how badly damaged he was. She put her hands to his shoulders and pulled him off the station. She noticed that a distress call had been primed but he had passed out before he could send it. The huntress grunted, impressed. She laid the man on the ground and scanned him with her omni-tool.

His face was familiar, but then again it was known to half the galaxy. But the huntress knew this man, this hero, personally. Despite their differences, he had helped her take back what was hers and put to rest ghosts from her past. His face was serene but coated with blood. Metal and bone shrapnel peppered his jawline and forehead and his eyes were gummed shut with blood. His armor was melted and warped from extreme heat, flowing over his skin in a scalding wave. The stench of burnt flesh and blood was heavy in the air. Without thinking she injected him with medigel and checked her scan's results. His heart was still beating, but it was slowing. Brain activity was fading.

"Goddess damn it." She cured and held his head in her hands, "You better still be in there or I'm going to kill you." She took a deep breath and pressed her forehead to his. Her heart slowed as it mirrored his. Pain began to flow in her body, but she endured it. The world faded, leaving only her and the man on the brink of death in her arms.

"Embrace Eternity." She whispered and was lost.

0000000

Up close the town was even more charming that he thought. Simple metal and rockrete hab shelters dotted the small hill the town had been constructed on. It hadn't taken any time at all to reach the small town and he found he could no longer remember any details of the walk. It was as if he was at the gates of the town when he wished to be.

A small sign marked the colony: _Mindoir_. He didn't like the name. It had a ring of sadness to it. A dull ache passed through his head as he thought about the name and for a moment he was worried something terrible would happen. He glanced up at the sky, expecting something but not knowing what. Only a few white clouds drifted by.

The man blinked and continued inside the town proper. He passed a supply store, its window lined with the latest shipment of farming tools and appliances. He had distant memories of shopping there with…his father or older brother? Someone he trusted had taken him there countless time. There was also a small ice cream shop and this he knew he had visited with his mother. He passed a landing pad and felt a thrill of excitement at the thought of space craft descending from atmo on waves of reentry fire. Briefly he wondered if he would ever leave this world. Looking around at the absolute paradise of the town, he doubted he would ever need to. What was it missing? He could see a general store, easily the second largest building in the town. it was blocky and pearly white and easily three stories tall. The largest structure was what he assumed was the town's center. It was gun metal gray, adorned with antennae and radio dishes. Two canons dotted the sides, each aimed towards the sky, but there were dotted with overgrowth and vines. He doubted they had ever even been test fired.

Strangely there were no people at all. This only gave the man a moment's discomfort and he passed through the empty town calmly and quickly. He legs seemed to know his destination even if he did not. He soon found himself in front of one of the dozens of identical prefabricated colony shelters. It was a semicircle of steel, like a mole on the face of the planet. Two circular windows looked out on the town and he smiled. This was his home. He knew it in his gut.

The door opened smoothly and he felt a sense of content-ness. The house as both alien and familiar to him. The entry hallway was lined with photos and he stopped to study them. He recognized himself in a majority of them, but there were other people too. An older man and woman; his parents he assumed. And a young woman, maybe a decade or so younger than him. He wasn't sure if she was his daughter or younger sister, but he felt a sense of pride build in his chest all the same. He could imagine spending the rest of his life in this simple home. the furnishing were utilitarian but of expensive make. He touched the worn leather of the recliner chair and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly with a slow smile.

"This really your idea of paradise?" A teasing voice suddenly called from behind him. The man spun, adrenaline surging through his veins. He felt a sharp pain behind one eye but it faded as quickly as it came. A woman clad in skin tight red armor walked in, legs crossing over each other seductively. She wore a jacket of white leather that descended just past her ample bust. She glanced at some of the photos and chuckled darkly, "Hard to imagine a man like you giving up everything to live the life of a farmer. I'm almost disappointed. I expected more fun from the great Shepard."

"Who are you?" the man asked, weary of this woman. She was Asari and like all her kind she was beautiful in an other-worldly way, like fey creature from a fairytale. She smiled and there was an actual hint of warmth in it. Her face was wide and solid; her eyes shimmering like shards of jet. Her brow was lined with intricate geometric circles and a thick red tattoo, like a goatee of blood jutted from under her lower lip. She smirked and the man felt for the world like a specimen lay out on table for all to observe. Something behind her eyes was familiar and menacing, like she knew everything about him.

"My name…" She paused as if momentarily unsure, then smiled again, "My name is Attaal Lo'Tara." The man winced as a sudden pain flashed in his head. A memory…of…a statue? Or a plaque with that name on it? He wasn't sure.

"I…" He took a deep breath to calm himself, "I know that name." The Asari smiled and her cheeks tinged darker blue.

"I am-was- a Spectre." She said and offered an overly dramatic mock bow, "I served the Citadel for two hundred years."

"You're…you're dead, aren't you?" He asked, but he knew she was. Somehow he just knew.

"I was…am." She chuckled, "Depends on your point of view. Officially Attaal Lo'Tara is long dead. I died saving an isolated farming world from a Vorcha blood crusade. A noble, if humble end to my outstanding career. They built a statue in my honor."

"I've seen it. In pictures." He said and she shrugged, as if not interested.

"I never thought it captured my essences. So…goody goody. It's not fun, not sexy." She strode to the pictures on the wall, studying each in turn. She lingered on the figure of the man and the younger woman. She put a hand to it and he was sure he saw a deep pain in her eyes. A longing.

_An Asari girl screamed, blood gushing from her ruined throat. Her hands clutched at her neck, trying in stop the flow. Her pale green eyes burned with horror and pain. She gasped, gagged and reached out a blood stained hand. The light faded from her eyes and she collapsed, body twitching and twitching in its death throes. _

The Asari and the human recoiled collectively, the man bending over, burying both hands into his throbbing forehead. Attaal stood ridged; one hand to her eyes to brush away the tears of anger. She grimaced and let out a slow breath. She would have to be careful. in a heartbeat she was back in control, face an emotionless mask.

"Wh-what was that?" The man asked, his voice strained and a stray tear falling from the corner of his eye.

"I…I'm sorry. You weren't meant to see that." Attaal said sincerely, "Won't happen again."

"That felt so real…" He said breathlessly. A look of regret passed over the Asari's eyes.

"It was." She said carefully. Shepard looked at her with a hard stare.

"Why are you here, Attaal?" He asked darkly. Something itched at the back of his mind but he couldn't concentrate on it.

"I'm here for you, Shepard." Attaal said meaningfully. The man blinked.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" He asked. Was that a name? A title? Was he farmer of some sort? That certainly made sense given his home in an agricultural community.

"Your name in Jonathan Shepard." Attaal said and approached slowly. The man backed away instinctively, eyeing the door behind him. "You are a Commander in the Alliance Military, and a fellow Spectre."

"No, you have me confused for someone else." He said with a forced laugh, "I'm just some guy. I've never been off world."

"That's not true. You-"

"Stop!" He held out a hand and backed towards the door. Pain suddenly flared in his leg and he stumbled into the doorframe. He suddenly felt weak on his knees but managed to keep his footing "Just stop. You don't know me. Just…just leave me alone."

He stumbled out the door and the world faded away.

0000000

He collapsed onto the hard metal ground, gasping for air. All around him fires burned and warning klaxons wailed. An explosion to his right forced him to flinch and he rolled left, covering his head and waiting. When the smoke cleared he stood on shaking legs, casting his gaze around. He was in a massive room, its upper reaches lost in a smoky haze. He could see wide staircases leading to identical raised layers, each lined with small alien plants. Red lights lined the floor boards, trailing away to an elevator at one end, and a circular plinth at the other. Part of him recognized this room, as if he had visited it before.

Another explosion rocked the ground and he tuned at the sound of the elevator opening on emergency power. Three figures came bursting out, each armored in scuffed black armor and carrying deadly weapons. Names began to flash in his mind: Viper, Storm and Avenger. He didn't know the significance, but somehow the names felt familiar. Almost…calming. When the three figures approached he raised his hands, not knowing if they intended to capture him or kill him.

The lead figure, a human by his build and bearing a the icon N7 on his shoulder moved straight through him, as if he wasn't real. The other two also ignored him. One was a tall man, in ice blue armor rigged with spines and unfamiliar markings. He carried an elongated rifle in his three taloned hands and went un-helmeted, his face almost avian in its complexity. The third was female, or at least whatever passed for female amongst her species for she certainly wasn't human. She moved on three long toes supporting reverse jointed knees. Her hips were wide and powerful and he found it hard not to admire them. She carried a stub-nosed gun and some sort of glowing…device…floating just above the ground at her legs. Her face was hidden behind a faceless visor of pure obsidian, but her eyes blazed brightly like two white dwarf stars. In the seconds it took for her to pass him, he felt something like butterflies in his gut.

The three moved quickly up the stairs until a group of skeletally thin bodies emerged from their concealment and opened fire. The man ducked behind a wall as the three companions opened fire. Without thinking a count had begun in his mind and he found himself whispering furiously to no one.

"Six targets. Two the left behind the statue, four to the right advancing in pairs. Three supercharged pulse rifles, one rocket launcher with fragmentation pods, one reduced range rifle, one shotgun." He whispered, each word sending pangs of pain through his head.

"Shepard, cover me!" A voice that could only have been the female called out. The man gasped and peaking around the wall. The woman was scaling the wall with swift, easy movements. The human and bird thing rose from their cover and opened fire. Two of their attackers fell, their glowing cycloptic eyes bursting.

"You don't have to hide you know." A voice suddenly whispered in his ear and the man gasped in surprise and spun. Attaal laughed at his shocked expression and swaggered boldly passed him into the open. The man watched her go, noticing the menace inherent in her stance.

"Where are we?" He asked quickly as he gingerly stepped out of cover. More shots ricocheted off the wall and he winced, "How did we get here?"

"Literally we are both in your mind." Attaal said, eyeing the scene with something like respect, "But this…" She spun, arms out wide, "This is the Citadel. The Council Chambers and this is the most exciting I have ever seen it. "

"What do you mean in my head?" The man asked. A headache began to form in the back of his skull. A hazy memory began to form, like oil on water. He remembered a bloody hallway and dragging himself along the ground…and then what? Nothing.

"You are dying." Attaal said simply, "Bleeding to death in the Spectre's head office on the Citadel."

"What, here?" The man laughed, "Another me? That's absurd!"

"Is it?" Attaal said and pointed to the three figures down the room. The human stood in front of a glowing console, typing furiously. He turned to face his companions then cast his glance at something beneath him, something in the floor.

"Make sure he's dead." The bird creature and woman leapt down and disappeared into an unseen hole in the ground.

The human let out a deep breath and removed his helmet. The unknown man gasped. The other man had his face, albeit younger. It was smoke stained and running with blood and sweat but it was his own, no question. The other man…his clone…his shadow wiped his brown and rested his rifle on his shoulder.

"H..how?" He breathed and Attaal walked to stand next to him.

"This is a memory." She said simply, "Your memory from three years ago. This is the day you and your ragtag bunch of lovable idiots saved the preening council from a Reaper named Sovereign and that arrogant bastard Saren."

"How do you know this?"

"It was on the news." Attaal said with a sarcastic smile. The man scoffed and rubbed at his temples.

"I…I don't remember any of this." He said with shaking breaths. What was a Reaper? Why was he afraid of that name? Who was Sovereign? Who were his companions? If this was his memory, how come he couldn't remember any of it?

"Like I said, your body is dying. Your mind retreated into the furthest depths of your brain to exist for a few moments before you finally give out." Attaal said with a disinterested shrug, "My guess is your mind is suppressing your memories."

"Why would it do that?"

"Too painful." Attaal said and looked at him, "I think your brain is finally done with reality."

The man stared at the Asari for a long while, unable to keep the amused grin from his face.

"You're insane." He said after a moment, "This is all just some bad dream. I probably worked too hard in the fields today and passed out or something." A horrible sound, like a fog horn built to titanic levels blared throughout the chamber. Attaal and the man turned to the plexiglass windows in time to see a massive shadow hurtling towards them. The three figures had already started running for their lives and the man found himself rooted to the ground in fear. Strangely Attaal looked disinterested as she flicked dirt out from under her fingernails. She looked up at him, offering him a cold smile, "You'll see. I'm going to be waking up any-

0000000

The man gasped awake and staggered to his feet. He was back in Mindoir, just outside his house where he fell. He turned sharply, half expecting to see the Asari in his doorway. Nothing. He sighed deeply. She must have been some sort of vision, a hallucination of one form or another. Maybe he lay out in the sun too long. Yeah that was it! A little heat sickness, nothing more.

The man walked back into his house, shutting and locking the door behind him. He made his way to the kitchen and after rooting around for a few minutes he found a glass and a washcloth. His filled the glass in the sink and wetted the cloth to wipe the grim and mud from his face. The glass his drained in one long go, then filled it a second time and drunk that just as fast. Satisfied he looked out through the kitchen mirror at the town.

The dust picked up outside and a few flags and welcome signs flowed and swayed in the wind. After a moment, the man's reflection in the glass drew his attention and his concentrated on it. His face was craggy and tan, but oh so similar to that Shepard man from his dream. He traced the lines of his face and found a small scar on his chin. He touched it.

_The alien lunged at him, its face a mask of hatred and rage. Its face was the gray of ghosts and its four beady eyes glared daggers at him. It barked something in its native tongue and lashed out with a curved blade. He jumped back but it caught him in the jaw. Blood spurted. He screamed. _

The man collapsed against the sink, gripping the chrome sides for support. The tangy smell of blood reached his nostrils along with the oily almost acidic stench of his alien attacker. He gasped for air and fixed his reflection with a hard stare. Something caught his attention. Blue skin in the mirror. He spun, knowing who he would see. She had been there all along, but his mind refused to see her. It was as if she wasn't part of this world, like she came from some other dimension.

"Shepard, you don't have a lot of time left." Attaal said, annoyed, "Time moves slowly in here, but it still moves. Your body is dying and unless you accept who you are, you can't stop it."

"I'm not dying." He countered, "I'm just a little thirsty. And you're not real so just…float away or something."

"Really?" Attaal said and took a few steps closer. Was it just him or was she favoring one leg over the other? Was her skin just a little bit paler? "Let me guess." She tapped his head, "You got one hell of a migraine building and your leg won't stop aching."

"How did…" He touched his head, trying to ignore the pain. His foot was feeling a little cold and a dull ache slowly began to build.

"I feel it too." She said and narrowed her eyes in pain, "I've melded my mind with yours. I'm here to save you, but as a result I'm feeling an echo of your true pain."

"It's just a little headache." He said and scratched his head, "Nothing I'm going to die from."

"You're wrong!" Attaal snapped suddenly and he recoiled, "Half your damn skull is broken! I saw it myself. Now end this little game and let's go. We've lingered in your little fantasy long enough."

"This isn't a fantasy. This is real." He knocked on the counter and then held up the glass, "See?" He dropped it and it shattered on the ground. "Besides if this was _my_ fantasy, I imagine you would be topless."

One cue the Asari's red plate armor disappeared, leaving her bare chest to the exposed air. She looked down and both her hands clenched in anger. When she looked up her eyes were glowing a menacing blue. He never saw the fist that connected with his jaw and sent him reeling to the ground. Attaal recoiled too, tasting bitter blood in her mouth and she spat on the ground. Her armor flashed back into existence as the man moaned on the ground.

"Do that again and I'm leaving you here to die." She snarled and for a moment her voice changed. It was deeper, more menacing yet familiar. The man rubbed his jaw and stood on shaking knees. He tried to ignore the pain growing in his leg.

"That was…."

"Utter one more word, and I'll strangle you where you lay." Attaal snarled and crossed her arms over her armed chest.

"No, I meant how did that happen?" He asked, rubbing is still throbbing jaw.

"What part of we are inside your mind was too difficult for you?" Attaal asked fiercely and put a hand to her forehead, "Shit, I don't remember you being this stupid before. How did you survive the run through the Omega Relay like this?"

"The…the Omega Relay?" He whispered and Attaal fixed him with a knowing stare. The corners of her blue lips pulled up in a predatory smirk.

"Remember?" She asked meaningfully, "You led the assault on the Collector's Base. It was a suicide mission and you somehow pulled it off."

Memories suddenly flashed in the man's head, migraine bright and he stumbled back into the counter behind him.

0000000

The ground collapsed beneath him, armored plating falling away like drops of blood from a wound. The world shook, spun. Ground became ceiling. Ceiling became ground as he tumbled end over end. He caught glimpses of tan colored steel and the skeleton of a man, but seen through a hellish lens, fade into the darkness. Its proportions were massive, with arms several meters long and a exposed ribcage of steel several spans across. Ligaments and joints glowed an infernal red or baleful blue. It screamed from broken metal teeth and clawed at the walls as fire engulfed it and it was gone.

A scream drew his attention to other figures sliding down the rapidly falling platform. He recognized the woman with black visor and white eyes. She was scraping at the ground, desperate to get a grip on anything that could stop her fall. The man felt a terrible cold in his gut and tried to angle his slide to get to her, but it was for naught. Another man flew passed him, sparks spraying from his black armor as he dove head first after the woman.

"Shepard!" The woman screamed. The man in black armor-Shepard- caught her hand and pulled her to his chest as the fell over the edge of the platform to tumbled freely through the air.

As the dust settled and steel beams fell into their new places on the ground, the man saw a hand held out before him. He looked up at Attaal's amused expression.

"Quit being so melodramatic." She said sharply, "We don't have time for these trips down memory lane." The man took the asari's hands and found that only his leg ached from the fall.

"What about the woman?" He asked quickly, casting his glance around. Attaal raised her eyebrow.

"The Quarian?" She asked and he turned sharply to her.

"Quarian…" He repeated and let a small smile ghost over his face. Attaal sighed and pointed to a pile of debris and sparkling electronics. The pile shifted as an armored figure pushed the wreckage off. It was the man from Citadel, the man Attaal claimed he was. _Shepard_.

He lay protectively over the Quarian woman, covering her head with his armored hand. After a moment he looked down at her.

"You okay?" He whispered and the Quarian threw her arms around the man's neck.

"Keelah, I was sure I would great my ancestors this day." She laughed and rubbed her mask against his cheek.

"Let's not meet them for a very long time." The armored man said with a chuckle and put a teasing hand to her hip. Watching them flirt so blatantly sent pangs of jealous through the unknown man and he balled his fists in anger. The Quarian put her around her savior's neck.

"When we get back to the Normandy, I have a special treat for you."

_Normandy_. The man fell to his knees, hands clutching his chest as his lungs froze up and his heart skipped a beat. He saw the name flash in his mind; hard white letters on a sleek black body. Names and faces flew passed, too rapid to understand. Williams, Grunt, Garrus, Mako, CIC… He screamed a pressed a hand to his forehead. Voices called out in his mind.

_Just another shakedown run. _

He tried to stand, to fight against the crushing pain. He glanced to the side, seeing Attaal on her knees too, retching dark blue blood onto the cold steel floor. His armored clone and the Quarian were gone, but her distinct voice rang in his skull.

_How could she possible develop some sort of interest in him? _

His heart fluttered and for a shadow of a moment, the pain was forgotten. Her voice was so wonderful. He could listen to her recite a dictionary and never get tired of it.

_I don't regret anything Skipper. Look after my sisters, Lt. _

Anger surged in his veins, directionless and hot as an inferno. Regret weighed his gut down like lead. Attaal had managed to get back on her feet, either ignoring their shared pain or forcing some sort of mental barrier between them. She stalked over, her heels echoing in his skull like a bell.

_I am the very model of a scientist salarian_

Guilt. It was so palpable he could taste it on his tongue. Attaal wrenched him to his feet with a growl of anger.

_I think you'd make a great dad. _

"SHEPARD!"

000000

This time his return to Mindoir was anything but pleasant. Instead of the charming hab shelter he knew as home, he emerged into a vision of hell.

The sky was bathed in a hellish orange glow. Smoke rose in great plums from fires throughout the town. Beams of white tracer fire dotted the sky from the antiquated canons he had seen earlier. Screams filled the air, accompanied by the hard retort of assault rifles and the barking laughter of monsters. The man gagged on the stench of blood and cooked flesh that hung in the air.

People ran passed him, screaming. Some clutched precious belongings, other carried children in their arms. Still others ran full sail through the smoke clogged streets. Beams of energy exploded on the ground, punching through civilians clothes and bodies. Father and sons died protecting their families. Mothers died trying to in vain calm the wales of screaming children. Figures stalked through the smoke.

He recognized them. The four-eyed pig people with their disgusting elongated skulls and black beady eyes. They carried assault rifles and shot batons, mowing down anyone who attempted to flee and subduing those locked in fear's embrace. They paid special attention to the children, shocking their tiny bodies into submission. The man hated them and wished for nothing more than a gun to fight back with.

"This the Batarian raid?" Attaal asked from nearby. She cast her gaze over the scenes of carnage, noticing the black assault craft and heavy landers dotting the sky. "Messy."

"What's going on?" The man gasped and shook her, "We have to help these people."

"We cant." Attaal snapped back and shoved him off, "They're dead. They've been dead for over a decade. This is your memory. This is your life."

"I don't want this life." The man staggered back, aghast, "How could anyone live with these memories? All the bloodshed and pain…"

"Life isn't roses and clear skies, sunshine." She gestured to where a Batarian hacked at the corpses of some men who had tried to form a resistance, "This is what made you the man you are. You endured and became a big damn savior."

"Johnny!" A new voice screeched through the cacophony of violence, "Johnny!" The both spun to see a little girl running desperately through the smoke. The man gasped; it was the girl from the photos in his house. Her hair was the color of wheat and her eyes a dull green. She threw herself at the man and wrapped her arms tightly around her. He fell to one knee, ignoring the bloody nose he suddenly developed.

"Samantha!" His lips moved on their own, and a hundred memories flashed fresh in his mind. He knew everything about this girl. About his sister. How she hated spiders and loved waffles. How her favorite color was purple and how she dreamed of being a starship pilot one day. He knew she had a crush on that boy Adrian down the street and that she named her cat Dawn.

"They…" She sniffed and he rubbed her back, cooing softly, "They shot mommy and dad! Shot them! They're dead Johnny! Dead!"

Tears fell freely from the girl's horror locked face and the man's held her tight to his chest, "Its okay Sammy. I'm going to get you out of here."

"I heard Pastor Michaels say there's a shuttle launching from the church." Samantha pulled on his hand, leading his towards the door. "We can cut through the school yard to get there."

"Okay but stay close." He called back. She pulled harder on his hand and his grip slipped. Samantha disappeared into the smoky haze and he went running after her. "Sammy! Sammy where are you?"

Fear gripped his chest tightly as he fought his way through the smoke haze. his legs moved on their own, ducking and winding through the streets. he never ran afoul any Batarian marauders, always knowing when to duck and hide, like a genetic memory of danger in his blood. Attaal stalked several meters behind him, completely ignored by everyone around her and obviously very unhappy about it. The look in her eyes was one of crazy lust and excitement, but he wasn't sure which side she wanted to fight on.

A woman's screams for mercy were cut short as a Batarian launched his shoulder mounted blades at her. The force of the impact sent her flying into a wall and impaled her, the blades sinking a full ten inches into the wall. A look of bewilderment was plastered on the woman's dead, staring eyes. more pain flashed in the man's skull. Memories of who she had been. A mother to a friend? Something like that.

A gunship flew overhead, search lights trained on the smoke clogged streets below. It caught the smallest glimpse of a child peaking through the blasted out window of a hab unit. The gunship circled around the shelter, spraying it with fire. Rocks cracked and crumbled and everyone inside was turned into a fine red mist.

Then he saw it. The steeple of the local church looming out of the smoke. He staggered towards it, just catching a hint of blonde hair disappearing around the corner.

"Shepard, enough." Attaal called from behind him, "We don't have time. I can feel your body draining away."

He could feel it too. His limbs were becoming heavy, his vision blurry and his thoughts moved slowly. He didn't care. He had to save his sister. He pushed though the pain and into the church's courtyard. The area was filled with throngs of people, shoving and pushing to get aboard. Some knew it was a lost cause and clung to one another in their final moments. Others offered everything they still had for a chance to survive.

Sammy was there, jumping to try to see over the throngs of people. The man was at her side in a heartbeat.

"Come on." He said and gripped her hand, "Hold on to me. Don't let go." Sammy nodded through her tear stained face and offered him a small comforting smile. He took strength in her trust and charged through the throng of people. Most had given up, their minds unable to cope with the horror and fear. The sat in the grass, eyes dead but hearts still beating.

When he did finally get to the front, he felt a sharp pang of ice. The shuttle was packed almost to the bursting point.

"Sorry kid, no more room." Pastor Michaels said, holding up his hand. His other hand held his Avenger Rifle, a weapon from his days in the Alliance military.

"Please." The man begged.

"Any more and she won't fly." Michaels argued back. The man knelt next to his sister and brushed the tears from her eyes. She smiled at him and he kissed her forehead. He looked back at the armed chaplain.

"Just take her."

"What?" Sammy gasped.

"What?" The chaplain repeated.

"She weighs less than a hundred pounds." The man said and fixed the pastor with a hard glare, "Just one more please. Get her out of here."

"Johnny, no! We have to stay together!" Sammy protested and his heart broke at the desperation in her voice. Pastor Michaels thought for a moment then cursed under his breath.

"Fine, but hurry." He motioned to the open hatch of the shuttle. Relief flooded the man's body and he looked down at his sister.

"Go." He said simply.

"No!" Sammy protested, "Not without you! I wont!"

"Listen to me Samantha." He knelt before her, hands on her shoulders, "I'm not leaving you. You're just getting out first. Remember how you always wanted to do something before me?"

"...yeah..." She breathed.

"Well now is your chance. You get to ride on a shuttle before I do. You get to go into space before me." He said with a forced smile. He noticed the blue shade of Attaal standing a respectful distance off.

"But I don't want to leave you."

"And you wont." He promised, "The Alliance will send help. I'll be in orbit before you know it and you can tell me how brave you are." An explosion rocked the ground and a great plum of fire rose in the distance.

"Times up." Pastor Michaels said and readied his rifle, "Get her aboard now!"

"Go on, Sammy." He whispered, "I will find you." She nodded and put on her bravest face. The man's heart surged with pride. She was so beautiful. So brave. She would be a hero one day. She would lead men to glory and unite races across the galaxy. She would save countless lives from untold horrors and earn the respect of every living being. He was convinced.

He watched his sister run to the waiting shuttle and climb aboard. She cast one last desperate look over her shoulder as the hatch closed shut.

The shuttle rose on its thrusters, angling towards the sky and the man smiled despite the scene around him. His sister was safe; he could die happy now. He felt a moment's regret in lying to her, in promising to meet her later but there was nothing he could do about it. His sister was strong. Stronger than he could ever be. She would endure and she would be the greatest human ever born.

She would be a _Shepard_.

The plasma bolt came out of nowhere, burning across the sky on bright white contrails. It struck the shuttle in the side, blasting through the hull, Metal melted as the sun-bright lance of pure energy cut through layers and layers of plating meant to protect the occupants from the void of space. The lance burst through the top of the shuttle, continuing unabated into the darkened skies. Fire erupted from the shuttle's hold as it struggled to remain aloft. Then the shuttle's core went critical and it exploded in an expanding ball of blue energy.

He sank to his knees, tears streaming down his face. "SAMMY!" He screamed, the pain unbearable. Blood ran from his eyes and ears, dripping onto the scorched earth. His leg throbbed in agony and the pain in his gut made him wonder if he had been shot without realizing it.

A cooling hand touched his shoulder and he glanced up. Attaal looked down at him with something like sympathy. The screams of town died away, bodies disappearing into nothingness. Ships faded, Batarians disappeared and flames were extinguished, leaving only a haze of blood laced smoke.

"Your sister died trying to escape." Attaal said matter-of-factly, "You were found by an Alliance patrol two weeks later. You were the only survivor."

"Why…" He whispered against the pain, "Why would I want to remember this? Oh Sammy...my little sister...Sammy..." He looked up at her, "Why do you think this is a life worth saving?" She knelt next to him and shook her head sadly.

"It's not pretty babe, but it's the truth." She said with a grim look, "We all have our secrets and ghosts. Some are harder to bare."

A long silence fell between them. Without the hard barks of rifle fire and screams of pain, the silence was almost defining. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his heart. His poor baby sister…tears of rage still stung his eyes. He tried to tell himself not to fill his heart with hatred for the four-eyes, but he was failing miserable. He wanted to make them pay.

"You said I was the only survivor." He said through gritted teeth, "You are wrong. There was another."

"What?"

"I met her." He looked up and she stared into his blood rimmed eyes, "On the Citadel."

"You remember!" She said with genuine surprise.

"Im…I'm not sure." He said through the pain, "I can see her face; hear her voice. I remember the patrol that rescued me. I…I remember…things. People, places…"

"What else do you remember?"

"…Spectres aren't trained." He stood slowly and looked steadily into Attaal's eyes. She smiled wickedly.

"No, we're chosen." She said with a laugh, but it faded with he didn't share her smile. Instead tears laced with blood continued to stream down his face.

"I remember them all." His voice was a ghost of a whisper, "Ashley. Mordin. Thane." His voice broke, "Anderson."

The guilt of murdering his former mentor piled in his gut. He knew what other would say; that he was under Reaper control, but that seemed so irrelevant. He had pulled the trigger. He had murdered all of them. Their blood was on his hands.

"Why would I want my life?" He asked, "So many dead…what's left? Even if my body survives this, what would be the point? What do I have left?"

Attaal looked at him for a long moment. Her eyes twitched and his head hurt. He could feel her mind pressing into his memories He tried to resist her but her mind was like a lance of ice through the burning pain throbbing in his skull. She knew what she wanted and held out her hand.

He looked down. A small rock had appeared in his blue grip. His heart hurt just at the sight of it. It was long, thin and a reddish brown like a desert. But it was the details that for a moment cooled all the pain of his dying body. Long, intricate black burns lined the rock. They were a flowing series of dashes, sweeping lines and marks. He reached out and ran his fingers over them, tracing each and every letter.

_The living room will be right here…_

0000000

He spun at the words, expecting to see the Quarian girl behind him. He smiled.

There she was, standing on the ledge of some barren desert world, the sun burning brightly in the sky. She stared out over a massive crater formed from orbital bombardment from the Flotilla hanging in low orbit. The air was dry and smelled of smoke and oil. She reached up and disengaged her mask.

_Right now I have this…_

She turned back to him, smiling. Her skin was pale with flourishes of light purple and pink. What few strands of hair he could see from under her hood were ink black. Her lips pulled back in a breathtaking smile, revealing a row of sharped canine and an alien tongue. But it was her eyes that drew him in. They burned like two suns, swirling irises of liquid pearl. She was without a doubt the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"I had forgotten what Quarians looked like under the masks." Attaal said with a grin, "Not bad Shepard. Not bad at all."

"This is her home world." He said. He didn't know how he knew, but he did. They both fought hard to reclaim it from…something. A Reaper. The Behemoth Reaper.

"I'd know that look anywhere." Attaal said, "Recognized it when I first saw her."

"what do you mean?"

"Life isn't measure in years, Shepard." Attaal said with a sorrowful glare, "It's measured in relationships. Believe me, I've lived very long time. Longer than I should have…" she paused and for a brief moment, he felt regret radiating off the ex-Asari spectre. "You wanted to know what you have to return to?"

"Pain." She said simply, "Pain from your injuries. Pain for the deaths of your friends and loved ones. Pains for the trillions dead, for entire species eradicated and worlds burned. It will be harsh and unforgiving. You'll want to die and you'll wonder why you didn't let yourself."

"You don't make a very convincing case." He mumbled. The Asari laughed sadly.

"What do you want me to say? That life is all rainbows and smiles?" The humor fell from her face, "It isn't. Life is pain and only the strong survive. You take what you can get."

"What did I get?" He asked, "What do I have?" Attaal turned his head to the beautiful Quarian on the cliff. Her mouth moved but no words issued. She laughed at some unheard joke and the wind picked up, billowing her hair. She closed her glowing eyes and sighed, a look of absolute bliss on her features. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to sweep her into his arm and hold her until the stars themselves burned out.

"You have her." Attaal whispered, her lips breaking in a knowing smirk, "More than most, Shepard."

"Is that enough?" He asked and hated himself for it. Attaal shrugged.

"You tell me."

He tried to focus but every thought, every memory he tried concentrate one floated away. He saw her face across a dinner table. Her eyes were bright and he knew she was smiling. She was speaking but he couldn't hear her.

She glared at him, arms folded under her chest and hips cocked to one side. She was angry. Jealous. He had gone out for drinks the Jack. He slept on the couch that night, until she had dragged him to bed in the earliest hours.

He only remembered fragments. One or two words. A sentence of a conversation at best. He knew her voice and that she hated spiders. He knew she couldn't hold her booze, but he couldn't remember her name. He couldn't remember her name!

"I don't remember her." He said through gritted teeth, "I can't remember enough. There are voids. Broken shards of memory, jagged and aaahhh!" pain surged through his skull, lancing through his brain. He saw himself pointed a gun at a friend; Kaiden. Then at another one; Anderson. He pulled the trigger. He heard his own voice, echo faint in his blood.

_This is Commander Shepard to the Batarian Hegemony in Bahak_

He felt the deaths of three hundred thousands souls crash into his mind.

_Someone else may have gotten it wrong_

He watched the Shroud exploded, taking his friend with it.

_No! No, you always had a plan. Masked life signs or an on board medical program. You wouldn't…you wouldn't just die like this…_

That Quarian! She was in pain. He could feel it like a genetic memory of sadness. He screamed; he couldn't get to her.

"You have to remember!"

"No!" He shouted back, clutching at his head in pain, "Stop! Please don't do this!"

"Remember!" Attaal shouted and shook him violently, "You were never this weak! You're a fighter John Shepard. A Spectre and big damn hero. Start acting like it!"

"I…I can't…" Blood laced through his teeth and he could feel the sickening warmth of internal bleeding filling his lungs. Blue blood ran from Attaal's lips and dripped to the ground. An earthquake shook the world, sending furnishings to the ground where instead of shattering, they faded into nothing. The sky went black as the void. The mountains, oceans and all life vanished in the beat of a heart.

"We're out of time, Shepard." Attaal said as the world crumbled into nothingness around her, "And I'm not going to let you drag me into death with you."

"I…I" He tried, but it was impossible to speak. His lungs refused to take in air and his heart refused to beat.

"If you stay here, you die. Simple as that." Attaal said quickly, "But if you fight it and come with me, you can come back. You can see her again!"

He had made a promise to her, but he couldn't remember what. He gripped his skull, fingers digging into the soft flesh of his temples. What had he promised her? A house? His fortunes? Sympathy? Love? What had he promised that Quarian girl and why couldn't he remember her name!

_Come back to me…_

That voice again, that beautiful voice. Her face flashed in his mind; ink black hair and pearl eyes. She smiled and this time he did not shy away from the pain. He screamed and clawed at the ground until his fingernails ripped off. Then…a name.

"Tali." He breathed. Attaal smiled and offered out her hand. Shepard looked up and took it.

0000000

Shepard gasped, air heaving into his lungs, burning with the effort. He felt light headed and yet he could barely move, as if he was now made of iron. Sounds rushed in, assaulting his ears like an ocean wave. Something was beeping nearby, and overheard a light fixture crackled and sparkled as it struggled to remain lit. The air was rich with the smells of many things: of smoke, cordite, overheated weapons and the tangy stench of burnt flesh. But most of all he smelled blood. That could have been because his nose was filled with a thick caked layer of it, or maybe because he was lying in a disgustingly warm pool of it. Shepard clenched his right arm, finding it the only one responsive. His fingers were slick and he rubbed them together, knowing instinctively it was his blood that coated them.

Something warm rushed up his throat and he gagged. Blood spilled from his mouth and he spat a thick wad on the floor. Suddenly as if a shield had been lowered in his mind, he became aware of the pain and screamed. His body felt like it was on fire; a wound in his gut throbbed with every breath and his face felt raw, as if the skin had burned away leaving on singed muscles exposed. But the most pain was centered on his left knee. It felt as if fire-no, lava- had forced its way into every nerve cluster and vein in his leg. He clutched at it, feeling it slick with hot blood and something protruding from just under his kneecap. His fingers glanced over it and he fell back, gasping and twitching at the horrific sharp pain.

Then something stabbed into his arm. His hand shot to the spot only for a soft, cool hand to brush it aside. A cooling sensation rapidly began to fill his senses and a darkness began to fill his vision. Shepard lolled his head to one side, feeling like a marionette doll whose strings had been cut. A hazy blue figure knelt next to him. He saw warm ocean blue flesh and the teasing hard lines of red armor. He saw an exposed naval and tight ridged muscle as he began to move his eyes up the body. Fingers snapped in front of him, forcing his eyes up to meet his savior.

"My eyes are up here, Shepard." The woman's voice was hard, but familiar. He knew that voice and laid his head back, a small smile on his face. The woman's face was blurry, but he saw the familiar red tattoo below the chin and looping trails above her eyes.

"Attaal…" Shepard mumbled and the woman laughed. But it wasn't the almost sing-song laugh he remembered from his dream. It was hard, dry and merciless. The laugh of someone else.

"Not anymore, Shepard." The woman said and Shepard blinked eyes to clear them. Her face came into focus and he stared into pitiless eyes of obsidian and a grim mouth set in a fierce, almost toying, smile.

"Ar…Aria?" He gasped and winced as a new wave of pain shot through his abdomen. The Asari smiled, but there was nothing approaching friendliness in it.

"Welcome back to the world of the living…" Shepard's eyes began to sag and his head fell to one side as the painkillers blocked out his every sense. His last thought before darkness took him was if this was reality, or was this the dream.

"Shithead."

He smiled; this was real.


	9. Chapter 9

Pain.

Pain was all he had left. Pain from the deaths of the men under his command. Pain from the death of his students. Pain from the death of his father. Pain from the Marauder round that took him in the helmet, blowing out his right eye. Pain from the memories of a Salarian and Asari holding him down as they implanted a new bionic eye in, without anesthesia. Pain from the itchy scar tissue around his new crystal blue eye lens.

Pain from the death of Liara.

This last one was the worst pain of all. Kaiden was a soldier, trained to accept the death of those under him. He knew that for every man and woman that died under his command, ten or twenty more were saved. He accepted that. Just as he had come to accept the death of his father. He pain still coursed through him; pangs of regret and anger. Kaiden remembered his dad staying home from work to take care of him when he had the flu. He remembered arguing about Kaiden staying out passed curfew. He remembered the anger and resentment he felt towards his father from BAaT. And Kaiden remembered his dad was the first person to ever hand him a beer.

Kaiden clenched his hands in anger and tried to fight back a wave of hot, angry tears. He winced, his hand shooting up to the side of his face. The spot where his right eye had once been twitched in sympathetic pain as the residual muscles tried and failed to squeeze his nonexistent tear duct. Kaiden scratched at the itchy scar tissue around his replacement eye; it was still raw and angry and throbbed with pain. He remembered one of his squad shouting his name an instant before the round took him in the head, shattering his helm and blinding him. His vision was near perfect now; part of the deal from being a Spectre and having access to top-of-the-line equipment. With a single thought he could switch his new eye to infrared or night vision. He was still getting used to the constant stream of information pouring in from his retinal scanner. He knew temperature, wind velocity, air pressure and the heartbeats of everyone on the floor. He hated it. He would kill to have his old, standard useless eye back.

Kaiden turned away from the window and the chilly 53.5 degrees London night with winds to the southwest. He grimaced at the man in the room with him, his eye feeding him an endless stream of bio data and depressing him. Kaiden sighed and sat down.

Shepard was a mess. It was a miracle he was still alive. Less than ten percent of his skin had remained when the doctors had finished peeling his melted armor off and scraping away the charred remains of his body. His left leg had been amputated at the knee; the doctors had been unable to repair the catastrophic damage done to his leg in time to prevent a deadly infection from setting in. His skull had been repaired with metal plates and six fingers were set to be cloned and replaced. Dozens-maybe hundreds- of tubes connected into Shepard's body, pouring endless amounts of steroids, stemcells and replacement blood into his barely alive body. Kaiden had overheard that few of Shepard's internal organs remained intact and the machines were literally keeping him alive until such time as the organs could be cloned.

Every race was pouring every additional resource they had into Shepard's recovery. The Asari and Salarians had contributed their top doctors and half the medical equipment aboard the _Destiny's Ascension. _The Krogan, under Wrex's direct order, dispatched their top cloning scientist to do what needed to be done for him. And Kaiden had personally requested to guard Shepard every waking hour, taking turns with a Krogan named Grunt and the ex-Cerberus operative Miranda Lawson. The council-what was left of it- had agreed as Kaiden was the only other Spectre in the Sol System and until the Galaxy was reestablished, he was the only active Spectre in existence.

A weight had settled onto Kaiden's shoulders and he wasn't proud to bear it. A year ago he was just some love-sick biotic SOB moving from one crap assignment to the next. Now he was guarding the savior of the Galaxy, and had an endless list of accolades, promotions and praise coming his way too. Kaiden was the last Spectre still standing and it grieved him. The Galaxy didn't need him. It needed Shepard. He was just the next guy in line, the man behind the man. But Shepard…Shepard was something indispensable. Something universal. Something the galaxy needed. Kaiden was just the best friend; the one who hadn't been there when he needed to be. It hadn't been Kaiden that rescued Shepard from the Spectre's office on the crashed Citadel. It had been some anonymous Asari who disappeared not two minutes after dropping off Shepard's battered body.

That had been days ago, and Shepard had been in surgery ever since. It was only now, just over one hundred hours after he had been found that Shepard was out of critical condition and healing up for his rounds of reconstructive surgery. Shepard had been under constant observation since. Kaiden sighed and gazed into his long time friend's face.

"Damn it Shepard." Kaiden whispered, "How is it that you and I are the ones who survive?" He took Shepard's gauze wrapped hand-what was left of it anyway- in his and sighed, "Jenkins…Ashley…Joker, Garrus and Chakwas…Tali…" He struggled, "Liara. Why is it that two old warhounds like us are still alive when the ones who truly deserve to live always die?"

Kaiden scratched at his eye again and gazed out into the cold emptiness of London's destroyed skyline. His thoughts began to drift; memories coming unbidden to the forefront of his mind. He remembered Shepard's dumb party and all the memories they made. He remembered meeting the crew from the Omega Relay mission. He remembered a tattooed woman jacking him in the face for what he said on Horizon, then later offering him a shot of tequila for coming back. He remembered that SOB James challenging Liara to some sort of bizarre biotics duel and Tali so drunk off her ass she took off her mask. Tali was gorgeous, as they had all always suspected. And then there were the tattoos. They had all gotten matching tattoos; personalized to some degree, but each keeping in the theme of the Normandy. Kaiden had kept it simple with a 'SR-2' on his bicep.

But most of all he remembered Liara. His friend. His lover. He remembered her playing that one song on the piano, over and over as if it was the only one she knew. He remembered asking her to dance and the blush that kissed her beautiful blue cheeks when she said yes. He remembered that thief Kasumi hacking Shepard's stereo system and playing a slow-dance song for all of them. He remembered being happy. And it was that memory, that happiness that kept him from putting his Paladin to his temple and joining Liara. Even in death, he knew no one would ever forgive him. He had a duty to the Galaxy, to Shepard and to Liara's legacy. Someone would be needed to be the next Shadow Broker.

The door to the room opened slowly and gently. Kaiden's hand went to his pistol; a nervous reflex. The figure silhoueted in the doorway gave a humorless bark of laughter at the jumpy Spectre and scoffed.

"Don't bother." She said in a cold, commanding voice, "If I wanted Shepard dead I would have left him where I found him." The figure stepped into the light and Kaiden lowered his gun at her soft blue features. It took less than a second for his new eye to scan the Asari's facial features and an the information implanted in his head.

"You're Aria T'Loak." Kaiden said, surprised. Aria gave him a mock bow.

"At your service, Spectre Alenko." She said and her voice made it clear she would kill him if he dared give her orders. Aria walked over to Shepard's body and looked down at him. Kaiden studied her for a minute, piecing together what her present implied. Aria was the bitch queen of Omega, and as ruthless and cruel as she was insane. Everything Kaiden had learned about her indicated she didn't have a single kernel of mercy in her body, let alone the emotional desire to visit someone in the hospital. A look of regret and sadness passed over Aria's features as she put a hand to Shepard's shoulder.

"Why are you here?" Kaiden asked and the Asari threw him a death glare for interrupting her moment.

"Don't believe everything you hear on the TV, Alenko." She said with a sneer, "I'm more than just bloodlust and big tits."

"Actually I read your file in the Spectre archives." Kaiden countered and Aria laughed. It wasn't mocking and toying. It was a genuine laugh.

"And especially don't believe that shit. I should know." She gave him a wink, "I wrote most of it. "

"You have access to the Spectre archives?" Kaiden narrowed his eyes.

"I have access to anything I want, Alenko." Aria replied, "So it's best to stay on my good side if you want to live."

"Are you threatening a Citadel Spectre?" Kaiden couldn't help but grin at the prospect of violence.

"I am." Aria said, her face an unreadable mask. After staring into each other's eyes for a long moment, Aria looked back down at Shepard and Kaiden loudly holstered his pistol. "How is the bastard?"

Kaiden sighed and walked over to stand on the opposite side of Shepard's bed from the Asari. He tried to ignore the similarities between Aria and Liara and the longing in his heart for his dead friend.

"Bad. Docs say its touch and go." Kaiden narrowed his eyes, "They say at this point all they can do is hope he stays alive long enough to fix what's killing him."

"How many doctors does he having working on him?" Aria asked and Kaiden was surprised there was genuine concern in her voice.

"They have the entire floor dedicated to him. Maybe two or three dozen. Plus a medical wing on the _Destiny's Ascension_. And even that is barely keeping him alive."

"He'll make it. I know he will." Aria said firmly, "He's too much of a stubborn ass to die. Besides…" She hesitated, "He has someone to fight for."

A sour tone entered Kaiden's mind and he scowled. Aria noticed his change in behavior and fixed him with a measured stare.

"I don't know if that's true anymore." Kaiden said at length, "The Normandy and her entire crew are listed as MIA."

"And that's supposed to stop the Alliance from looking?!" Aria countered angrily, "Shepard was MIA. YOU were MIA. Didn't seem to stop either of you from living." Kaiden glared at Aria and his eye twitched.

"I'm not fucking happy either, Aria." Kaiden snarled, "I had someone on the _Normandy_ too, but there's nothing I can do here."

"Well, then it sounds like you're not where you're supposed to be." Aria countered and Kaiden fell silent. He sighed and sat, staring into Shepard's peaceful face.

"Why did you come back?" Kaiden asked after a moment, "Berate me for watching over the only friend I have left?"

"I came to return this." Aria took something from her pocket. Even in the low light, Kaiden recognized it as that one rock Tali had taken from Rannoch. She and Shepard had touched and whispered over that thing for so long. Tali had proudly showed it to everyone at Shepard's party, too drunk to remember none of them could read whatever she had written on it.

"That belonged to Tali." Kaiden whispered. Aria studied the rock for a moment.

"Acutally it belongs to both of them." Aria whispered, "This." She held the rock to the light, "This is a _pay'jelt_. Literally it means 'life-name', all the names a Quarian acquires in their lives. In this context its a Quarian betrothal metaphor; the rock on which a new family is built."

"What does it say?"

"It's broken, but…" Aria studied it for a moment, "-Ar Rayya Vas Normandy Jar Rannoch. It means born of Rayya, lived for Normandy, buried on Rannoch. It's a way of expressing an entire Quarian's life in just a name. My guess is your friend Tali wrote her full life's name as a prayer to her ancestors to grant. Your friend wants to spend the rest of her life on Rannoch with this man." She motioned to Shepard, "Seems only right that she should get that."

"You seem to know a lot about the Quarians." Kaiden said after a moment. He had let the comment on what Tali deserved pass, too saddened to think about his dead friend.

"I knew a lot of them before the Geth uprising. Some of my best arms dealers were based on Rannoch. Those were good times." Aria's nostalgic smile was menacing and sent a shiver up Kaiden's spine. Before he would respond, the figure on the bed moaned loudly.

Kaiden's head snapped up and his eye fed him a stream of medical data from Shepard's stirring body. The moan that issued from Shepard's mouth was one of pain and exhaustion. Of a man who was convinced he was dead and only now realized he wasn't.

"Shepard?!" Kaiden gasped and was at his friend's side in a heartbeat, "Shepard? Can you hear me?"

"T…T…Tali…" the man rasped, his voice as dry as the deserts of Rannoch. Kaiden shared a look with Aria and sighed.

"No, Shepard." Kaiden whispered, "It's me. Kaiden." Shepard opened his one eye and Kaiden sighed in relief when it focused on him. He could see the pain and confusion in Shepard's features and his body twitched as he tried to move. "Stay still. The doctors have you on muscle relaxants so nothing tears."

Shepard gave a soft nod, "Ka…Kaiden…whe…where…is…T…Tali?" Shepard asked, his voice broken with pain. Kaiden looked up at Aria and Shepard followed his eye sight to the beautiful Asari over him. Aria held out the rock from Rannoch, the _pay'jelt _, and placed it in Shepard's palm.

"We don't know Shepard." Kaiden said at length, "There has been no word from the Normandy since the end of the war."

"H…how…long?" Shepard managed, eyes locked on the _pay'jelt._

"Three weeks Shepard." Arai cut in when it became obvious Kaiden didn't know how to respond. Shepard closed his eyes and a tear ran down his face. Several horrible long heartbeats passed in which Kaiden was convinced Shepard would simply die of grief. When Shepard opened his eyes again, they were filled with a burning fire. A commanding need.

"Kaiden." Shepard said and both he and Aria were taken aback at the clear, commanding voice he used. The pain was gone, for the moment, replaced by the spark that made Commander Shepard the legend he was. Shepard held out his hand and grasped Kaiden's wrist. Kaiden looked down as Shepard placed the _pay'jelt_ in his hands. "Find them…Find. Her."

They stared into each other's eyes. The two of them; the best of friends and brothers in arms. Kaiden tightened his grip on the _pay'jelt_ and nodded grimly.

"Yes sir." Kaiden shared one last look with Aria and stood, pocketing the rock Shepard had given him, "I'll let Operative Lawson know you're awake, but Shepard…" Kaiden sighed, "They're probably just going to put you in a chemical coma. You're barely together."

Shepard nodded his understanding, "Just…find…her…" Kaiden nodded and opened to the door to leave.

"Alenko." Aria called out and Kaiden paused in the doorway, "If you ever find yourself on Omega and want to do a public service, I might have some Red Sand dealers and slave traders you can take down."

Kaiden scoffed, "I hear Omega is a hive of scum and villainy. Might be best to take the head off and let the body die." Aria narrowed her eyes but the grin never left her face.

"Well maybe the head wants to do better for her people and you should realize how fucking big a deal it is she's asking a fucking Citadel Spectre to help her." Aria snarled through her teeth and Kaiden thought for a moment before nodding.

"I might be able to swing by at some point." He said with a smile, "Maybe clean up some of the Red Sand dealers I keep hearing about."

"I think Omega would like that." Aria said then turned away from him, "Now get the fuck out. You have a job to do." Kaiden left without another word, his boots echoing down the empty hospital hallway.

Aria turned back to Shepard and sighed, "You look like shit."

"Heh…" Shepard chocked through his dry throat, "Felt…better…t…too." They fell in an awkward silence as Aria tried to look anywhere but at the broken man on the bed.

"You did a good fucking job, Shepard." Aria said after a moment, "Couldn't have been easy."

"It…" Shepard struggled for the right words but they failed him. Instead he tried to change the subject, "H…how…is…th…the…G…Galaxy?"

"No clue." Aria said, tight lipped, "The Relays are still down and I'm stuck in the Sol system, away from Omega, so you better be fucking grateful."

"I…am…"

"Well, I couldn't let the Hero of the Galaxy die." Aria smirked, "Besides, having the great Commander Shepard owe me a favor was worth the trip." Shepard smirked under the gauze on his face.

"I…I'm sure…that's…true…" Shepard said and Aria smiled softly at him.

"Take care of yourself Shepard." Aria said at length, "When you're back on your feet, bring that Quarian fiancé of yours by the Afterlife. Drinks on the house." Aria stood for a moment and Shepard nodded gratefully.

"T…thanks…for…everything…" Shepard whispered and Aria nodded somberly.

"Don't mention it." She said and when Shepard laughed, Aria narrowed her eyes, "No, seriously. Don't fucking mention it to anyone."

"I…I…won't…Lo'Tara…" Shepard said with a smirk. Aria smiled sadly and nodded.

"Haven't been called that in centuries. Forgot how much I missed it." Aria stood as the sound of boots coming closer began to grow and grow. Alenko must have informed the doctors of Shepard's status and they were rushing to begin more procedures.

"I'll see you later Shepard." Aria said and opened the door to leave.

"Ar…Aria!" Shepard called out and the Asari stopped in the doorway, turning her head to face him.

"What?"

"I…I…saw…you…topless…" Shepard said with a grin. A deep blue blush kissed Aria's check but her fist gripped the door frame, denting it with her latent biotic energy. Despite herself, she grinned at the man in the bed.

"Shithead."

0000000

Kaiden walked briskly through the cold night of London. He had stopped to talk with Shepard's attending physicians and they had begun to scramble another series of surgeries and tests. He had already talked with Operative Lawson and she was to be Shepard's watcher until he returned. They both understood the importance of finding Tali for Shepard's health.

Kaiden pulled up his omni-tool and keyed in a special priority alliance code. Seconds passed before the call went through.

"Major Alenko?" the hard, graveled voice on the other line sounded surprised and tired in equal measure, "Is everything alright?"

"Admiral Hackett, I need a ship."


	10. Chapter 10

When Tali finally woke up, she was surprised by how easy the transition from nightmare wracked sleep to wakefulness was. Her heart didn't race, nor do her eyes dart around. There was no cold sweat, no gasping for air or cries of her lost lover on her lips. She wasn't confused, desperate or angry. She simply _was_. One moment she was asleep, the next she was awake as if this was any normal day from her far from normal life. Even still, now fully awake, Tali didn't move. She lay there for a long time, breathing in deeply and listening to the heart monitor beep rhythmically in time with the gentle thumps that rocked her chest.

Slowly the sensations of the physical world returned to her. One by one her senses filtered in. She heard her breathing, echo faint in her skull, yet raspy and soft. She heard distant murmurs, some furious and others soft and gentle. A thrill of anxiety attempted to surge through her when she noticed the Normandy's natural hum, the hum she had come to love, the hum of life every bit as sweet as her human lover whispering to her until she slept, was missing. Even as it came, she suppressed it.

_It doesn't matter. _

Her body didn't as much as ache as it did tingle. From her toes to the top of her head, everything felt twitchy and raw. It was strange; if she had been in Shepard's apartment, she would have sworn Kasumi or Jack had spiked her Champaign just to say they saw her drunk. Had she been on Noveria, she would scream and claw at her suit, convinced some of those Rachni spiders had found a way in. Had she been in the Captain's cabin, she would moan as Shepard played her body like a musical instrument. If she had been in engineering, she would chastise Donnelly for not discharging the couplings of their static charge before she set to work. But she wasn't there. She was on her back, staring up at an alabaster white ceiling. Her vision was blurry and unfocused, but she knew where she was and what had happened. She just didn't care.

_It doesn't matter. _

Tali let out a deep sigh, feeling both empty and numb. She glanced to her side, hands folded neatly over her toned abs. A blue woman sat next to her, red-rimmed eyes locked on a datapad and face lined with exhaustion and sadness. Something like relief spiked in the Quarian's mind but again she ignored it in favor of the blissfully dull numbness. When she spoke, her voice was calm and measured.

Emotionless.

Uncaring.

Soulless.

"How long?" Liara looked up from her datapad, surprise and relief obvious on her beautiful face. She took a moment to compose herself, noticing Tali's perfect stillness. It was unnerving. Tali had always been the energetic one. Even back on the original Normandy, it had been all the crew could do just to keep up with the awe-struck Quarian engineer. Tali was-had been- energy and eagerness compressed into a lithe, perfect form. The young woman's stillness could only come from unnatural control over her body and its emotions. Tali was suppressing everything. The sadness, the agony and the pitiful relief from the end of the war. Even if the Quarian's perfectly still body didn't give her away, the near robotic voice she spoke with did.

"Three weeks." Liara said softly, placing her datapad in her lap, "You've been under the entire time. Dr. Chakwas can explain it better, but you were very close to death." Liara hesitated, "There was a time when your spirit wandered free of your body. We feared you were lost. But something brought you back."

"I was…dead?" Tali whispered. Liara nodded slowly.

"Clinically yes…for six minutes." Liara put a hand to Tali's stomach and the Quarian reflexively winced before she realized there was no pain. Her head swam for a moment and she realized she must have been on more drugs than Jack the day after they beat the Collectors.

"A small piece of shrapnel pierced your lung and impeded itself in your soft tissue. We didn't even know it was there until the infection had already set it. We had to operate. We managed to save most of your lung, but there was some permanent damage." Liara sighed, "I'm sorry. If we had been more careful…you might have been up weeks ago. Instead…"

"I'm awake now." Tali said and Liara was taken aback at the clipped tone she used, "What's the status of the Normandy?"

"Tali?" Liara's eyes studied the Quarian but she refused to meet her gaze.

"The Normandy, Liara." Tali repeated, indicating to the walls. She needed something to concentrate on. Something-_anything_-to think about except…

"We crashed; we don't know where." Liara said, eyes narrowed at her distant friend, "EDI has been offline the entire time." She motioned to the AI room on the far side of the medbay, "One of her processors still had a basic charge, but we can't access it. Without her, we've been forced to make manual repairs. Adams can give you more details later."

"Who's in charge?" Tali asked. Her mind briefly lingered on EDI and she wondered if something remained of their beloved AI deep in the datastacks.

"Garrus is." Liara said somberly, "Javik and Vega have been taking recon teams into the jungles to forage for food and try to identify the constellations at night; they've met with sporadic luck."

Tali nodded, taking this all in quietly. The Prothean would be uniquely qualified to inspect a planet and the Marines under Lieutenant Vega were as fierce and strong as any Tali had ever seen. And with Garrus in charge, she knew the Normandy would be safe for a moment…_wait_.

Why was Garrus in charge? He wasn't the ranking officer. He wasn't even Alliance. Tali knew her protocol; she knew who the mantel of captain should have fallen to.

"Why isn't Kaiden in charge?" Tali asked. The color drained from the Asari's face and she looked away immediately, but no quick enough. Tali saw the glimmer in her eyes. The glaze that appeared at the mention of the human biotic.

"He…" Liara paused to wipe something from her eyes, her voice defeated and broken, "He is not…aboard the Normandy."

A cold feeling sunk into Tali's numbed body, briefly dispelling her emotionless form. Fear. Fear gripped her tightly, and she told herself it was simply the lung damage that was making it difficult to breath, "Liara, where is Kaiden?"

A long moment passed in which the only sound to be heard was the Asari's desperate attempt to muffle her sobs. Liara closed her eyes tightly as crystal tears rolled down her face. When she finally looked at Tali, her eyes were red with sorrow and her blue cheeks shimmered wetly.

"I…I fear humanity has lost both of its Spectres." Liara whispered. Tali shook her head in denial.

"No…no, not Kaiden." She whispered furiously, "How? He was with us!"

"His…his transport off world was destroyed." Liara sniffed, "His troops overrun and destroyed. There were no survivors. I…I got the report right before Admiral Hackett ordered the fleets to withdraw. There was no time to check for survivors. He…I tell myself he died quickly and painlessly." Liara let out a bitter, hate filled laugh, "I don't know if I believe myself yet."

Part of Tali broke in that moment. The veneer of quiet indifference she had created cracked, and the distraught woman she kept buried came out. She reached out to embrace the weeping Asari, letting her longtime friend bury her face in the rubber of her suit's shoulder. Tali muted the audio-port on her speaker so Liara didn't hear her sobbing too. They held each other tightly for a long time, sharing the pain of their losses.

Though she tried to fight it, a memory of Shepard floated from the depths of her mind and flooded her thoughts. She remembered Shepard asking if the price would be too high; if there would be enough left of the Galaxy after the Reapers. Tali had told him yes, so long as he lived. Shepard was the force that made everything they did worth it. And now he was gone.

Hot tears stung the Quarian's face. She had been wrong. The price had been too high. There was nothing left in the Galaxy, not to her and not to Liara. The only people they had been fighting for were lost. The Galaxy would never be the same.

Tali tried to suppress her sobs, knowing she was teetering on the edge of the abyss. If she began to mourn Shepard, to mourn the life they never had and the family denied them, she would fall. And she would never recover. She would be lost and without her help fixing the Normandy, so would everyone else.

In that moment, Tali decided not to cry. Not to mourn or ache or feel. She would exist as a means to an end. She would fix the Normandy, see her friends off this world…and then…

"I had thought my tears all used up." Liara whispered as she pulled away, wiping the last trails of water from her face.

What could she say to the Asari? Liara had spent the last three weeks mourning her loss; she had found a way to get up in the morning, a way to keep going. Would Tali ever be able to say that? Would she even want to?

Before Tali could respond , the door to the medbay ground open on low-powered hydraulics and a disheveled older woman walked in. She looked up from a datapad, new aged lines obvious on her worn face. A look of surprise and alarm crossed her face.

"Tali!" She gasped, "You're awake!" Dr. Chakwas rushed to the Quarian's side, gently pushing her back onto the bed and checking her vitals.

"How long have you been up? Do you feel any pain? How's your breathing? Fever?" Before Tali could respond, Dr. Chakwas spun on the Asari, "Liara, why didn't you tell me she was up?!"

"I…" Liara began.

"I woke up only a few minutes ago, Doctor." Tali said calmly and they both looked at her, noting her compete stillness. It was then Dr. Chakwas noticed Tali hadn't so much as protested weakly when she pushed her back to the bed.

"How are you feeling Tali?" Chakwas asked carefully. The Quarian shrugged; it was the most terrifying thing they had seen in weeks.

"I am alive." She said simply, "That is enough."

"Tali…" Liara began but the young Quarian slammed her hand into the railing of her bed, denting it.

"I said that is enough!" Tali snarled, her eyes narrowing. For a brief moment, Liara felt like she was under the eyes of some jungle world predator and she wondered if Tali was growing too violent. Liara knew exactly what her friend was doing; she was bottling up her emotions, trying not to think about Shepard. How long did it take her to even leave her room after Kaiden died? A week? More? And Liara had not been injured. Tali had been in critical condition for days. Mourning Shepard was as likely to kill the engineer as any infection. Then again, surely bottling up her grief would kill her too.

"Try to remain calm Tali." Dr. Chakwas said, gently scooping up the Quarian's hand and scanning it to make sure she hadn't broken it. She sighed; a small pressure fracture along her third metacarpus bone. Already the young woman's hand would be swelling up, but with the amount of painkillers in her IV bag, Tali would likely never feel the pain.

"I. Am. Calm. " Tali said through gritted teeth. Why couldn't they stop asking?!

"Tali, I-" Liara began but Chakwas interrupted her quickly.

"We simply want to make sure you don't tear your stiches." Dr. Chakwas said quickly, eyeing the Asari angrily, "We don't have a lot of stock left."

"Liara said there would be…damage?" Tali said and put a hand to her chest. Dr. Chakwas nodded grimly and activated a holo of Tali's body on the medbay display pad. The outline shimmered a dull purple and flickered, the power couplings of the pad shorting and refiring. The body was a riot of color; soft greens, warning oranges and painful reds. Whole sections of her body were highlighted in that flashing, angry red.

"There was some damage to your legs and arms, but your torso and neck took the brunt of the damage. Shrapnel pierced your suit and body in seventeen distinct places, the worst here and here." She indicated to two ugly red slashes, one in her gut and another between her breasts ending at her neck. Tali put a hand to her suit, feeling the slash there. Someone had repaired her suit with patchwork rubber and a welding torch, and for now it was at least air tight.

"But the most damage came from the infection in your lung." With a wave of her hand, the holo zoomed in on the lungs of the holographic Tali. A sickly yellow spread out across her entire right organ, centered on an orange slash. "We almost didn't find it until it was too late. You have Dr. T'Soni to thank for that. She has watched you like a hawk since you were brought aboard."

Tali had no idea what a hawk was, but she understood what the doctor meant. She wanted to thank her friend but the words died in her throat. Was she really grateful? Was she happy to still be amongst the living? Instead Tali simply nodded, taking this information in silently.

"You're lucky." Dr. Chakwas said, "A hundred years ago, we humans cracked open ribs to operate on the organs beneath. In your condition, you wouldn't have survived."

"Keelah…" Tali said before she could stop herself. Splaying open her body? Had humans truly been that savage?

"Thankfully we live in a more civilized time." Chakwas put a hand to Tali's side, just below her ribs, "We went in here using nano-probes and micro-tools. It was touch and go, but we…we managed to remove the infection before it spread to your bloodstream. We…" She hesitated and glanced at Liara.

"You lost thirteen percent of your lung, Tali." Liara finished the doctor's words, "It was the best we can do. I'm sorry."

Tali nodded slowly, breathing deeply. There was a tightness in her chest and she grimaced, rubbing the spot over her lung.

"In time you will adapt, but…but you may not be combat effective ever again. If we had better machinery, we might be able to help more. Certainly if we can get off this planet and get you to a real hospital, they might be able to regenerate your lost tissue but as it stands…"

"Doesn't matter." Tali said dryly. The war was over. There was no need for her to go into combat again. "When can I leave this room? I need to get to the repairs."

"Tali, maybe you should take some time?" Liara offered gently but Tali shrugged off her shoulder.

"You heard the Doctor." Tali snapped, "So long as we are trapped on this world, we can't do anything. Are my lungs going to recover by just laying here, Dr. Chakwas?"

"Well, no."

"And my other wounds? Have I healed enough to move?" Tali asked quickly. Dr. Chakwas gave a slow sigh.

"You have…but the wound in your gut was very deep, Tali. The stiches may tear if you over do it, and with you lungs damaged, you won't be able to oxygenate your blood as quickly. You'll get light headed and dizzy if you work too hard. I won't recommend you working on the repairs, but I won't stop you…just don't ever work without someone nearby. If you were to fall, you could seriously injure yourself and we may not be able to fix you a second time."

Tali nodded without listening and pushed her legs over the side of the bed. The sudden movement sent her head reeling and her breath hitched. She closed her eyes, silently raging at how weak her body felt. Her legs felt weak and her breathing labored. Still, she ignored what she could and stood on wobbling legs.

"Liara, please escort Tali to the Captain's Cabin. She can rest there for-"

"No!" Tali snarled, startling the two women, "I…I won't sleep there. I won't even go inside. A bunk on this floor is enough."

"Tali…"

"I said no Liara." Tali said and sighed, "Just take me to engineering. I have to get to work." The two Doctors shared a look, worried at the Quarian's dismissive, aggressive personality. Tali hadn't even been this aggressive when Jack and Joker had dragged Shepard to an Asari strip club on the Citadel. There was something dark growing in their once cheerful Quarian friend. Something at odds with her normal lovable, eager attitude.

"Alright." Liara said, mirroring the Quarian's anger and Tali narrowed her eyes at the unspoken challenge. Liara offered her hand to help the engineer but Tali shrugged it away, briskly walking to the medbay door. When she reached it, she slowed, leaning against the doorframe and putting a hand to her rapidly rising and falling chest.

"Tali, are you alright?" Dr. Chakwas asked quickly and activated her omni-tool. Tali waved a hand.

"Just…just a little out of breath." Tali said, sucking in deep breaths of sour air through her filtration system.

"Maybe you should rest a little more?" Liara asked kindly, her features softening some, "At least until you know your…limitations." Tali shot a glare at the Asari, fully aware of all her limitations.

"I'll rest when I'm dead." Tali said and walked into the hallway. Liara exchanged a look with Chakwas and sighed.

0000000

"James, can you report in?" Samantha Traynor spoke in the voice of a woman distracted by pain. Her headaches were always at their worst when she tired. Today she was exhausted and the stupid glow of the screen in front of her wasn't helping!

+Chica?+ The Hispanic voice that responded would normally make her smile, but all she wanted was to go lay down in a dark corner.

"Garrus wants a report." Traynor said clipped, not in the mood for her friend's playfulness.

+Dios Mio, Scars just got a report an hour ago+ James half sighed half snarled over the radio. Normally Traynor would offer a sympathetic ear, but the pain in her skull would not stop.

"Not my issue." Traynor snapped back, "Report"

+…Nothing to report, Specialist Traynor.+ James said dryly, +Scouted a few more clicks. A few creepy crawly things, one or two big cow like things. Scans warn they might be poisonous+

"Rodger that." Traynor sighed. She had received roughly the same report every few hours for days no. In the morning James and a cadre of Marines would venture out but by night they would return to the shelter of the Normandy. So far they had found a waterfall with cleanable water, but nothing more.

+It'll be night soon.+ James added as an after-thought, +We'll be returning to base in an hour or so+

"Copy that…" Traynor said, pressing a hand to her temple. A moment passed and she activated the comm again, "And stay safe James."

+Why Chica, I didn't know you cared+ James responded and for a moment Samantha smiled. The Marine knew full well her preferences, but he flirted anyway. At first Traynor had thought Vega an arrogant bastard for trying to flip her; now she realized it was how he eased tension and helped to relax the crew.

"In your dreams Vega." Traynor responded.

+Oh you have no idea. Got this one about you and this Asari dancer I met on the Cita-+

Traynor cut the link before the man could continue. Typical male fantasy, but then again it didn't sound _so_ bad. The Asari part, not the sweaty hairy James Vega part. Traynor groaned and shut down her console; she didn't need this right now. She needed to lie down. Not for the first time she wished Major Alenko was still alive. He suffered from migraines at least once a week and knew all the best places to hide until it went away.

A automated reminder alarm went off on Traynor's omnitool and she grimaced. She pulled a small medical bottle from her belt and poured out two pills. Pain killers. Some of the last left in the entire Normandy. She hated that she had to take them. There were so many injured crew, but Garrus had ordered it. She was a specialist and if the pills helped her work, they could get off this rock sooner.

Traynor popped the two pills and sipped from the plastic water bottle on the counter. She sighed as she examined the remaining pills. She had enough for maybe three more doses.

After that…

0000000

"Ay Dios!" James swore as he slapped a armored palm to his neck, crushing the little blood sucking insect there. a veritable swarm of little bastards were following the Marine recon unit, turning the stifling hot jungle world into a small hell. Annoyingly the blood suckers completely ignored their Prothean team member, either unable to penetrate his thick skin with the their spikes, or more likely unable to process what he was and how he could be food.

James checked the chronoreader on his wrist and glanced up at the orange stained sky. The sun was just beginning to dip over the mountain peaks in the distances and the temperature was dropping rapidly. Already it had dropped a full ten degrees in the last half hour and he knew from experience it would keep dropping.

"We are not making good time." Javik said in his traditional scornful tone. James suppressed a sigh; the Prothean was invaluable to the scout team, but his attitude was wearing at them.

"Yeah I noticed." James snapped back, "But if Scars wants us to trek out further, then arriving after curfew is the price we pay."

"Hopefully Garrus grounds us in our rooms." One of the other Marines replied and the humans of the unit chuckled.

"You don't have to like it; hell, I'd much rather take a nice hot shower with a few Asari twins, but we were the ones that found that waterfall and kept the crew from dying of thirst." James said as he picked a slimily leach from his forearm and used his machete to hack away more foliage.

"So we're big damn heroes?"

"Damn right we are!" James replied with a grin. The weight of his armor and weapons was becoming unbearable, even for his constitution. Garrus had ordered only minimal armor and one weapon per person; it saved on thermal clips and cleaning. Even still, the rifle and carapace armor James wore sapped his strength.

"Wait!" Javik suddenly called out, drawing his pistol from his side. James held up his fist and the team went silent, dropping low and scanning the trees. As silently as he could, James drew the Mattock from his back and flipped on his shredder rounds. On a Jungle world like this, the foliage was always getting in the way and the razor tipped rounds made short work of tree barks, vines and animal hide.

"What is it? James whispered. The Prothean touched the bloody remains of an animal on the jungle floor. Once it had been a vine leaper, one of the many mammal like creatures that called this jungle home. James liked the creatures; the reminded him of chimps, only with ash gray fur and natural bone armor on their joints. Maggots and larval insects wormed around the bloody remains, feasting on the rotting flesh. Something like a spider, with long segmented legs squirmed just under the fur, no doubt finding a sutable place for its young. Whole sections of the critter were missing, torn away by scavenger birds and rodents. The leaper had literally be torn apart .

"This creature…" Javik closed his eyes, tilting his head to one side as he shifted through the dead thing's pheromones, "Whatever killed it…it is not native to this world. Something we haven't seen yet. I see chitinous claws and segmented plates…I hear…music…"

"Is it nearby?" James whispered. The Prothean took a moment to reply.

"No." He stood and holstered his pistol, "No it has returned to its hive. And I suggest we return to the Normandy before nightfall. This world is now very dangerous."

"Markus, take some pictures with your omni-tool. Maybe there's a database on the Normandy to cross-reference with." James said, keeping his rifle close to him. Javik had never been wrong and he doubted whatever had killed the space monkey was still around, but all it took was the Prothean to misread the pheromones once…

"Okay Marines, double time but stay close. Markus, Menéndez, cover the canopy; Weston, Javik the floor. Let's get to the Normandy in one piece."

"Hoorah!" The Marines shouted. Javik simply nodded, casting a worried glance at the carcass on the ground. Already more snake like creatures were sniffy around and it wouldn't be long before one of the larger predators came to inspect. They needed to be far away from here by that time.

0000000

If Tali felt anything seeing the Normandy grounded on a remote backwater, it was anger. The lights flickered, the walls were dented and fire blackened and there were piles of rubble in every corner and along every hallway. Tali seethed at seeing her adopted home so abused as she walked. Her calculating eye took in the details instantly, noticing over a hundred repairs to make in the time it took her to reach the elevator.

Some of the crew noticed her and waved, their exhausted faces showing a small glimmer of hope at the expert engineer up again. Tali ignored them, too angry to share even a wave. The power couplings for the running lights needed to be replaced, the air filters were having trouble and from the grind of the walk in freezer in the mess hall, that needed to be fixed and soon. The crew wouldn't last long if the food supply spoiled.

Tali growled under her breath, angry at herself. Angry at the Reapers, at Liara and Kaiden and Garrus. But most of all, angry at _him_. For leaving. For dying. For breaking his promise. Tali stopped at the elevator and sighed when the display light didn't activate at her proximity.

"The elevators are still non-operational." Liara said from a few feet behind her. The Asari had shadowed her from the medbay, keeping a respectful distance but making no steps to hide her presents either. "The crew have been taking the emergency ladders. Its made progress between floors…difficult."

"Then that's where I'll start." Tali said, eyeing the closed elevator door, "Improve efficiency." She turned to the ladder hatch that would lead to the engineering floor below and stopped dead. Her blood ran cold and her lungs suddenly labored to keep her breathing.

The memorial wall had had two new residents added. They were the largest names and drew her attention immediately.

_Admiral David Anderson_. Tali felt a moment's loss. The older human had always been kind to her, even if there interactions were limited. But it was the second name that stopped all cognitive processes in the Quarian. She forgot everything, her world fully consumed by the name plate.

_Commander Shepard _

Tali approached slowly, all thoughts of anger and rage forgotten. Only a cold sinking feeling in her gut remained. Her limbs shook and her blood chilled. Seeing his name on the Memorial Wall made it…real. Tangible.

Tali touched the nameplate, tracing the pearl white letters with her gloved hand. Silent tears rolled down her face and her body shook with sobs. How could he? How could he just leave like that? Tali let her head hang low, mouthing a prayer to the Ancestors for strength and that they had taken him quickly. He had never been particularly religious and for that matter neither had Tali, but the idea of eventually seeing him in some sort of afterlife gave her a small smile.

"John…" She whispered, her voice echo faint. She remembered watching him trace the details of her _pay'jelt _in a similar, loving fashion. Then like a storm cloud blotting out the sun, Tali's anger returned. How dare he!

Tali gripped the nameplate with both gloved hands and ripped it from its mounting.

"Tali!" Liara gasped and rushed forward but it was too late. Tali broke the plate over her knee and hurled the pieces into the corner.

"No!" Tali spun on Liara, her eyes narrowing and stopping the Asari from protesting further, "Never! Destroy that thing. I don't want to see it on this wall again, do you hear me?"

"I…I hear you, Tali." Liara said softly, "We…we had a service while you were out. Some of us protested…but…"

"Be glad I was unconscious, Liara." Tali said darkly, "I would have never let that have been put up."

Tali stormed away, wrenching the ladder hatch open with an angry snarl, "What floor is Garrus on?"

"Um, Engineering I'd imagine. With Chief Adams." Liara said awkwardly. Tali nodded wordlessly and began to climb. She stopped when her torso was still visible and glared at the Asari.

"Don't follow me." She said and slammed the hatch shut behind her.

00000000000

Sorry for taking so long to update. Bit of writer's block.

Anyway, leave me a review, tell me what you think


	11. Chapter 11

The SSV _Scimitar_ had never been a pretty ship, even less so now with its scars from the Reaper war still visible on its hull. But then again, it had not been designed to do pretty things. The _Scimitar_ was a warship, Dauntless Class. Its body was long and thin with a bulky armored prow lined with guns and armored plating the slate gray of the Alliance. From a distance it reminded Kaiden of an absurdly huge hammer but with powerful engines at the base of its handle. It was an older model, retrofitted in the wake of the First Contact War to fight blow-for-blow with a new Galaxy of threats. Ablative armored plating had been welded along its port and starboard side. The bridge jutted like a spike from the rear of the battleship, its outer hull lined with all manner of antennae and sensor probes. Its main weaponry was mounted on dorsal ridges; a prototype ion cannon and laser accelerator cannon. Small rows of auto-track missile defense turrets, broadside solid shot cannons and torpedo tubes had replaced its original fighter bays; the Alliance had decided that the Dauntless Class served better as a gunboat than a hybrid Cruiser and Carrier.

Kaiden didn't care for their reasoning. The _Scimitar_ was fast and armed to the teeth. It would serve his purpose well enough. It would see him through his mission. Even though no one was talking about it, still too absorbed in post war jubilation and rebuilding, Kaiden had seen enough of the Galaxy to know that for every colony that needed help, there was a pirate fleet waiting to raid. He had spoken briefly with Aria before leaving for orbit and the bitch-queen of Omega had assured him that any raiders he encountered were acting against her specific orders for a full cease-fire until rebuilding had commenced. They would not be missed. Kaiden had smiled grimly, realizing he and Aria would never be friends, but they didn't have to be enemies.

From his spot on the Gemini orbital docks around Luna, Kaiden observed the _Scimitar_ in dry-dock repairs. Engineers from at least three races were scrambling over the hull like ants over a picnic, welding hull breaches and replacing blown out components. Out beyond the immediate dock, over forty other ships of varying size, none much smaller than the _Scimitar_, perched on docking arms. Around each craft maintenance drones weaved a slow, shifting dance as they moved silently to and from on jets of hot plasma. Some would stop, clamp themselves to the hull of this or that ship, and swing articulated arms into play. The bright glare of oxy-acetylene torches was everywhere. Fountains of sparks rained bright and brief. Amongst these heavy drones swarmed smaller figures in void suits, like ants swarming around a beetle. These were the volunteer engineer corps of the Citadel Races, the Alliance and the Outer Races. The Gemini Docks had been left largely intact by the Reapers, mostly because they were still under construction when the Reapers hit. A force of Marauders and Brutes had massacred the original crew, leaving hallways stained with blood and a half complete derelict orbital dock in their wake.

With the war over, Gemini had been retaken and what docks were complete were put to immediate use. The station was filled with personnel now, everything for Guards to Engineers to ER doctors. The living quarters had been given over to survivors of destroyed ships, rescued from their escape pods by the Quarian reclamation ships. The moderate hospital was already working a full capacity, with triage stations set up in two of the four working hanger bays. Until the Citadel was repaired, Gemini had become the center of Galactic Council and leadership. For the first time ever, every race present in the Sol System had dedicated forces to Gemini, and what they could achieve was astounding.

From the observation lounge Kaiden could see Marines escorting grav-lifts laden with supplies across the boarding bridge to be stored in the _Scimitar's_ cargo hold. Kaiden had been surprised how easily commandeering a ship had been; Shepard had all but ordered it and the Alliance and Council were more than happy to bend over backwards for him. The Normandy and its crew were missing and that warranted a full rescue mission. Kaiden clenched his fists tightly, closing his one good eye.

He still thought about Liara when he was alone. The idea that she might be alive, however remotely, was enough to keep him going. When the time came to account for his life, Kaiden would not say he had failed to search for the woman he loved. He would scour the Galaxy even if all he ended up doing was burying her body. That was at least better than not knowing.

"Major Alenko?" An accented but distorted voice suddenly spoke up. For the briefest of moments he was sure it had been Tali who had spoken; the voice had the same distorted quality of hers. Kaiden turned and huffed a small laugh. Three Quarians stood behind him, the woman who had spoken out front, body poised like a politician.

"Yes ma'am?" Kaiden asked politely. Unlike many, Kaiden had never once harbored ill feelings toward the Quarians. The woman seemed to pick up on this and relaxed slightly.

"My name is Admiral Shala'Raan Vas Tonbay." She bowed her head in greeting, "We actually met before during the retaking of Rannoch."

"I remember." Kaiden said with a nod, "You and the other Admirals were in the War Room. Tali said you were like family to her."

"My family has always been close with the Zorahs." Raan said and there was a tone of sadness in her voice, "That is why I have come."

"Oh?"

"I have heard…through _channels_ that you're embarking to return the Normandy to Earth." Raan said slowly, making it clear her sources may not have been strictly legal.

"Perhaps." Kaiden said neutrally.

"I want to come with you."

"Excuse me?" He said, genuinely surprised.

"Officially speaking, Tali is still an admiral and the Quarain people are in desperate need of her once again. We need a figure head to rally behind and Tali has been an inspiration to us all. It's fitting one of the Admiralty accompany you."

"I see." Kaiden said with a grin. It made sense and for now the Quarian Flotilla was still undergoing extensive repairs., "And unofficially?"

"Tali'Zorah is the daughter I never had. I was the first to hold her when she was born and I still remember the wondrous look she gave me. I watched her grow up into an amazing woman and it broke my heart when she swore allegiance to the Neema. I knew then her heart belonged to Commander Shepard and her place was on the Normandy." Admiral Raan advanced on Kaiden as she spoke, her voice growing more energetic with each passionate word, "I have loved Tali my entire life and I will do everything in my power to see her recovered and bonded with Commander Shepard. Believe me when I say I _will_ be aboard the _Scimitar_ for the full length of this mission."

It took Kaiden a moment to compose himself. For the briefest of moments he was sure Shepard himself was demanding to go, such was the passion Admiral Raan spoke with. The Quarian Admiral's arms were folded over her chest and her eyes narrowed. The two companions with her looked surprised at her outburst and exchanged worried glances. After a moment, Kaiden smiled and held out his hand.

"Welcome aboard Admiral. The Captain's cabin is yours." Kaiden said formally. Raan shook his hand but made a dismissive gesture with the other.

"That won't be necessary." She said, "A simple bunk is more than enough."

"Damn, I'm never going to get rid of that room." Kaiden said with a chuckle. The Quarians laughed too and it was then Kaiden studied the Admiral's companions. Raan noticed his gaze and coughed suddenly.

"Oh, forgive me, Major Alenko"

"Kaiden is fine."

"Very well." Raan said with a nod, "Kaiden, please meet Lia'Vael Nar QwibQwib and Karis'Reegar Vas Mitgar. Though still on her pilgrimage Lia'Vael is highly skilled recovery engineer." Kaiden wasn't good with Quarian body language but he was sure the pink and cream colored Quarian was blushing under her suit.

"I seem to remember another young Quarian engineer on her pilgrimage that served well."

"Indeed." Raan said with a smile, "And Karis is one of our top surgeons. No offense to the medical staff aboard the _Scimitar_, but I doubt they are well trained for Quarian biology." This Quarian wore a spotless pure white envirosuit. Numerous medical devices were strapped to her waist and some sort of scanner had been attached to her helmet. She bore a bulky backpack loaded with a full array of medical tools, some hand held, other attached to tiny robotic arms, their functions fully controlled by electo-impulses from the doctor neural implants along her helm.

"Probably not. "Kaiden said then narrowed his eyes in concentration, "Reegar…I recognize that name…"

"I…I'm sure." The woman, Karis, said sadly. "My brother, Kal'Reegar, served in the Migrant Fleet Marines. He was assigned as Admiral Zorah's personal bodyguard."

"Yeah…yeah, I remember Tali mentioning him on several occasions. Shepard too. Kal is a good soldier."

"Was." Karis said softly.

"I'm sorry." Kaiden said with a sympathetic frown.

"Don't be. Kal gave his life fighting the Reapers on Palven. The Turians have already given him every posthumous award and medal they have. No other Quarian Marine has ever been so decorated, much less by another race." Kairs stood a little taller, "I am proud of what my brother did."

"We all are, Karis." Raan said, putting a hand on the other Quarian's shoulder, "He honored no just the Fleet, but the Galaxy with his service."

"Kal often spoke highly of Admiral Zorah and of your Commander Shepard. He respected them, believed in them." Karis was silent for a moment as she looked at her hands, "Just as I believe that were he still with us, he would be here, ready to search for Tali'Zorah. I am here to honor his memory by doing what he cannot."

"Tali and Commander Shepard helped clear my name on the Citadel and even gave me a paycheck for minor maintenance work on the Normandy. I was able to move out of the Citadel slums and even secure a Class-2 salvaging license before I was recalled to the Rannoch War. Now I have a chance to finish my Pilgrimage either aboard an Alliance warship or on Rannoch herself. I owe them everything." Lia said brightly and Kaiden smiled at her. He nodded to himself several times and turned back to look at the _Scimitar_ beyond the armored viewing glass. The Quarians came to stand next to him, Karis to his left and Raan and Lia to his right. They all stared at the bulky ship that was to be their home for the indefinite future.

"Welcome aboard." Kaiden said softly, "We could sure use the help."

0000000

"Spirits, how did he handle all this?" Garrus mumbled under his breath. The door to the cargo bay slammed shut behind him and the exhausted Turrian took a moment to rest his back against the bulkhead, closing his eyes and breathing deep. Dr. Michelle had offered numerous times to teach him the human meditation technique called yoga, but he had always been too chicken shit to take her up on the offer. Well, if she was still alive and if they ever got off this rock he would make sure they spent quality time together, stretching.

But the more time they spent on the Creator-forsaken world, the less likely leaving became. Their problems seemed to be never ending, and their supplies way to close to be. For every fuse, coupling or energizer they replaced, one more burned out and a second began to short. Adams, Donnelly and Daniels were practically working back-to-back shifts on a patient in critical condition. The lights above Garrus flickered for a moment and he growled. He had always wanted his own command someday, but not like this. The Normandy was Shepard's ship and nothing he did would ever compare to what he could do. Shepard would have had her flying again with just a few sterns looks; he probably would have had EDI out of her last hard drive simply by asking nicely.

Garrus missed his friend. He missed him every morning when he woke up exhausted and dragged himself to the daily status meetings with the department heads. He missed him when he wolfed down a stale Turian ration. But it was moments like now, when the crew teetered on the edge of depression and bad news kept flooding in that he missed Shepard the most. That human had talked a Krogan Warlord into giving up a genophage cure on Virmire. Shepard would have the crew in high spirits with a single joke or well-placed sigh.

The maintenance hatch at the end of the hallway popped open, slamming into the wall with a clang and a figure as black as night scrambled down. Garrus gasped as a purple visor turned towards him and two glowing white eyes narrowed.

"Tali?" Garrus couldn't hide the shock in his voice. His friend of many years had been so grievously wounded he was prepared to add her name to the Memorial Wall when the time came. But here she was now, amongst the living and shaking with emotion. Tali advanced quickly on him, narrowed eyes seeming to glow brighter with every step. Garrus barely had time to register what was happening before a fist struck him square in the jaw. He staggered back into the wall and grunted angrily.

"Bosh'tet!" Tali snarled, her voice icy.

"Tali, wha-" Another blow, this time to his gut, winding him. Garrus gasped and sucked in a deep breath. Somehow Tali was already breathing hard and was favoring one hip over the other, leaving her off balanced and her strikes less than perfect.

"How could you?" Tali demanded. Another punch. "How could you put his name on the Wall like that?" She pulled back her arm to strike again but the pain in her chest was too great to ignore. Tali waited a moment, noticing Garrus wasn't flinching or hiding. He stood straight, eyes locked on hers, ready to take whatever punishment she would deliver. Tali sighed and let her hand fall to her side. "You…you had no right."

"I didn't?" Garrus said, eyes narrowing, "Shepard meant as much to me as he did to you." Tali flinched back at his name.

"That's…not even…"

"Argue the semantics if you want, but Shepard was a brother to me." Garrus pointed a talon in Tali's face, "You're not the only one in pain Tali'Zorah. That Memorial Wall is how we coped. How we honored the man that saved us all. I had every right!"

"But…"

"And if you don't think I had a right, then think about this. I ordered that ceremony so the crew could get the mourning out of the way. So they could be productive again, so before you convince yourself I'm a bastard, I want you to go to each and every crew member and tell _them_ they had no right to be there."

"I…I." It was too much for her. She was Tali'Zorah, Vas of Normandy. Loyalty to ship and crew was in her blood. The Normandy was her home and its crew her family. Sabotaging crew morale was tantamount to treason in her book. She couldn't…wouldn't…do that to them. To Him. Tali rested her back against the wall and slid down, feeling the weight of her years in her bones and muscles.

Garrus watched his longtime friend crumble to the floor and sat next to her. He gave a small sigh and wrapped an arm around her. Tali leaned into his embrace and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Garrus whispered, "But I've barely been able to keep the crew going. We can't afford to falter, not now."

"I understand." Tali said softly. For the briefest moments she imagined she was in Shepard's arms and she felt warm. Safe. But it wasn't real. Another man had his arms around her and it made her sick. Not Garrus himself, but the idea of being this close to another man, even just a friend, made her stomach churn. Tali pulled away from Garrus, thankful he let her go easily. She stood and brushed herself off.

"I'll…I'll go report to Adams, but I want to get the elevators fixed first." Tali said softly. Garrus stood and nodded.

"That sounds good Tali. I'm glad you came to see me." He rubbed his throbbing jaw, "Not that much, but still…" Tali smiled under her mask.

"You're still a bosh'tet." She said and he laughed.

"Listen Tali…I…" Garrus sighed, "Am I going to have a problem with you? I know this is difficult, bu-"

"Don't say another word." Tali said sharply, "I am committed to the Normandy. That's enough."

"And to the morale of the crew, Tali?" Garrus said firmly, "So…try to smile or something. Share a joke once in a while. Don't just wall yourself off from the rest of the crew."

"Is that an order?"

"Does it need to be?" Garrus countered. Tali stared at him for one long moment and Garrus stood a little taller.

"I remember a time when you would _never_ give me an order like that." Tali said as she walked away.

"I remember a time when I didn't have to." Tali had reached the door to engineering and stopped. She turned sharply and glared at the Turian.

"You're not my captain, Garrus. Don't even pretend." With that she was gone, leaving Garrus alone in the hallway. He leaned against the bulkhead, suddenly feeling much older and much more alone.

0000000

"Tali! Thank Christ!" Donnelly called out when the Quarian pried her way through the half open door to engineering. The others turned and sighed happily at her.

"Glad to see you're up, ma'am." Gabby said with a crisp salute, "You had us worried."

"Not as worried as you've made the Normandy." Adams said as he walked over. His eyes were sunken into his face and new deep age lines had formed. He looked for all the world like a dead man still walking. He pounded a fist against a dented bulkhead, "The old girl has been begging for its best engineer to fix her."

"Where are we repairs?" Tali asked as she cast her gaze over the chaotic engineering deck. Her heart sank; the room looked worse than it did after the Collector Assault. Whole sections of the wall were missing, leaving the exposed wiring and innards of the Normandy to the air. Silently Tali cursed, fully aware of what dust build up could do. Ropes of chords and wires hung across the floor, some leaking clear fluids to drip to the subdecks, others sparking in flashes of blue light as electric currents failed to catch. The lights hissed to an almost distracting level and Tali knew that if they were turned off, the would never turn on. Tools of every mark and trade were littered about the place, some worn almost to the point of collapsing. Here and there wrenches were still clamped to the walls, holding in whatever liquid was endanger of leaking. The whole room reeked of ozone, sweat and oil. The very air hummed with the energy of so many unshielded devices. She counted at least five portable generators in various corners, powering several hot night-mining lamps that did wonders to dispel the mat-red darkness of the emergency lights. But it was core itself that for a moment robbed Tali of what little breath her lungs could provide.

It was off-no that wasn't right. It was dead. Even when powered down for maintenance, Tali's visor would have picked up on the underlying currents and power levels. She could see in the way the air still shimmered around the core and she could feel the Normandy resting, as if asleep. Now the core was dead and the Normandy with it. There was no power, no radiant energy. The core was fried and she imagined that was what had been forcing the crew to operate on emergency systems and generators. The engineering team followed her gaze and it was Donnolly that put a hand to her shoulder.

"We've been trying, Tali. Believe me. Adams here doesn't even sleep above deck. He just lies on a pile of dirty rags in the corner." He said and the older engineer snorted.

"One time." He said and rubbed his head. Gabby giggled slightly but a glare from her boss shut her up.

"You know this ship inside and out. If anyone can get her running again, it's you." Adams said and Tali nodded.

"I'll do what I can." She said softly. Before she could ask more questions, the door to engineering opened ever so slightly on what little power it could be afforded and a woman in oil soaked clothing pushed her way in.

"Christ, Adams, are you trying to rip my top off?" The woman sighed as she forced herself through the crack in the door frame.

"Don't harp on the Chief, Allers. The Normandy wasn't designed with a woman of your…dimensions in mind."

"Gabby, smack him for me." Allers said with a grin and her friend smacked the Scotsman in the head.

"Oww, lass, whaddya' do that fer?"

"Cause you spend half your time ogling Diana's tits instead of rewiring the couplings in the CIC."

"I told ya', I can't without a magnetic grappling rod, and since you've got the only one…"

Tali let the familiar arguing of the two fade to the background, satisfied that at least _that_ part of this room sounded right. But the silence was horrifying. Back on the orginal Normandy, the silence had been unnerving and she had often slept in the core room just to hear something. That was until Shepard had insisted she take a sleeper pod. He had recorded a full thirty minutes of various ship noises on his omni-tool and sent the file to her, so that she could loop in the audio-receivers of her helmet. She still had the original file. There was a brief few seconds when Kaiden had asked Shepard was he was doing. Shepard's reply had been the first step to falling in love with the man.

"_Making sure Tali feels comfortable." _

It was those words more than anything that had eased her to sleep on so many nights. Tali shook her head clear of those thoughts, trying desperately to dismiss the pain building in her guts and heart. She would never hear his-

No!

Tali stepped closer to where Allers and Adams were conversing over a datapad, desperate to force her own thoughts away.

"Allers, it's good to see you." Tali said suddenly, awkwardly. The two looked up from their pad and Allers gave a small smile.

"You too Tali. The crew has been so worried about you. Must have done them a hell of a lot to see you up again." She said and Tali felt a spike of guilt. She had barely spoken to anyone. She was ignoring the crew because of her emotions. She was breaking the one unbreakable rule of the Quarian flotilla.

"I'm surprised to see you in engineering." She said, hoping she didn't sound condescending. Allers had always stricken Tali as the type of woman willing to drop her pants and bend over if it got her the story she wanted. Though she couldn't prove it, Tali was _sure_ Aller's had tried to get into John's pants on more than one occasion. But here she was, as exhausted and dirty as any grease monkey, face covered in blemishes from grease smears and hair caked with oil and grime.

"Well, serving aboard warships doesn't give me access to many repair facilities and my producers would never accept 'my droid is broken' as a good enough reason for not getting footage or an interview. I've learned more than a few things in my travels."

"Miss Allers here has been helping with some of the…less technical… repairs." Adams said carefully but the woman laughed off his show of politeness.

"Oh don't bother, Adams." She said cheerfully, "I don't have the training the others do, so I do the piss easy work so they can handle the hard stuff. Keeps me plenty busy."

"It's the little details that matter." Gabby said from where she swiped at some pipes with her omni-tool.

"Allers got the hot-water heater back online while we made sure the air filters kept out the little fungal bastards this planet keeps trying to get in." Donnolly said and then smiled, "Guess which one of us was called a hero that night at mess?"

"First rule of morale, hot meals and hot showers." She turned to Tali with a smile, "Works wonders."

"Water is still rationed of course." Gabby said, "Dr. Chakwas uses most of it to clean out wounds. The rest is divvied up among the crew as a lottery; Garrus pick two or three names from a helmet in the morning. Those few get sixty seconds of hot water. Most of us get a shower once a week."

"I got picked twice in one week." Donnelly said, "Gave my other ticket to Miss Traynor. Was sure the lass was gonna kiss me. "

"Maybe if it had been me. "Allers teased, "Or Daniels."

"Now there's something I'd like to see."

"Don't even think it." Gabby warned, eyes narrowed.

"What? Not into women?"

"No. I'm into hairy, sweaty Scotsmen who keep their big fat mouths _shut_." The crew laughed, even Tali offering a toothy smile. Keelah, how she missed the crew. They had been stuck on this hellish world for three weeks, but their spirits seemed undimmed even if their bodies were. They hadn't let the depression get to them. Tali took a deep breath to calm the beating of her heart and tried to focus on the tasks at hand.

"Point is, until we get the core up and running again, we can't recycle out water supply. Or our air and we're running low on filters."

"Or power the elevators. Or the CIC." Gabby added.

"Or the fucking doors." Allers said under her breath and Tali felt her respect for the woman rise a notch.

"Give me a list off all the tools we still have and every spare part not slotted for replacement somewhere on the ship. " Tali said quickly as she turned to the engine core. If she had sleeves, she would have rolled them up. Instead she cracked her neck and hands, rolling her shoulders out and flexing her fingers.

_Time to get to work. The sooner I can finish, the sooner I can be done…with everything. _

0000000

Kaiden strode onto the bridge of the _Scimitar_ with the stride of a man who knew what he wanted and how to get it. The crew had made to stand and salute, but he dismissed the formalities with a curt gesture. Shepard had never been one for salutations and Yes-Sirs, and his crew had been the most effective in the entire Galaxy. Kaiden would not say he hadn't learned anything from his old friend.

The bridge was remarkably different from the Normandy. There was no singular pilot. The _Scimitar_ was a battleship, not a frigate. It was as unwieldy as a charging bull. Three helmsman sat at virtual consoles, two humans and one asari. They were running through last minute checks, but mostly they were waiting for their captain to give the order to launch. The crew was just as eager to find the Normandy as he was.

"Everything check out?" Kaiden asked from behind the helmsman. One of the humans, a young woman, looked up.

"Yes sir. All decks are reporting ready."

"And our Quarian guests?"

"Admiral Raan is already set up in the level three barracks. Dr. Michelle said she was happy to had Dr. Reeger added to the roster and Chief Engineer Scott seems happy enough with his addition."

"Good. How long until we can break dry dock?" Kaiden asked, eager to get underway.

"Last provisions are being stored now, sir." The Asari, a young huntress at the dawn of her career as a pilot, said smartly.

"Alenko is fine, Shi'Rha." Kaiden said as he turned and walked away. He pretended not to hear the others tease the young Asari, glad the crew seemed to already be bonding. Kaiden made his way smoothly to each station, making sure everything was ready. Finally he reach his command seat and a red-headed young woman who had waited patiently by the chair while he conducted his inspection.

"Final roster list and official orders from Admiral Hackett, sir." The woman said, her voice perky and her face smiling. Still, Kaiden noticed a deep fear in her eyes as her view darted around the room, settling on the emergency exit often. A thin bead of sweat had formed on her forehead and she nervously whipped it off.

"Everything okay, Yeoman…?"

"Chambers." She said with a crisp salute, "Yeoman Kelly Chambers, at your service sir."

Kaiden quickly scrolled through the roster and found her name towards the bottom. "Says here you put in a special request to serve here, and yet it seems all you want to do is leave."

"Sorry, Sir. I just-"

"Alenko works. Or Kaiden if you prefer less formal." He said with a smile. The woman's eyes lingered over him for a moment, a look of calm passing over her worried face.

"You're just like him." She almost whispered.

"Who?"

"Commander Shepard. He said that exact same thing to me aboard the Normandy when he first came aboard."

"You served on the Normandy?" Kaiden asked, rescanning her service file. It was impressive; several posting at remote outposts, each with a commendation for excellence. And degrees in phycology, philosophy and xeno-cultural relations to boot!

"I was Shepard's Yeoman when he worked with Cerberus against the Collectors." She paused and took a deep breath, "After the mission, I swore I would never set foot on a starship again. I was abducted by the Collectors, but Shepard saved me. When I heard the Normandy was still missing…well…I came out of retirement so to speak." She smiled weakly, "Tali and Gabby Daniels are very close friends of mine. I want to help."

"Glad to have you aboard." Kaiden said with an honest smile, "You're a credit to the uniform. " At this the Yeoman blushed and made a show of searching through her console screen for some file or another.

The door to the bridge opened smoothly and a woman in orange and white armor strode in. Her face was hard, with short blonde hair and scars crisscrossing her nose and cheeks. Two eyes of cold obsidian regarded Kaiden for a brief moment and what he assumed was a smile crossed her battle-worn yet youthful face. Kaiden returned to, pleased to see a familiar face.

"Sir." She saluted smartly

"Captain Riley" Kaiden held out his hand and she shook it firmly. "What on Earth are you doing here?"

"I heard you were looking for the Normandy." She shrugged, "Turns out commendations from two Citadel Specters gets you whatever deployment you want. And its XO Riley now." Kaiden smiled, impressed. The woman had aged it seemed since he first met her all those months ago on Cyone, but the fire in her eyes was still there. She had shown remarkable potential, being able to remain calm and think quickly under fire. Kaiden had gladly written her a commendation, only later learning Shepard had written a second, equally glowing one himself.

"It's good to see you again, Lee." Kaiden said after a moment and his new XO seemed to relax some. She had also noticed the Yeoman eyeing her out of the corner of her eyes.

"You too Kaiden. How's the eye? That had to have hurt like a bitch…" She indicated to her mirror eye of his replacement. Kaiden touched his blue augment eye and winced, the flesh still tender.

"It's taking some getting used to, but I can see. That's good enough for me." Kaiden said with a shrug.

"Gotta have some uses, though…"

"Well, lets me know the temperature outside and the wind speed."

"Huh." Riley folded her arms over her chest, "Tell you how hot I am right now?" Kaiden offered her a toothy grin. The woman's advances were nothing new, and truly she was not hard to look at. But his heart would always belong to his fey blue Liara. He was aware of Kelly Chambers coughing at the XO's bold tone.

"Nice try, Riley. " Kaiden said with a grin and the captain shrugged.

"Major Alenko, all lights are in the green." Chambers added from her spot at the side of the command chair. Kaiden's features hardened and looked at Captain Riley. The smile had also fallen from her scared lips, replaced by the Marine Captain who had earned the respect of two Specters. She nodded; to business then.

"Understood." Kaiden said and walked over to his chair, "Kelly, open a com to the crew."

"Com open, sir."

"This is your Commander speaking." Kaiden said after a moment to compose himself. The entire bridge had gone quiet to watch their captain. "You've all come from different places. Some of you were already stationed aboard the _Scimitar_, some of you volunteered to come and others were ordered to report to some old warhound in dry dock."

Some of the crew laughed at this and he smiled before continuing.

"Regardless of where you come from, we're all going the same direction. To the Normandy. Humanity needs its heroes. The Galaxy needs its heroes. _Shepard_…needs his heroes. The war may be over, but our trials are not. We won't let the Normandy die alone and forgotten in the void. No matter where they have fallen, we will pick them up. We cannot fail.

"The Normandy and her crew must be returned."

0000000

Hours passed. Shifts began and ended. The lights dimmed and flickered periodically. Tali endured it all, kneeling on pads in the guts of the Normandy's Tantalus Drive Core. It was a thing a beauty, one she had only ever seen a few times. On the original Normandy Adams had shown it to her after the Battle of the Citadel and a second time she had inspected it on Illium after the Collector's assault. The humans may be the most recent addition to the Galactic community, but damned if they didn't know how to build a drive core. And wreck it completely.

Adams had done an admirable job repairing what he could, but he was just one man and there were certainly hundreds of other tasks. Tali was not a human though. She was Quarian, and well accustomed to the Flotilla's thirty-hour days. Working straight through human work shifts had never been a problem for her. Still even her constitution was being tested and she was well aware breathing was more difficult. More than once she had been forced to rest against a bulkhead or sit on the floor, waiting impatiently for her dizziness to pass.

Tali stretched her arms, feeling her tired muscles pull and twitch at her movements. She had just finished replace the photon absorption filters, ensuring if-when- the engine was powered up, the accelerated ions didn't chip away at the machine from the inside out. Already she had replaced the conduits for the beta-wave stabilizer and asked Adams to search for a replacement for the cyro-synchronization tubes. She didn't hold out much hope and without them, they would be forced to bleed excess heat to the void, keeping them from entering FTL space. A starship couldn't have open vents traveling faster than light. The super-charged particles getting in would blow the ship to astro-dust. The flight home would be a long one.

Tali snorted at her own sentimentality. She didn't have a home, not anymore. Rannoch wasn't her home anymore than the Flotilla or even the Normandy. Her home had run off to get killed aboard the Citadel. Her home lay broken in pieces next to the Memorial Wall. Her home was lost. Tali sighed angrily and shoved off from the wall. She was about to set to work again, needing to weld the anti-matter containment filed generators back into place when a hand knocked on the side of the empty core. Tali started at the interruption and poked her head out the maintenance hatch.

"Hey Tali." It was Diana Allers, apparently back on duty again after her off-shift. She held out two sealed tubes. "Chakwas says you need to take these." One looked like pink nutrient paste, the other like water but on closer inspection she was slight shifts in the clear liquid, like equally clear oil had been added to the mix.

Tali snatched the tubes, suddenly very hungry. She popped the cap of the pink sludge and attached it to her helmet and began sipping.

"What is it?" She asked by way of an afterthought.

"Amino Acids, proteins and vitamins." Allers shrugged, "and the water is laced with a mild pain killer and antibacterial stuff." Tali nodded wordlessly and continued consuming ravenously. She attached the water tube to the second induction port and drank half of it in one go. The fire that had been building in the back of her throat was finally quenched.

"Thanks." Tali said curtly but not rudely. Allers gave a small smile and sat down outside the core.

"Listen Tali…I'm…" Allers began slowly, "I'm sorry for you loss."

Part of Tali wanted to slam the hatch shut then and there. She wanted to repair the core and she wanted to still be inside when it activated. That she knew would be an instant, painless death. But even as the words to tell Allers to fuck off formed in her mind, she relented and didn't voice them. Garrus would not approve. Raan would not approve.

_John would not approve…_

"Thank you." Tali said through gritted teeth. She made to return to her work but Aller's reached out a hand and touched her should. Tali wanted to swat it away, but instead she stopped and turned to face her.

"Listen…I've…been working on a side project of sorts and I've called some of the crew down to screen it. It would mean a lot to me and the rest of the crew if you were there."

"Why?"

"It's about you in a way. It might off you some closure."

"I don't want closure, Allers. I want to work. I want to leave this world."

"The Normandy has been grounded for weeks. One shift, even with you, isn't going to change that. You need to rest the same as all of us." Allers said firmly yet softly, "Please Tali…" the Quarian sighed and looked at the welding torch in her hand. The blue flame hissed with compressed gas for a moment before flickering off.

"Alright." She said softly and let Allers help her out of the core. "Where are we going?"

"The lounge." She said as she led Tali out of engineering. Tali noticed the others weren't at their posts and guessed they were either asleep or at whatever meeting Aller's had called. Allers forced herself through the half open door, cursing again and readjusting her bra and shirt. Tali felt a moment jealousy that she fit through the gap with empty room to spare.

As they walked and climbed the ladders up the floors, Diana Allers talked.

"I told Shepard before we went to Earth that if by some miracle I survived the war but he didn't, I would give him a Bekenstein Wake." She said. Tali's heart hurt in her chest and she toyed with the idea of sliding back down to engineering. But she had promised-no, she had been ordered- to keep her mood in check so she kept climbing.

"None of alcohol survived the crash. Probably for the best, really. Depressed men with free time, drinks and nothing to lose are not the types of men you need to be trapped with. But I'm a woman of my word, and Shepard deserves something."

The finally reached the third deck and Tali rested against the wall to catch her breath. "But…but I thought the crew had…had already…"

"That was a formality. Military Regs and all." Allers said as they walked. Tali deliberately ignored the empty plaque on the Memorial Wall and followed the reporter to the Normandy's lounge.

When the door opened, Tali had not been ready for the mass of people standing there. It seemed like they had jammed half the Normandy crew in there and Tali quickly shut off her suits olfactory sensors, not willing to smell what the room was like. She imagined the others were used to it by now, but she wasn't and the stink made her guts twist.

Tali stepped inside, finding a spot waiting for her next to Liara. The Asari offered a small, sad smile. Most of the crew was there; James Vega, Traynor, Garrus, Joker and Chakwas. She saw Cortez in the corner, next disinterested Javik and Gabby and Donnelly sharing a small seat in the other corner. There were others too, from the bridge and various departments. Their muffled conversations felt silent as Tali entered and she quickly took her seat, unable to bear the sympathetic looks they were giving her.

"We're all here, Allers." Garrus said in his rough, over tired gravelly voice.

"And thanks for coming, Garrus." She snipped back and Joker grinned at her disrespect.

"Think Scars wants to know why we're here." James put in. Allers sighed deeply and looked around the room.

"You're here because I have something I want to show you." Allers activated her omni-tool and small projector came to life, "I gave up my camera droid to engineering for spare parts, so I've had to remaster this by hand with my omni-tool." The projector stared, throwing an expanding beam of light on the far wall.

"What is it?" Liara asked curiously.

"An interview. One I never got a chance to air." Allers said softly.

"Why?" Tali asked.

"Believe me, I don't know." Allers responded with a sad smile, "I'm not one for Fate or anything like that, but when I saw this footage, I just couldn't send it away. I was going to have it played at out victory feast…but that won't be happening, and you were all his close friends. You deserve to see this."

Tali's heart hammered in her chest, sending painful throbs through the scars forming on her body. The wound in her gut felt like it was throbbing with a life of its own and Tali grimaced behind her mask. The Normandy crew had given her a wide berth, each fully aware of her rising blood.

The image crackled for several long moments, the projector operating at three-fourths power. The camera zoomed in and out as it bobbed above two figures; obviously it had been shot with Aller's camera droid in the Captain's Cabin. The image focused and Tali's breath caught in her throat.

It was him. Her Shepard. The man she had fallen hopelessly in love with. The man who had saved her at every turn and asked for nothing in return. The man who held her when she was sick and nursed her to health when she was hung-over. The man who took her virginity and promised her a home. The man who was her best friend. The only man who would ever understand her.

Time seemed to stand still for the Quarian as the pic-recorder focused on Shepard. He smiled his charming half smile and Tali could tell by his face he was tired. But his eyes were alight and focused; had they always been that blue? Or was that just post-production work from the camera? Tali couldn't remember. She couldn't remember his face outside this recording. It was as if this little interview was her only window to the man she loved.

"_Commander Shepard, thank you for taking time to see me_" the recording of Diana Allers said politely and Tali tried not to bristle at the overly comfy tone the woman used. When had she even interviewed him? Tali had watched over her human like a girsegul bird, well aware the lustful stares he got from some of the crew.

"_It's not a problem Allers_." Shepard's voice was like honey to Tali's ears and she closed her eyes as he spoke, letting his deep gravelly voice send shivers down her spine and into her lower regions.

"_Why you keep me around, huh?" _

"_Exactly." _

The crew had gone dead silent watching their fallen commander. Some kept their chins up, faces impassive and eyes set while others whimpered and let tears roll down their faces. Tali had always assumed none of them could feel even a fifth of what she felt…now she wasn't so sure…

"_Commander Shepard, the Reapers seem to be unstoppable. How can the Galaxy possibly hope to beat them?" _

"_By standing together, Diana. If we let interspecies feuds tear the Galaxy apart, we might as well give the Reapers our lives on a silver platter." _

"_Is that why you cured the Krogan genophage and ended the Quarian-Geth hostilities?" _

"_One of many reasons, yes. The Krogan deserve a chance at redemption and the Quarians deserve to be treated with the same respect as any other race. This war has shown us how petty our rivalries are." _

Tali felt tears rolling down her face and a sad smile on her lips. Every time she heard him speak with such respect about the Quarians sent fresh waves of tears to her. Even her bastard of a father would have fallen under the Shepard spell eventually. People, planets and entire races followed him almost without question. He was a fulcrum; a turning point for the entire Galaxy. In her younger years, Tali had believed in Flotilla first and everything else second. That had been her life's philosophy until she had met Shepard, then everything had changed.

"_Some would argue that was appeasement, Commander."_

"_Something wrong with that?"_ Shepard asked with a sly grin, _"The Krogan and Quaraians and even Geth get what they want. In return I get armies of Krogans and the entire military might of the Geth and Quarians. Sounds like a win-win to me. "_

"_The Salarians would argue otherwise. Rumors are they are refusing to participate in joint-species operations." _

"_I don't wish to say anything bad about the Salarians, but I do wish they would reconsider. The Reapers aren't going to leave them alone simply because they refuse to fight alongside us." _

"_I'm sure many viewers would agree with you, Commander. Tell me Shepard, this war is literally the largest the Galaxy has ever seen, and as you've stated in more than one interview, you're only one man. Yet the Galaxy looks to you to be their savior. How do you stay…grounded…with the weight of despair and death?" _

"_Well I'm not looking to be a martyr, so when I'm not on missions, I look to my friends. They pick me up when I stumble and they always have my back. People like to see me as some great savior and I'm not. If I'm anything, I'm just the tip of the spear. I have an entire ship to back me, support me. I wouldn't be anywhere with friends like Garrus Vakarian or Liara T'Soni. And if that's not enough, I think about what I might do after the war…after everything has been set right." _

"_Really?"_ Aller's recording was obviously pleased at this new talking point and Tali felt her pulse quicken. _"I'm sure the Galaxy is aching to know Commander, what do you want to do when the war is won." _

"_Retire."_ Shepard said with a chuckle and Diana Allers chuckled with him, _"I figure I've earned it."_

"_That you have Commander Shepard. Anything in particular?" _

"_I want a family. A wife, couple of kids, house…a life away from war." _

Tali's breath caught in her throat and she let out a shuddering breath. A cold feeling gripped her and the wound in her gut seemed to ache even more. She put a hand to her chest, hoping to calm her racing heart and her blood-rushed head.

A wife

A house.

Kids! _Children_!

The ideas hit Tali like a sledgehammer. She had always assumed her engagement to Shepard had been a thing for show. She never imagined he wanted a ceremony. To legally bind himself to her. The idea was thrilling; beyond anything she had imagined before. And a family! She had never spoken to him about it but…she had always hoped…always wanted…

Tali's chest was tight and breathing was becoming exceptionally difficult.

"_Now that's something! I find it hard to believe the great Commander Shepard wants to be a family man." _

"_Believe it Allers. I want it all; Grill outside, a dog, maybe a swimming pool. Everything. I want the most dangerous thing on my to-do list to be fixing a roof tile, not fighting a Reaper" _

"_So…are you in the market, Commander? I'm sure plenty of viewers would love to know if the Commander Shepard needs a date." _

"_Thanks, Diana, but I already have someone."_ Shepard said with a grin, waving off Aller's clumsy yet understandable advance, _"A woman who has been with me since I first became a Spectre. A woman who has placed unlimited faith in me and has earned the Galaxy's and my respect a hundred times over." _

"_Someone on the Normandy?"_ Aller's asked coyly, _"Maybe…down in Engineering?"_ At this, Shepard smiled and Tali felt her heart melt. Tears poured freely down her face, but whether it was from happiness or sadness, she couldn't tell. She was simply overwhelmed.

"_Maybe."_ Shepard said with grin. It was then Tali noticed her picture, the one she had given Shepard after Rannoch, was in the background of the shot. She wondered nervously if anyone could make it out.

"_Rumors have circulated about you and your…friend." _

"_Why don't we call her Ms. Normandy?"_ Shepard asked with a knowing grin. Both the recorded Diana and the real one laughed. Liara gave Tali a playful push but the Quarian didn't look away. She couldn't. _she was utterly transfixed on the recorded Shepard. Her last link to the man she loved. _

"_Clever. Fine, care to give us some juicy details about you and Ms. Normandy?" _

"_Details? No, I'm pretty sure she'd kill me, suffice to say I am a satisfied man." _

At this the crew laughed.

"Still got your shotgun Tali?" Garrus called out but he too was ignored.

"_But I will say this. I love her, more than anything. The idea of being with her, marrying her and raising children with her, gives me hope. It gives me the strength to carry one when I feel like collapsing. I will keep fighting until my dream of living in peace and happiness with her becomes a reality. I would tell anyone, from the Citadel Council to anyone who feels forgotten in some foxhole in a backwater colony, don't give up. Fight. Fight for your loved ones and for the future you want to leave your kids. Stay strong. That's what I'm doing Allers, and it's kept me alive this long." _

The recording of Diana Allers stepped in front of the camera droid, raising her omni-microphone up, _"There you have it, BattleSpace. Words of encouragement from Commander Shepard himself; fight for you loved ones. He sure is. _

_I'm Diana Allers for BattleSpace. Thank you and in the words of Commander Shepard, stay strong." _

The recording died to rapturous applause from the crew. Some whistled, some hammered fists into tables and bulkheads. Allers stood up and raised a glass of water.

"To Shepard."

"To Shepard!" The crew echoed back. Tali glanced at Liara who had voiced the words and drank from a plastic bottle. Tali felt her vision narrowing, eyes turning red and blood rushing. She stood quickly, ignoring the dizziness she felt and stormed out of the room.

"Tali?" Diana and Liara called together.

"I'll go get her." Liara added quickly, "Probably went to get a sterilized water tube from the kitchen."

Allers nodded, though her worried gaze remained. The crew had already fallen into telling stories about their fallen commander, but some had noticed Tali's abrupt exit. Garrus shared a worried look with Liara and Allers. Liara quickly followed the Quarian into the hallway, but she was nowhere to be seen. The hallway was almost dead silent until Liara heard the unmistakable _clink clink clink _of feet on a ladder. Liara scrambled over to the maintenance hatch and glance down.

_Nothing_.

Her gut tightened and she glanced up.

"Tali!" She called but he Quarian was already at the top rung. She heaved open the hatch to the Captain's deck and was gone from sight. Liara scrambled quickly after her, increasing her speed when she heard Tali grunt as she pried open the doors. By the time Liara was at the top rung, she could hear screams of anger and glass shattering from inside. Liara leapt across the antechamber and into the room proper.

Shepard's glass alarm clock lay shattered on the floor at Liara's feet. She looked up. Tali was at the side table, studying a picture in a frame. Even from here Liara could see the Quarian was shaking. She heard glass crack.

Tali looked down at her own photo in absolute rage. Her breathing was ragged and her brain surged with pain.

_A wife. _

_A house. _

_A family!_

It was too much for her. The picture frame cracked again, the omni projected photo sparking and winking out of existence. She hurled the sparking frame against the wall, shattering in. pain surged in her gut but she ignored it.

"Listen Tali, Allers didn't mean to upset you." Liara said softly as she approached, "She just-"

"Allers didn't do anything." Tali snarled under her breath, "That bastard did. He kept being nice; kept respecting me." She rounded on Liara, "He made me love him. When I told him how I felt, he said he felt the same! He welcomed me into his bed, into his heart!" Tali looked down at the bed, the bed she had lost her virginity in. The bed she had consummated her love for Shepard a dozen times over and she felt sick. "He lied to me! He promised he would return. That…that he loved me. He lied, Liara. He lied."

"That…that wasn't the way of it." Liara said cautiously

"Then why?!" Tali screamed, throwing her hands over the nearby table and scattering its contents to the deck. Liara flinched at the sound but took a heavy step towards her friend. "Why don't I have a husband? Where's my house? Where's my daughter?! My son?!"

"Tali, these things they-"

"Things?" Tali rounded on the Asari, "You mean John? You mean my dead human lover! He was not a thing Liara! He. Was. Mine!"

"Yes." Liara said sadly, "Yes, Shepard's death…it-"

Tali screamed in rage and tore across the room, tossing chairs and datapads to the floor. She hammered her hands against the wall, cracking the blue glow of the fish tank. She looked around, noticing one of Shepard's spare helmets on the floor and surged at it. She picked it up and for a moment went still, studying the familiar N7 coloring. She put a hand to the glass visor, smiling under her mask. This had been the helmet he wore at her trial on the Flotilla. He wore this helmet when he comforted her at her father's death.

Then like a bubble her memory shattered and she roared in sorrow and anger, throwing the helmet into the glass display case. The glass shattered, spilling Shepard's models to the ground, shattering them beyond repair. Tali watched the toys break, some breaking into hundreds of pieces and others wavering on their mounts. Tali watched the miniature Normandy waver for several horrible moments before it tipped and fell.

Tali broke when it hit the ground. She screamed loud and long, hammering the walls with her fists and breaking everything that could be broken.

"Why me?" She cried, "What did I do?!"

"This isn't punishment, Tali." Liara said softly but she was ignored.

"All I wanted was a husband. A family. A home!" Tali wailed, dropping to her knees, "Was that too much to ask?"

"Tali…"

"Tell me Liara!" Tali snarled and ripped the glass visor from her mask. Liara gasped. Tali's pale features were streaked with tears and her eyes were sunken and hollow. "What was wrong with my dream? You believe in your Goddess. Ask Her! Why…why couldn't I have a home? Why couldn't I have…John."

"I…I can't…" Liara stuttered, her own tears threatening to spill over.

"Why me?" Tali whispered, resting her head on her knees, "What was wrong with my dream"

"Tali…" Liara said, her own emotions getting the better of her.

"Wh…what was wrong…w…with my…d…d…dream?" Tali whispered, her voice wavering, "I…I…just wanted…I just wanted to love…to love him…" Tali began to waver like a felled tree, her words fading. Liara watched in horror as Tali fell.

"Tali!" Liara screamed. She was at the fallen Quarian's side in a heartbeat, kneeling and activating her omni-tool to prep as medigel dose. "Goddesses, you tore your stitches. Hold still."

Tali shoved the Asari's glowing hand away, growling and spiting a wad of violet blood onto the floor. "Don't."

Liara hesitated, unable to process what Tali had just said, "What?"

"Just…just don't." Tali looked up at her friend, crystal tears rolling down her pale face. A trickle of violet blood ran from Tali's mouth, staining her skin. The look in the young engineer's eyes was equal parts furious, desperate and serene. "Just let me die Liara."

"Never!" Liara countered, eyes narrowing. Liara popped a physical medigel syringe from her belt and cocked the injector. Tali smacked the syringe from her hands, shattering it against the wall.

"Please…" Tali said, her voice fading. Tali's pearl eyes faded and closed as her head fell to one side, "Please…just…let me join…John…" Liara hesitated, mouth opening and closing like a beached fish.

"I…I can't." Her voice was soft, desperate. Furious guilt washed over the Asari as she realized she was seriously considering letting her longtime friend bleed to death on the floor. What would the crew say? If Shepard still lived, how could she live with the guilt? This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. Tali had always been the strongest of them; the light in the darkness. Kaiden had been a moody bastard, and Shepard was no stranger to brooding and furious anger. Liara herself was the Shadow Broker, and as cold and calculating as the job demanded. Garrus was barely in control of his bloodlust, and even the bull-headed Wrex shot first and never asked questions. Tali had been the cooling factor, the one that reminded them all that the galaxy was more than just pain and blood. Tali had been the only one to plan for after the war. Every last one of them had assumed they would die at the hands of Reapers. That would have been a worthy death for any of them. Only Tali had wanted more. Only Tali had wanted a life free from war, blood and fire.

Only Tali had the strength and will to survive.

Seeing her soul bleeding out from her wounds frayed the edges of Liara's already stretched sanity and cracked her fragile soul.

"Yes…" Tali whispered, forcing her eyes to focus on Liara. A look of serene peace washed of the Quarian's face and she smiled a sad, bloody smile, "Yes you can. I…I won't…h…hate…you." The Quarian's voice shook as more violet blood dripped from her mouth. The wound in her gut bled a constant stream of deep purple blood onto the steel floor, beginning to pool at the Asari's feet.

"Tali, don't ask this of me." Liara whispered, her own tears rolling freely.

"I…I just want to see John…ag…again." Tali's voice was a pathetic whimper laced with the gut tearing pain she was in. more tears rolled down the desperate Quarian's face and her head bobbed up and down as blood drained from her head. "I…I can't…I can't live…without…him…"

Steeling herself, Liara ignored the whimpering Quarian and prepped another syringe. Shepard could still be alive, but even that didn't matter. She would not let Tali throw away her life so poorly.

"Yes you can." Liara said and put the needle to her neck. Tali tried to push her away but Liara used a small biotic surge to overpower the dying engineer.

"Won't!" Tali snarled with the last of her energy, "He was everything! My captain…my lover…m…my friend…" Tali looked up, eyes furious with hot tears, "Let me go."

Liara met the Quarian's eyes and narrowed her. "Forgive me." Liara said and triggered the injector. Tali's furious eyes closed and her head fell to one side. Liara activated her omni-tool, "Dr. Chakwas, medical emergency in the Captain's Cabin! Hurry!"


	12. Chapter 12

"Reports from the sensor sweeps, ma'am." The deck officer offered a datapad of scrolling numbers and astrological readings. Shala took one quick glance at the offered datapad and narrowed her eyes at the woman. Her sour mood seemed to reach the woman and she shrugged and let her arm fall to the side. "Same as the last one. Same as all of them." She glanced down at the pad and flicked through readouts, "Twenty particles of space dust per cubic meter, thirty ultraviolet radiation spikes, and a class-2 comet. It's just dead space out there ma'am. "

"What about the focused beam scanner at the coordinates I gave you?" Shala clipped. The woman took a second to pull up the relevant findings.

"Umm…two hits, but one was just a sensor ghost from an asteroid a few systems over with a dense concentration of radioactive metal. The other is a status beacon around the New Found colony on Beta IV. It's been flagged as received and forwarded to the Alliance HQ." The woman looked disheartened, "The beacon hasn't been updated in over ten months. It's probably just another ghost colony. "

"But nothing from the Normandy?" Shala asked for what felt like the hundredth time this week.

"Nothing, ma'am."

"Well…try again!" Shala snapped. She wasn't angry. She was frustrated with the situation. Eight days of sailing the void of space, hoping to just stumble upon the Normandy waiting patiently for rescue. It was fraying her nerves and testing her patience.

"Admiral, we've already scanned this sector three times." The officer sighed, "The Normandy is not here and until the commander returns from the surface, we can't leave."

"Any word from Alenko or the ground party?" Shala asked, eager to get the Scimitar moving again. Despite the frustration of staying in geo-synchronized orbit over Zhu's Hope on the backwater Feros for over thirty-six hours, Shala could not begrudge the commander or urge his swift return. The Scimitar had more to its mandate than to aimlessly drift for the Normandy, ignoring distress calls from abandoned colonies. Zhu's Hope was not the first colony they had approached, but it was the first to have survived the Reaper War. Major Alenko had ordered that all known colonies along their path were to be assessed for damage, supplies dispensed or shared as needed and the wounded cared for. It was important that the entire Galaxy be aware that the Reapers were defeated and it was time to rebuild. The Scimitar was one of hundreds of Alliance, Asari, Quarian, and Turian ships sent to the corners of the compass to begin the long, arduous task of rebuilding. Though loath to admit it, Shala wished the Geth fleet was still operational; without the need to sleep, the Geth were incredibly efficient recovery agents. But sadly-though she would kill anyone who dared guess it- the Geth were still inoperable, their entire fleet dragged to the asteroid belt beyond Mars, though a single report from the Galactic Rim suggested Geth were still active. The Scimitar had a tight-beam relay back to the Gemini docks in orbit around Luna and all reports were forwarded back to an eager Alliance command. Apparently the revelation that Zhu's Hope had survived, none the worse for wear, was a welcomed update for the Alliance logistic command that all too often dealt with the ashes of colonies.

"The Major should be finishing up." The officer checked her omni-tool, "Lia'Vael managed to get the water-treatment pump working and Dr. Michel is already back aboard. There weren't a lot of wounded. Mostly just malnutrition and dehydration."

"Hopefully the Normandy is in similar straits." Shala muttered. The fact that Tali was the only Quarian on the Normandy and the fact it had been over a month since the ship vanished sent spikes of fear through the Admiral. Frigates were well stocked vessels, the Normandy especially so, but there supplies wouldn't last forever. Shala gripped the sides of the captain's chair tightly and offered a prayer to the Ancestors that her dear Tali was alright. With Major Alenko and Captain Riley on the surface, Shala was the ranking officer on the Scimitar and though she belonged to the Quarian Flotilla, the Scimitar crew and the Major were happy to divert to her experience.

"And…what about that…_thing_?" Shala asked, nodding her head towards the bridge's windows. The Scimitar's bridge was a massive three-story rectangular room with a command deck with a plotting table and pilot seats. Directly beneath the raised deck was The Pit, a sunken smaller floor, exactly the same dimensions of the command deck, as if the deck Shala sat on had been cut from the floor and supported on steel beams. The Pit was the Scimitar's weapons, sensors and navigation center, housing some of the most advanced computers Shala had even seen. Between the sunken Pit and raised command deck was the rest of the bridge; a wide open space of stations and secondary systems. The entire deck was ringed in tall plas-steel glass panels that could be protected by Mass Effect fields or covered in blast shields at a moment's notice, depends on the circumstances.

Out beyond the Scimitar, like a macabre totem of death floated a derelict Sovereign Class Reaper. It was the first one they had encountered since leaving Earth and the Scimitar had approached it wearily, though it had been dead for over a month. Despite it obviously inactive state, the Scimitar could not draw too deep from a well of trust and weapons had been powered and locked on the damned thing as it floated around Feros, caught in the planet's gravitational field. It hung in space like some satellite and Shala could not bring herself to call off the weapon's lock even as they approached their thirty-sixth hour in orbit.

"Dead, as far as we can tell." The officer cast a worried glance out the bridge window. The Reaper was easily twice the size of the Scimitar and by some cursed luck if it were to reactivate, it would make short work of the armored cruiser.

"What's to be done with it?" Shala asked. She had argued with Major Alenko upon first arriving in orbit around Feros. The Admiral and Captain Riley had wanted to destroy the leviathan immediately and Kaiden had been close to ordering it, but orders were orders.

"Alliance brass wants all Reapers flagged with beacons and left alone." They had done that already, firing a remote drone, little more than a radio on jets, at the derelict monstrosity. Shala had imagined the drone to be a thermonuclear warhead and waited for the explosion. Nothing had happened and she had scowled.

"Can't believe you humans want to study those things!" Shala said and waved a hand angrily at the floating Reaper.

"Not me, Admiral. I say destroy it, but even if the Scimitar still had a full complement of bombers we could barely dent the thing. And besides, I'm guessing Alliance Brass wants to make sure each Reaper is disposed of under careful conditions. We can't just leave these things hanging around or hope all of it burns up in atmo after destroyed. The Alliance will send a capital ship out here eventually to retrieve it and throw it into the sun. Who knows, maybe a Quarian flagship will be tasked with the disposal."

"Ancestors, I wish I could be there." Shala whispered, settling back in her chair and resting her head on her fist. The Quarian fleet had extracted a terrible toll on the Reapers, both during the assault on Earth and in the hours after the Crucible had activated. It was amazing a single Reaper had remained intact after the combined fleets had unleashed their pent up anger on the monsters. But a handful had survived and the Alliance had towed them to the human planet Mercury, attached simple engines to the derelict ships and launched them into the sun. Such assured disposals was to be the Galactic standard, but if Shala knew the bosh'tet Citadel races like she thought she did, the Salarians and Turians would be keeping a few for study and the Asari because it was a link to their precious Protheans. Shala drummed her finger on the command console of her chair, fighting back an urge to spit in disgust. She hated the council races, hated them for their hypocrisy and arrogance. When Tali'Zorah had returned from her Pilgrimage, she had told the Board about the approaching threat of the Reapers. Though disbelieving at first, Raan had later pressed the Board to at least look into the threat when she heard the bosh'tets on the Citadel Council had ignored the evidence presented by Commander Shepard. As far as Raan was concerned, the slutty Asari, arrogant Turians and slimy Salarians got what the deserved when the Reapers hit.

_Not so proud when AIs destroy your worlds, are you?_ Raan thought darkly. And now the Quarians had their homeworld back and would soon have a booming economy. Fate occasionally had a sense of humor.

The human noticed her narrowed eyes and gulped, "I'll just come back when we hear from Commander Alenko."

"You do that." Raan said darkly and began to brood.

0000000

Jack hated hospitals. She hated their clean, chemical stench. She hated the braniac doctors and their knives, and the nurses who somehow managed to look like complete sluts in plain white smocks. She hated the burning, lifeless phosphorescent lights and the bleached white hallways. She hated that at any given moment a monstrous fucking fuck of a creature could burst out of a hitherto unknown lab and massacre the entire place. She snorted; hell, that's what happened to her.

But most of all she hated that you only visited a hospital when you were half dead. Or, as the case was, when a friend was half dead. To say Shepard was near death would be like saying Jack was a fan of tattoos. Though apparently much healthier than when he had first been brought in, Shepard still looked as close to road-kill as a human could come without being…well…dead. Tubes of every manner imaginable were connecting to him in one way or another; breathing for him, eating for him, crapping for him, filtering his blood until his cloned liver was replaced. The rumor mill was-and Jack was inclined to believe them- that the nutrient paste was being filtered directly into his intestines as his stomach was too fragile to handle it. That's where the Quarian doctors came in; if any race knew about absolutely pure sanitized nutrient pastes, it was the bucket heads.

Jack had never been a great fan of the Quarians, or really _anything_ for that matter, but her time on the Normandy and the massive influx of support was making her rethink a lot of her assumptions. Tali had been one little hell-cat. Jack cursed her breath. Tali _was_ a hell-cat, she wasn't dead. Jack refused to believe that, just as she refused to believe Shepard had been dead. Reality: 0 Jack: 1. Things were looking good. If there was any sense of justice, any at all, in this fucked up Galaxy, Tali was still alive and waiting patiently for that moody bastard Alenko to come in and save her. Two years ago Jack had believed that the only justice to be found was at the barrel of a gun or edge of a knife. Now she was hoping and dreaming like some schoolgirl slut.

"Fucking boy scout." Jack whispered with a snort, eyeing the steady rise and fall of his fleshy pink chest and finding some comfort in it. UV treatments and oxygen chambers were being used to recreate skin-cells, but until they were complete he looked like a little pink piglet. She was glad he was alive. Hell, she was thrilled, but she'd never admit that. "This is all your fault, you know?" She approached the bed slowly, as if her steps would wake him. She knew it was impossible; he was a deep into a chemically induced coma as one could be. Maybe it was the principle of the matter. Maybe Jack was going soft.

"Two years ago I never would have thought I'd be in a place like this." She shrugged, "Well, not voluntarily. Guess your stupid speeches did a number on me, eh Shepard?"

He didn't respond, but she didn't need him to. In fact, it was probably better if he didn't. The bastard was smug enough as it was, beating the Reapers and uniting the Galaxy. He didn't need something like mellowing out Subject Zero added to his list of impossible accomplishments. Jack hesitated for a minute, glancing out the door and seeing an empty hallway all the way down to the nurse's station. Slowly she took his hand in hers and sighed.

"The kids are doing okay." She smiled sadly when he didn't respond, "Yeah Prangely took a few knocks but he's a tough kid. Rodriguez finally learned to keep her shields up and got out with her ass still intact." She paused, hesitating, "We lost Smith and Marco. Damned brutes came out of nowhere, smashed through their shields and-" Jack paused to wipe a tear away, "and beat them into the ground. Left them as red smears on the pavement." She looked down at Shepard, wondering if he could hear her.

"I never felt so mad in my life, Shepard." She said, probably gripping his hand tighter than she was supposed to, "Before you I would have left those kids to die. Survival of the fittest. But when I saw…" Another pause, "When I saw those monsters kill _my_ kids…I just lost it Shepard. I ripped those bastards apart with my bare hands, and I made sure they were alive the whole time. The others…well I think they understood, but they looked at me differently. They don't talk back anymore. They just follow orders without question and its pissing me off." She paused and gulped hard, "I think they're afraid of me, Shepard. Or blame me."

Shepard didn't say anything. Only the beeping of the heart monitor and the artificial breathing gave any indication he was alive. Jack snorted.

"Yeah maybe I will take them out for a drink. Too bad you blew up that arsenal arena; that'd be perfect. Throw their asses into the ring until the come out right." She shook her head, "Grunt would be proud." She looked down at the breathing man, studying his jawline and scowled, "Fuck you, I don't blame myself. I blame the Reapers."

Again, silence.

"I did everything I could!" Jack said loudly and let his hand fall to one side, "I don't…I saved as many as I could, Shepard. You were right; my kids needed to be rear-echelon support. We saved a lot of lives, got a chest full of medals and stories that'll peel the panties right off an asari." She smiled to herself, resigned and calm, "We did good Shepard. We did good."

"Now get your ass up so we can party, huh? I promised my kids that they'd get their gear autographed by _the_ Commander Shepard, and you don't want to make a liar out of me." Jack smiled slightly and for the briefest moment, convincing herself Shepard was smiling too. "Besides, if you're not up by the time Tali gets here, she'll rip you a new one."

There was a soft knock at the door and Jack spun on her heel, anxiety shooting through her veins. In the dim light of the hallway stood the cheerleader, her once disapproving glare now melancholy and sympathetic.

"Jack." Miranda sounded somewhat surprised, "Didn't expect to see you here."

"Why? 'cause I'm a psycho bitch who'll sooner strangle a puppy than make friends?" Jack spat, really not in the mood for Miranda's 'you're not me, therefore fuck you' attitude. Miranda snorted bitterly.

"Actually I was going to say I'm surprised to see you in a hospital." Miranda nodded to the tray of medical equipment in the corner, "Lots of needles and scalpels. Figured you'd be shaking in your last season boots."

Despite herself Jack looked down at her trademark knee high combat boots and raised an ankle, studying them intently, "They're not last sea-" She stopped when she noticed the smug smile on Miranda's face. "Oh, fuck you too cheerleader." Jack laughed and Miranda came to stand on the opposite side of Shepard's body. She studied the readouts from the holographic machines and adjusted a few dials and settings. The silence stretched for several long moments and Jack felt herself growing more frustrated that she had risen to Miranda's obvious baiting. So much for her badass persona, eh? Almost defending her shoes to another woman? Next they'll be braiding hair and talking about the boys.

"It's good to see you, Jack." Miranda said at length, "I'm glad some of the crew survived the war."

"Yeah well some of us had to do clean up, and since this lazy bastard is satisfied on his lazy ass…" Jack motioned to the body of their captain and they both fell silent. "How's he doing Miranda? Honestly?"

"Honestly?" Miranda raised a perfect eyebrow, "It's a miracle he's not dead. We've set the bones and joints and they're healing as well as can be expected. The Korgan and Salarians are working round the clock to get a batch of cloned organs for him."

"Doesn't normally take this long." Jack said and motioned to a scar on her hip, "Got stabbed in the kidney once. Had it replaced on Omega for a quickie and a kilo of red sand."

"Normally yes," Miranda said, ignoring Jack's little story, "But Shepard is as genetically engineered as I am. His organs are superior, for lack of a better term. The Salarians are combing through the Lazarus reports, making sure they build organs exactly to the specifications he needs to survive."

"Custom built organs." Jack said, "Like the Normandy and that bitchin' apartment weren't enough."

"Indeed." Miranda said with a small chuckle.

"What about his leg?" Jack indicated to the stump of his left leg. Of all Shepard's injuries, that was most disheartening. Organs were one thing, something that couldn't be seen and easily ignored, but missing an entire leg…Jack bristled at the idea of the badass Commander Shepard confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. It just felt…wrong.

"We're working on it. The Quarians are almost done with a prototype bionic replacement, but the Asari insist on a cloned limb."

"Which would you take?" Jack asked and to her surprise, Miranda shrugged.

"I'm not sure. The cloned limb would feel more natural, but Shepard and I are genetically engineered beings, so what's natural? The bionic has impressive specs and would no doubt be more useful, but it's still in development and we can't graft synthetic skin onto it yet. It would be obvious. Besides, when Tali gets here and hears we implanted Shepard with _more_ tech she didn't personally approve of…"

"Heard Alenko lost his eye to the Reapers and got it replaced." Jack said, "Didn't seem to bother him."

"You weren't there." Miranda shot suddenly, "I was. We didn't have any painkillers and it was an overcrowded field hospital. I can tell you he was in a great deal of discomfort."

"Whoa, don't get your panties in a twist." Jack said defensively. Miranda relented and sighed.

"Sorry." She said with a slight smile, "Been a long day."

"Sure, yeah, whatever." Jack mumbled, eager to move on from Miranda's emotional outburst. "Any word from him?"

"Some. I spend a lot of my time here, so I only get bits and pieces. The _Scimitar_ has surveyed a few remote colonies, but still no sign from the Normandy."

"Wish I could've gone with them." Jack said forlornly. The convict had come to really like Tali, looking out for her as the younger sister she never had, ignoring that Tali is a few years older. What Jack lacked in years, she more than made up with experience and bad decisions. Hell, Tali had been the one to approach her for her first tattoo. Jack had been happy enough giving her one remotely with her omni-tool, but Tali had dragged her to a bedroom to "get it like a human." The Quarian had been drunk off her ass, but damn if she didn't have a fine one. And now she sported an absolutely insane tramp-stamp that Jack new Shepard couldn't wait to find. With his tongue, if need be.

"Why didn't you?" Miranda asked, genuinely curious, "I mean I'm here looking after Shepard…"

"Can't leave my students." Jack said softly, "Lots of them lost family so they're sticking close. Can't just up and abandon them now."

"You've really changed, haven't you?" Miranda said with something approaching a smile, "I never would have thought you would be looking after students."

"Yeah well maybe Shepard's speeches had an effect after all." Jack said softly. It was one of the few moments she would ever admit such a thing and she honestly wasn't sure why she had admitted it. But a slow idea began to build; if any of the Normandy crew could understand leaving their entire lives behind after meeting Shepard, perhaps it was Miranda.

"Good to hear it." Miranda whispered and the two fell into an uncomfortable silence. Jack could practically hear the gears in Miranda's head, trying to figure out what to say next. Was this a friendship building between them? Jack wasn't sure she wanted to know. Miranda was as insufferable as Jack herself. Can't have more than one Queen in the room. Jack snorted, feeling like a snotty little girl. She looked down as Shepard and his way the hell too handsome face. The bastard was lucky he chose Tali over Jack or Miranda's advances. Jack didn't want to think about what she'd do if Shepard was _hers_. She needed to get her mind off his junk quickly. Tali was a great friend and she couldn't do that to her. Fuck it.

"How's your sister?" Jack asked suddenly. Miranda looked up from studying Shepard's resting face. Even asleep, Shepard radiated an aura of calm understanding. Miranda smiled

0000000

We watch from the shadows, listening, waiting.

The music screams at us. Kill. Maim. Devour. Evolve.

The world was our, its inhabitants our meals.

We were the alpha. A killer of killers.

The music screams. Kill. Maim. Devour. Evolve.

Then the invaders came, on wings of fire and destruction.

They crashed into our hive, our home.

Our Princess died in pain, melting, screaming.

The music screamed. Kill. Maim. Devour. Evolve.

Avenge.

So we watched. We learned. We hunted.

Now we can no longer ignore the music.

We must dance.

We must kill. We must maim. We must devour.

We must avenge.

As one, we move.


End file.
